The Wire Season 6 preview

Obviously there isn’t going to be a 6th season of the Wire, but if there was, and for some unknown reason I got to write it, what would be the story?  Obviously you shouldn’t read this if you haven’t seen all 5 seasons of the wire since there will be obvious spoilers.  But if you are interested I’ll make sure to mark stuff with spoilers as SPOILERS before I type.

Every year the Wire focuses on some aspect of the city that has problems.  The first year it was the police force, then the docks, then city hall/politics, then the schools and then the newspaper.  I was thinking this next year could focus on court system.  You know lawyers, judges, jury, other law stuff.  I also thought maybe it would be cool to focus on the medical / hospital side of things, or maybe the unemployment/city services stuff, FBI, or possibly even parks and recreations office.

The kingpin of the Parks and Recreations underground prostitution ring.

The law seems the most logical next step since it was always present throughout the series and at the end of the last season you could count three or four of the major characters are now in the legal field in one respect or another.

Another reason to go with the law is that those characters who are in the legal system (which isn’t including the police obviously) are the ones who would be the easiest to bring back for a season; the characters, not the actors necessarily.  There are many other characters that would be easy to bring back and that you could move around and put in nearly any position within nearly any department or group.  Signor, Dozerman, Carver, Omar’s Ex, Poot, Landsman, Bunk, Slim, etc…

Now some of those characters like, Bunk, Carver, Poot, and landsman are fairly easy to predict where they would be in after a couple of years since the last season and you can’t just put them in an unlikely situation just to make it fit with the story you want to tell.  The story has to fit what the characters would be doing.  You can’t have Bunk working undercover in the projects since that’s not in his nature even if it wouldn’t make story easier to tell.

Or Rawls leaving the force because of pressure from his life partner to start a family

But here is the hard part; how do you bring back the main characters that kind of went off in their own direction at the end of the series.  Specifically I’m talking about …..

Spoilers  …. Freeman and McNultty.  The easy thing to do would be to make them both private detectives who work together and get a case they need help with and turn to Carver and Bunk and anyone else in the force they can count on for help.  But let’s be honest; while the private dic thing would be easy, it would be too obvious and probably not really that realistic.  My guess is that freeman would just do his carvings and live off that and the pension and maybe … teach or something… illlllll yes, and if you watched season 4 you know who he would teach with.  Ok so what about Jimmy, I say things with his new squeeze work for a while but he can’t be away from detective work for too long and after not cutting it at law school, ends up in some other city as a detective.  So my thinking is that just like season 4 jimmy isn’t a huge part of the story, or at least central, but pops in for key stuff.

Spoilers continued …. So why would you need cops in multiple cities.  Vondas and the Greeks.  They are still in the wind, and run their game in multiple cities on the east coast.  This would be a nice chance for the wire guys to look into international crime, or at the very least not something just contained to one city.  Plus you know that most of the wire guys have a little bit of a score to settle with these guys.  Also this would be another excuse to get Fitz back in the game as well.

More Spoilers . . . So how do you get the Greeks back into the mix and more importantly how do we get the wire to look at them again.  Well something has to force the greeks under the eye of the Bmore police.  It could be something doing with Sergey / boris in jail, him getting killed in jail… orrrr I have no idea.  Obviously you could still have Signor working on Slim Charles and the other members of the co-op and follow them to get to the Connect.   So that would open the investigation, but that is assuming that signor or anyone else is still going after Slim. This is tricky. Season 1 the investigation got started cause Jimmy was able to push the judge into going after someone who set up purgery in his court.  Season two valcheck hated the sobatka and jimmy finding the dead girl.  Season 3 started with wire already looking into … somebody who then got pushed off for barksdale again. Season 4 you have them looking into omar and not finding anything till the end which then flows into season 5.  So if you look at the run of the series you have to start the year setting up the reason for the investigation or you just dig right in if the previous year ended with the unit intact or the investigation open.  So based on the end of season 5 and the time that has passed, there would probably be some combination of Signor and Carver working some kind of drug angel possibility but not enough to launch an investigation big enough to drag all the other wire regulars into it. So i have to think on that for a bit.

Annnndddd more spoilers .. ..   Another thing to think about is if you want to continue with any of the storylines for some of the ancelary characters. Granted it’s hard to count anyone on the show as minor but i’m sure you can see where i’m comming from.  Oh I also think Nikki and the other living sobtka could come back in this year since this would be about the greeks.  Nothing major just a scene or two.  Michael a.k.a the new omar could play a role but I don’t want him to be just a new version of omar, and same with kenard not being bubbels.  I wouldn’t mind seeing bubbels getting kenard clean and then michael being a mix of omar and bubbels.   Maybe have kenard get killed and then Michael go to prez for help… or the other way around. who knows.

Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers so how do I get it all to link back to the law, I’m thinking it has something to do with D.C and the greeks connection since he’s an informant.  Plus marlo is still out there and is probably fighting the urge to get back in the game.  I’m thinking at some point he gets back in and maybe he gets mad at Levi cause the investments or whatever don’t go well.

END Spoilers

BOOM how about the economy.  So Levy helps you know who do some investments and they go bad cause the economy sucks and then you know who wants to take revenge cause that’s how he is and he’s from the streets.  So with Levy gone, an investigation opens up and all kinds of his shit comes to light to the investigators.

The only thing I would say about these ideas is that they would work for an audience who has already seen the show but would suck pretty hard for someone new to the show… which is basically the same problem the wire had during its run anyway.  So if a new season was starting it would probably be a good idea to have a bunch of new characters so that the viewers wouldn’t have to already know the back story for such a large percentage of the cast.  And if you want my ideas for new character tough shit, cause I don’t feel like writting any more.

Season & Series Premiers

There were a bunch of series and season premiers so far this month.  Here is my rundown on some of them.

Sons of Anarchy

I like that this season (the first three episodes or so) are starting to really show the sons as being a negative influence on the town and the town finally starting to get sick of their shit.  So far this year some innocent hot dominican nurse was killed (and yes, she was innocent in my opinion since she was just trying to bring a suspected murderer to justice) some innocent kid at a funeral was killed by stray gun shots, and Hale was also killed when the drive by van ran over him thirty seven times.

At some point the Sons have to look at what affect they’re activity is having on those around them and really think about whether it is all worth it.  This may or may not escalate since the main storyline is Jax getting his kid back.  And now that i’m thinking about it, can someone explain to me why you don’t give the kid back, especially now that you’ve killed the guy who stole the kid and started this shit storm in first place.  There most be some reason behind this that I’m missing but who cares it’s SOA.


I like the show so far (only caught the first two episodes) but thought there would be a little more comedy in it.  I do kind of want to hate this show since it has some similarities to the show i want to write but who cares.  The highlight so far is that the one dudes girlfriend had a button down shirt on and all the buttons were open and you could almost see some tit. oh well maybe next week.

Boardwalk Empire

My favorite new show. I’ve already written a bunch about this, but how did I miss the guest spot by gretchen Mol in the last episode. JESUS IS SHE HOT, but I didn’t recognize her somehow.  Seriously, google her nude scenes right now. You won’t be disappointed.

Google me NOW!!!


So this season chuck is looking for his mom who happens to be Sarah Conner.  Honestly if Quantum leap and Terminator 1 and 2 chick are your parents, shouldn’t you have more self confidence than Chuck Bartowski?  So there’s a new Buy More that now has Olivia Munn working there… so that’s AWESOME… hopefully, and chuck is back to being a spy and Chuck’s sister is preggers, and we didn’t see Awesome for some reason.  Meh.

I should point out that the music that they used in the season premier was really off at certain points.  Like the music editor/creator was totally just mailing it in.  Also, they had Dolph Lundgren on as a bad guy and they had him use a bunch of his Rocky IV catch phrases which should have been cool if they hadn’t ham fisted them into scenes where they didn’t belong.

Oh and here’s another thing…. so the ring was thwarted at the end of last season… although I don’t actually remember that, and I know it’s just a fun spy show but can we please get a little bit of background on why there are all these evil organizations in the world.  Afterall, no one thinks that they are evil.  Bad guys have very specific reasons for doing what they do, and almost never is it just “doing stuff that’s evil cause I’m evil, and evil stuff is awesome to me.”  I can’t see this show lasting another full year after this one, just cause there’s no where the story lines can go.

The Event

So Lost and Flash Forward got drunk one night, hooked up, and nine months later, Flash Forward gave up it’s bastard child of a show to NBC who named it The Event. I like how NBC’s marketing department keep talking about how everyone who saw the first episode is asking “where’d the plane go.”  But to be fair NBC marketing people, the only people actually asking that are people who work at NBC or media critics and bloggers who have nothing better than do than to hope this becomes a big deal like Lost, which it wont.

Oh and three things about this show that I think have to be said.  The guy from boy meets world that was on the plane trying to stop his future father in law from crashing the plane, sounds like a whinny bitch in every scene.  I’m not saying his dialog is whinny or bitchy, i’m saying his voice is effeminate and irksome.   The guy who was trying to stop the plane with his SUV is the worst combination of bad acting, terrible logic, over used catchphrases and cliches, and general awfulness that you could possibly throw together when making a character.  He tried to out run a plane with a Chevy Trailblazer… actually does it… yells at the plane to “Bring it”… then just pussys out and doesn’t save the day by ramming his car into the planes engine or wheels like someone trying to stop a terrorist plot would have done.  And finally, the president has the worse secret service in the history of television drama secret service.  It was like they learned the first 5 out of the 7 steps needed to evacuate the president from a compromised location.  They actually had him in the limo ready to leave and then they all just stood around staring at the plane… for a full TWO minutes instead of driving away.

I will not be watching the rest of this series, I don’t think.

shit my dad says

i love the actual twitter account that this show is based on but I heard the show is bull shit.  I’ll still peep it at some point to see if I like it.


Still awesome, and i like how they resolved the issues from last season…. AND Poked fun of Shit My Dad Says.  They totally clowned this shit out of that show even before it was on TV… or maybe just after it was on. honestly I don’t know when the other show airs.  Regardless it was great.  Also great? Annie. I’d destroy her and I think Jeff should do that.

30 Rock

Still love this show, and I’m loving the guests spots by Matt Damon.  He is so underrated as a comedic actor.

The Office

The prank Jim was going to pull off was fantastic. …. um other stuff happened too that was funny, but really I’m just watching for the awesome pranks just like they did in the first several seasons.


Hear it was good and then a day later heard it was cancelled.  I think i’ll download it and then I’ll be the judge.  You know, the judge of whether it is good or not.  I’m not going to judge if it has been cancelled since that is more of a yes no thing, and not really open to judgment or debate.


I made a bunch of predictions about this season last night and i’m sure at least a few come true, but I haven’t watch the season premier yet.  Maybe tonight i’ll scope it out.


There’s two things I can say about this show without actually having seen the first episode. First: this could be the next Parks and Rec, starting out slow and then building steam week by week till it becomes a big hit.  Second: That was not at all an original thought, and was something I read on another blog.

I think it should be pointed out that most of the NBC Thursday night comedies took that path.  The office was almost cancelled before it really took off mostly on word of mouth and rave reviews from critics.  Community was a big hit at first but quickly got popular thanks to almost every internet blog commenting on it’s awesomeness.  Parks, blah blah blah.  Basically with all of these shows, it takes a little while till you really start to like all of the characters and really start to enjoy the humor they put out.  Kind of like if you tried to join a new group of friends.  Chances are they would seem funnier two years down the road when you are use to them, compared to how funny you thought they were the first week or two you hung out with them.

Show’s I want to watch

this is already the 8th best TV show of all time despite it not airing until later this month

As promised, I wanted to list all the TV show’s I haven’t seen yet, that I want to see. Some are new shows, other are older that I haven’t taken the time to watch yet.

Boardwalk Empire

Check out the preview video for this new show below:

Let’s run down the list of awesomeness that this show entails, and keep in mind that anyone of these things by them selves would make me watch this show.

  • Mr Pink
  • Omar Little dressed all fancy
  • roaring 20’s in AC
  • Marting Scorcesi blah blah blah anything
  • Mobsters, liquor, guns

I rate this as a 9 out of 10 Farmer in the Dell whistles on my excitement meter.


New show on FX not about rabid dogs...probably

This is a show on FX (good Start) staring that guy Donal Lougue (getting better) created by the guy who did Ocean’s 11 (awesome) and Shawn Ryan the producer of the Shield (I came).

Really, the only thing this show needs to advertise to guys like me is the following tag line:

“Terriers.  It’s on FX and has the same producer as The Shield.  There’s no chance you won’t watch this.”

I give this 7 out of 10 “Duh dah duh YEAHHHHHHHH”s



Hopefully the entire show isn't in this color tone

I’ve already downloaded the entire three season run of this show but haven’t had a chance to watch it yet.  It is a western with Timmothy Oliphant and has tons of old school facial hair awesomeness.  I’m excited to watch this, but probably wont get around to it till a couple months from now.

I give this 7 out of 10 “I’ll be your huckelberry”s

Rome Season 2

Season 1 was real good, but i didn’t get around to season 2 yet.  Sadly there was only 2 seasons, and even sadder, I have no idea how historically accurate the show is.

What I do know is that I really liked all of the characters, especially the very hot Indira Varma who you may remember from Kama Sutra.

I'm starting to get an unhealthy obsession with Indian chicks

I give this 6 out of 10 … holy shit is that Sayid from lost in that picture with her?

The IT crowd

The Pros for this show:

  • It’s a BBC comedy
  • It’s highly rated and has won awards
  • It is about IT people a.k.a computer nerds

The cons for this show:

  • This is a BBC comedy

Seriously, I can only enjoy British comedy in small doses.  If I watch and enjoy a Monty Python movie, I can’t watch another one for at least 6 to 8 months without hating it.

I give this a 5 out of a 10 funny walks

Party Down

I heard good things about this show which i guess revolves around some party caterers or something. Look, it has Brendan from Step Brothers, that should be fun. He’s funny.  Plus that chick to the left looks kind of hot. Maybe she gets naked at some point.

Ahhhhhh what the hell is she doing with her teeth

I give this show 6 out of 10….holy shit she has gotten nude on Tru Blood  Whooo!!!!! boobs

Rubicon still doesn’t make sense so I watched some other shows


I just got done watching the 6th episode of Rubicon and I thought I’d do a quick recap of this episode and the whole season as a whole.

Recap Rubicon Episode 6:

huh? ohhhhh ok I guess.  *sigh* how much longer?

Recap Rubicon Season 1 so far:


"Oh look I think I see our show's plot finally arriving over there in the.... oh wait, nope that's a squirrel. Damn what the hell are we doing in this show."

And there you go.  I honestly don’t know where this show is going, and although it has some good dialog, good character development, great set designs, and great actors, it still doesn’t have any real discernible conflict.

….. I’m going to name this Treme syndrome.

This band plays a song every time treme is mentioned, even if it is a negative comment.

When I saw the first saw Rubicon, I thought there was some type of mystery or surprise reason as to why everything looked all old school (70s and 80s old school).   Now i’m thinking that there isn’t, and that is kind of disappointing.   Granted, not every show needs as many twists and turns as a show like lost, but I would like at least some twists, turns, conflict, and direction.

Sooooooooo let’s see what else is on TV.

Royal Pains:

Starring from left to right: Non-descript subtely hot no name white woman, The smart pot head from Road trip, Not the doctor from Northern Exposure, and a Hot Indian woman with a weird ass name.

I heard good things about this show, and wanted to watch it when it first came on TV last year… or the year before.  Whatever, IMDB it if you want to know when it first came on the air.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I downloaded and watched a season and a half of this show over the weekend.  … Nope, I was wrong, that is very sad and I am ashamed to have just admitted it. Christ, why do I write some of this stuff and then just not delete it. Weird.

At least its only a 12 episode season so it didn’t take long. Plus the show is on USA so there are no commercials making that actual episode length closer to a measly 42 minutes…. which still means I watched over twelve and a half hours of TV. Fuck.

Ok here is a recap of the first season and a half of Royal Pains:

Royal Pains Season 1 and a half recap:

ohhhhhh kay, not too bad, i’m digging it.

It’s predictable but it’s fun and the few twists (like having the Fonz show up) are not forced.  Also, the guest stars have been pretty awesome. (some hot, some…. well…. ok The Big Show was one of the guests, soooooo yeah there was that.)  The show has a good mixture of well timed humor, without going over board on the jokes, and just enough drama to make you care about the week to week goings on.

Oh and….

ppppllllleeeeaaaasssseeee let there be a Kama Sutra episode

So what else am I watching? Well there’s Louie, Mad Men, Burn Notice, Futurama and season 1 of the Wire.

Mad Men is very similar to Treme and Rubicon in the sense that they all move very slow and depend heavily on character development.  The one thing that makes Mad Men far superior to the previous two show is that Mad Men does have conflict with real implications.  None of the conflict is monumental and is mostly real world stuff like, divorce, raising kids, adultery, and ad work stuff.  Here’s my review of this season’s Mad Men episodes so far:

Recap of Mad Men Season 4 so far:

Awwwwwww Yeahhhhhh, drink that scotch and bang those broads and make that money Don Draper !!!! whoooooo!!!!!

Here’s a video showing how awesome Don Draper is.

OK so let’s wrap this entry up.  I was afraid when futurama came back on the air it would suck because the creators tried to change it to make it more marketable and less likely to get cancelled again.  Instead the Futurama writers have embraced their core audience and have really made the show even better than before.

ok in truth if they really really really wanted to embrace their core audience there would be way more of this on the show….. btw never google image search the words “Futurama” “Amy” and “Leela” with the moderate search set to OFF.

Burn Notice just wrapped up their fourth season, and honestly, I kind of stopped caring about the season long plot lines they have going on.  I’ve seen every episode and even though they constantly recap what they are doing and why they are doing it, i still can’t follow it, probably because I just don’t care.

But the real thing I want to discuss, is what i’m excited to watch next…. so i’ll write about that tomorrow.

I got two things working against me

So I’m writing a spec script that is based on an original idea of mine that features a crime solving detective who works part time as a porn star.  I felt that I had two major elements that would make the show original. The obvious one is having a main character who is a porn star.  I don’t know any show that has or had that.  I also wanted the porno aspect to be humorous but also be somewhat realistic in it’s depiction of how men in the industry are treated.

This isn't very realistic

Most people think that being a male pornstar would be a mix of pure awesomeness and insanely well manufactured awesomeness, but from what I’ve read, and heard in behind the scenes interviews, life for the guys in porn can kind of suck ass. Not literally… well yeah literally too I guess.

My other unique aspect of the show would be it’s more accurate depiction of the type of work a real private eye usually does.  On most shows, the detectives are either solving a murder, or solving a theft. In truth most detectives are hired to either perform surveillance or research.  Surveillance work could be in the form of watching a subject to see if they are faking a work man’s comp claim, cheating on a spouse, or… well that’s mostly it.  The research cases are usually contracted to go through public records and verify that information submitted is accurate.  A business might hire a PI to do this type of research before hiring a new employee, making a capital investment, taking over another company, etc….

The thrilling life of a private investigator

There is also a very large field in the PI world for cyber related investigating.  These types of PIs spend their days looking for security holes in a companies IT setup, recovering lost data or encrypted data, and tracing virus and other cyber attacks.  I would have thrown some of this in to the stories but they are too complicated and more boring than funny.

With the things mentioned above I felt I had at least a good premise to build a show that was at the very least unique, although I still was a little worried that people would think the funny detective show is too much like Monk, Psych, etc… and that the porno angle would be too similar to Hung.

All the ladies want to pay Mickey "The Punisher" Mantle for sex

Then I saw this blog post on one of my favorite websites:

Terriers from Creator/Executive Producer Ted Griffin (Ocean’s ElevenMatchstick Men) and Executive Producer Shawn Ryan (The Shield), is a comedic drama starring Donal Logue (The Tao of Steve) and Michael Raymond-James (True Blood). It centers on “Hank Dolworth” (Logue), an ex-cop, who partners with his best friend “Britt Pollack” (Raymond-James) in an unlicensed private investigation business. Comedic, edgy, original, a show about high stakes in the face of low expectations, Terriers explores what it’s like in today’s America to be “too small to fail.”

Ok actually the quote is a quote from some place else that was quoted in the blog entry. Whatever, the point is that it is a comedy / dramaedy that has a pair of private detectives doing real private eye work.  So that kind of makes my idea seem less unique, but after watching the preview it still looks like these guys will be doing PI work that is more on the high stakes side of things.

Well at least there’s no other show’s on TV that focus on the porn world.


Mark Wahlberg and Steve Levinson are working with controversial writer James Frey… on a one-hour drama that will use both legit actors and real porn performers. The plot will focus on a giant video company under siege from Internet competitors and a girl from the Midwest whose boyfriend convinces her to move to Los Angeles to become a star.

Frey, who’s writing the pilot, said, “We’re going to make a sprawling epic about the porn business in LA. We’re going to tell the type of stories no one else has told before, and go places no one has gone before.”

Ok that one kind of hurts, especially since it’s going to be on HBO and that’s one of the networks I was going to send my spec script to.  Oh well there’s still Starz and Showtime.  Maybe I could sell it to AMC if they suddenly decide that increasing FCC fines is a core part of their business model.

Why Does Treme Suck So Hard

See the word Treme written on the hat of the guy blowing WAY too hard into that trombone.

Treme is a show about people trying to rebuild their lives in a post Katrina New Orleans written by David Simon who was the creator, writer, producer of the Wire.  The show features a stellar cast of  both accomplished actors and real life New Orleans Jazz Musicians.  Basically all this show needs is a subplot involving Olivia Munn working on Computers to fund her Bikini swim wear line, and it would be the perfect show for me.

"Have you tried rebooting your cable modem and unplugging your router?"

So if the show has so many things that I should love, why do I hate it so much?

Nothing really Happens

Maybe I’m overstating or over simplifying or over something something, but one of the things that I can’t get past is this feeling that nothing is happening.  When I think about it honestly however, I think the real issue is that nothing impactful or unsuspected happens in this show.  (Also, fuck you to whoever feels like pointing out that “impactful” isn’t a real word, and is actually just made up business jargon)  For the most part there is nothing that happens in the show that grips me and forces me to get emotionally invested and take a rooting interest in the story’s outcome.

Here are the major events from the first season:

  1. Jenette has to close down her restaurant and ends up moving to New York in the season finale. This could have been more interesting but it felt like no who knew Jenette really cared that much.  In fact, it seemed almost impossible for the restaurant to make it starting in week one so by the time she did close it felt like a foregone conclusion.  Plus even the people who worked for her really didn’t seem to be that affected by the restaurant closing.  This might just be a classic “meh, who care, whoooo Jazz music, let’s drink” New Orleans attitude but it made the whole storyline feel unimportant.  Since the staff seemed unfazed by the closing and Jeanette had other opportunities, and the actual building and name still belonged to her, the restaurant’s closing carried no emotional weight.
  2. Sonny and Annie break up. It was clear from episode one that Sonny was a loser who wasn’t in the same league as Annie, was holding her back musically, and was probably going to start using drugs again as soon as he hit the slightest road block. Oh did I mention he was pretentious. Yeah, he was a douchey pretentious fuck who didn’t deserve a woman like Annie who anyone who watched the show would instantly fall in love with instantly.

    The fact that she is an insanely talented violinist in real life does kind of make her doubly hot.... fuck am I band nerd or what.

  3. Albert is able to dress up as the big chief and walk around N.O shouting some gibberish after he fails to get the government to open the undamaged projects. At no point in the show is there any explanation as to why the Indians are important to the culture of New Orleans.  I had to go online and research this, and after I did, I understood why it was important.  Maybe it’s just me, but when I watch a TV show or Movie, I think that my enjoyment of said TV show or movie shouldn’t be dependent on me doing research in my spare time.  I know David Simon didn’t want to spoon feed the importance of the Indian’s and big the Big Chief to his audience, but at least some explanation would have been nice.  In fact there is even a character that doesn’t know about the Indians that they have tag along and they still don’t take that opportunity to make you actually care about what Albert is trying to do.  Since they never showed why, or said why, it was important, I didn’t care. I just didn’t care.

    If you want to know why this image from Treme is important, don't watch Treme.

  4. Batiste is a terrible dad, does almost nothing to amend that, struggles for work as a musician, and has his mentor die. I know what your saying, wouldn’t that last bit about his mentor dieing be a big deal? Yes, normally it would, whoever they didn’t introduce the mentor or even mention him or hint that the character existed until half way through the season, then they kill him in the very next episode.  It gave almost no time for the viewer to form any bond with the character or really learn exactly why he was so important to Batiste.
  5. Davis is a broke looser who briefly runs for some local political office before giving up fairly quickly. I will say this.  Davis is one of the few characters I started to like more and more as the show went on after having hated him early on.  Simply put, he is the N.O version of a N.Y.C hipster.  In fact the best part of the series for me, was watching him get put in his place as he casually used the N word thinking that it was ok for him to do it cause he has a ton of black jazz friends and appreciates N.O like most white people can’t.  Then BAM, some black guy punchasizes his face and i’m soooo happy.  But back to the mater at hand.  This guy could have not existed and nothing on the show would be any different.

I’m going to take a break from this to mention that all of these things could have been moving, thoughtful, gripping, intense, serious storylines, but the way they are delivered makes them seem boring and common place.  I think there are three things that contribute to that.  One, Katrina was such a devastating event that what these individual characters are going through in trying to rebuild is not very unique and probably not the most dramatic when compared to what others probably go through.  The second thing that hurts the show is that we are in a sever recession.  The woman’s restaurant closing, the jazz musician struggling for work, and many of the other story lines of woe can be seen today all across the country.  The third item that makes these events seem unimportant is my next major topic.

Too Many Characters

Let me list all of the main characters who have their own individual storylines:  Albert the Indian chief,  Alberts Son who is a world famous Musician, Davis the NO hipster, Sonny the drug addict loser, Annie the amazing violinist, Jeannette the Chief, Ladonna the bar owner, Beatiste the Bone player, Creighton the N.O author, his wife the lawyer.   That is 10 people who all have their own unique storyline.  Yes they sometime intersect or intertwine with other characters but for the most part they are all supposed to be fully formed characters.

In most shows you have usually one central character and several supporting character, or you have a small ensemble where each ensemble member is some type of archtype and any real character development takes place over many seasons. Add to that list all the regularly reoccurring role and supporting characters and you have a huge cast.  There just isn’t enough time to devote to each character and his or her story.

I know what you might be thinking “Isn’t that a little bit of a contradiction since your second favorite show of all time is The Wire and that show was by David Simon and also had an Equally large central cast?”  Well let me first say that you just posed a very astute and intellectually challenging question.  Let me also say; No your wrong, shut up.

Here’s the thing, the wire had the following main characters: McNulty, Kima, Carver, Herc, Daniels, Lawyer Lady, Omar, Deangelo, Avon, Stringer, and probably 5 or 6 more people I don’t feel like listing.  The difference is that while each character was unique and well thought out and over the course of 5 seasons had significant character development; the majority of the characters were all working together towards something.  And that brings me to my next point.

No unifying Goal

As I just mentioned, the wire was able to get away with having a very large number of central characters because they all had some shared goal.  The unifying goal in the first season was bringing down the Avon Barks-dale drug ring.  Granted some were working to bring it down, some where trying to keep it out of harm’s way, and some were just impeding the investigation for their own benefit.  Anyway you look at it, everything that happened on the show had some type of impact on the investigation.  It all tied in together (or as the show’s tagline said: “All the pieces matter”).

Another tag line could have been "The Wire - Holy Fuck is this an awesome show"

In Treme there is no unifying experience, goal, or aspiration.  You could argue that rebuilding after Katrina could qualify, but to me that isn’t specific enough and is more an aspect of the setting of the story.  Batiste’s goal to make enough money as a Jazz musician to make ends meets has no impact on Creighton’s inability to over come writers block.  Creighton’s suicide in the season finale has no impact on Annie as she tries to find a place to live now that she’s left Sonny.  Sonny’s drug use has no affect on Albert’s quest to finish all of the Indian’s costumes on time.   So unlike The Wire, not all of the pieces matter, and I guess that brings me to my last point.

It’s not the Wire

Fan’s of The Wire are similar in nature to Losties but just in a much more condescending way.  We (cause I am one) honestly believe that The Wire is the best show in TV history, despite the fact that it was never that popular and was only on 5 seasons.  I could go into details as to why Wire fan’s think this, but that’s not important.  What is important is that fan’s of the Wire had completely unrealistic expectations for Treme.

There were so many similarities between the two series that many Wire fans incorrectly assumed it would just be a Jazz version of the Wire set in New Orleans.  This assumption led to very high expectations that just could not be realistically met. Unfortunately this high expectation makes it almost impossible for a Wire fan to look at Treme objectively.   It is also a reason why Treme has such a large number of people watch the show despite it not being a show they would normally watch and enjoy.

So in summation, Treme < The Wire < Olivia Munn Cosplay.

she also makes an insanely hot princess Leia.

My Top Holy Sh!t TV Moments.

Below I have listed the top moments in MY television viewing history that made me say “Holy Shit” out loud.  Or at least something very similar to it.  From here on out i’m going to refer to this as a HSM.

By the way, there are going to be SPOILERS in this post so be warned.

ER – My First HSM

I have no idea if this is actually the first time I ever watched TV and then yelled out “Holy Shit”. In fact the first time was probably when I was watching scrambled porn and the picture came in focus for a split second and I a huge cock slapped against a woman’s face.  For argument’s sake, lets just say this was the first time I watched a prime time show in which something so shocking happened that I was left dumbfounded.

In season 3 of ER (I have no idea what season it was since I don’t care enough to look on IMDB) Dr. Carter gets a black friend Gant who is also a surgical intern underneath Peter Benton (a.k.a SOOOUUUULLL GLLLLOOOWWWW for all you coming to America fans)

Next week I will write a deconstruction on the evolution of Eriq La Salle’s hair

Peter was riding Carter and Gant pretty hard all year since that was what all surgeon’s in the ER universe did to their underlings. (except for the semi attractive pediatric surgeon who thought sleeping with Carter was the best way to inspire him)

… inspire his boner maybe teeheeheehee

So Gant is starting to slack cause it seems he can’t handle the pressure of the job, and is on call in the ER when a trauma victim comes in who had just got hit by the L train.  Gant doesn’t answer his page so Carter and Benton go down to do their thing.  When the guy comes in, it’s pretty obvious they can’t save him so they are just going through the motions, until they notice the victims pager keeps going off and the message is for Doctor Gant. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT

After Benton lets Gant die, Dr House brings him back to life or something. God I hate House

Gant is the guy who got hit by the train, and probably got his cause he was either exhausted from work and fell or was depressed from work and jumped.  I just remember feeling a chill cause I never saw this coming.  I don’t know if there was a lot of foreshadowing to this event, but if there was I was either too young and naive or too young and stupid to notice.  Either way, this scene blew my mind.

Breaking Bad – My most recent HSM

So do you watch Breaking Bad? If not then FUCK YOU. Sorry, that was over the top, but yeah you should totally watch it. It’s good. Actually it’s one of the few shows I can say, continually builds in it’s goodness from episode to episode from season to season continually raising the bar.  That being said the show is pretty straight forward and there’s not a whole lot of twists and turns.  The main character is pretty straight laced so, like him, most of the actions on the show are well planed and thought out.  In fact all of the brash actions that are taken in the show are usually done by people other than the main character Walt, the Nobel prize winning chemist/high school teacher/Meth Cooker.

Then I saw the second to last episode of the third season in which Jesse, Walt’s one time meth head and current cooking partner, is getting ready to kill a couple of drug dealers that had a year earlier gotten a kid to kill one of his friends and just recently killed the kid that had done the shooting for them.  The kid turned out to be the brother of Jesse’s new girlfriend, and his death had sent Jesse over the edge.

pictured: Jesse Pinkman and his crazy eyes

So Jesse does his usual irrational/emotional thing and takes a gun and goes after the two drug dealers.  As Jesse is walking in slow motion towards the bad guys (slow motion is the best way to walk when holding a gun) they seem him and start to pull their guns for a nice old fashion shoot out that Jesse probably sucks at compared to these real drug dealers. Before any slow motion shots are fired, the scene switches back to normal speed as you see an pontiac Aztec plow through the two bad guys. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.

Anyone who has seen the show knows this is Walt’s car, and that he has a broken windshield fetish that is insatiable.  This was shocking, but what really made me say holy shit was Walt walking over to one of the drug dealers who was crawling painfully to his gun, grabbing his the dealers gun, and then shooting him in the face, before telling Jesse to run.

To understand why this moment was shocking you really have to watch the whole series to see how measured Walt was in all of his actions.  In fact if Walt had just let Jesse get killed it probably would have been better for everyone including Walt.  Actually, the whole episode was filled with great scenes that show why it may be the best show on TV right now.

The Shield – Almost an entire show of HSM

The Shield is the first show I ever watched from the very first episode through to the very last episode, never missing an episode when it first aired on TV.  I always made time for it and didn’t rely on viewing it later online or on DVD.  I don’t know if there’s any show that I could get this amped up about today.  One of the reasons it was so great is that it was constantly out doing itself in shocking moments.

Even the first episode ended with a WTF HSM ending when Vick shot Detective Terry Crowley.  They never hinted at this, even when they did the list of actors in the credits at the beginning of the show’s first episode, listing him as one of the regular actors.  I could point to a dozen more moments, like Shane killing Lem, Shane killing himself, Acevada’s BJ, Lem burning the money train money, Dutch exposing the serial killer, etc…

there's no way i was going to throw in david acevada giving a blowie

With all the HSM in the show, the two most surprising moments were the two times did the least surprising thing possible, or more correctly were forced into an unshocking moment.   The first moment was when Shane basically gave up while his attempted murder accomplice was being interrogated by Vic and Dutch.  Up until that point Vic and his crew would always fins some way of either getting out of an unwinnable situation or that very least delay whatever possible bad stuff was headed their way.  In this scene Shane knows that he’s about to be found out as an attempted cop killer, and he quietly slips out of the Barn, never to come back.

"Shit, now i can't play on the Farmington Police softball team this year"

The other shocking moment to me, was when Vic finally confessed all his sins to the FBI in exchange for immunity. This was shocking cause we finally got to hear Vic almost, kind of, a little bit, suggest that he was wrong/evil/guilty.  Just like the Shane leaving the barn moment, I was shocked since Vic had always fought any urge to clear his sole and confess his sins, although truthfully he didn’t seem that remorseful and he was only doing it to save himself and his wife while at the same time burning the ever loyal Ronnie.

Like many of the moments on the list, you only get the full affect if you watch the series up to this point (although since this is the second to last episode why wouldn’t you just watch one more to complete the series)

The Wire – Get on with it Mother HSM

I’ll keep this one short since most of these other entries have been pretty long, and this one is simple.  It has been scientifically proven that The Wire is the best TV show in history.  Science has also proven empirically that String Bell is one of the most interesting and creative character on TV ever.  In fact the idea of a business savy smart black drug king pin had never been seen before. (that might not actually be a fact, but I had never seen a drug dealer portrait in any way other than a stereotype).

Not many people remember the Wire/Office crossover where String Bell uses Dunder Mifflin as a front for his Heroin operation

So you spend three seasons building up a character so much so that he seems indispensable to the show and then he gets cornered in one of his buildings being renovated by Brother Mazone and Omar little.  While watching it you knew that Stringer had to die and that there was no way out, but it was hard to believe that the show would kill off such a central figure. Then BAM HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.

Doesn’t the part where he says “I ain’t strapped” remind you of Clint Eastwood playing William Munney in Unforgiven when he’s sick and confronted by little bill in the bar? No? oh ok, never mind then.  Still you got to love String taking control of the situation and telling them to get on with it.

24 – Jack Bauer Diamon Cutter

This is how Jack Bauer leaves his house for work every morning.

I think it was season two or three, Jack was in the the LA coliseum where the Trojan’s play and was fighting some goon in one of the seating area entrances.  Jack was all messed up from having died earlier that day as he often does when saving the world.  Even though he was hurt Jack was still man enough to kill the henchmen in the coolest way possible.

That’s right, you just saw jack put the guy in a head lock, then the guy tries to slam jack into the wall, jack counter’s by keeping him in a headlock and using the momentum to walk the wall and using the downward force to snap the guys neck.

Honorable mention on this show should also go to the episode where Jack Bauer shot Curtis.  This isn’t an honorable mention just because Jack shot someone as awesome as Curtis, (even though that was kind of shocking).  It’s an honorable mention cause in this episode Jack also gives up and weapely quits, and then a nuclear bomb actually goes off in Cali.

24 – Cerano “strikes out”

Much Like Stringer Bell getting killed in the Wire, I was shocked when they killed David Palmer since he was such an integral and loved character.  The added WTF aspect to this death is that no one saw it comming. So it would have been like if Dr. Carter and Dr. Benton had found a pager on the guy hit by the L train and it turned out to be a secret code the drug dealers in Baltimore used, which meant it was stringer bell who got killed …. by Walt from breaking bad.

actually it really wasn't that mind blowing... but that scenario would be all kinds of crazy awesome.

Lost – 1st Flash Forward

Ok this one shouldn’t count since I in no way said holy shit or was even surprised when it turned out that the last episode of season 3 of lost was featuring a flash forward in their character development scenes that ran through each episode of lost.  In fact fairly early on in this episode I did kind of guess that it was a flash forward since I’m awesome at guessing that kind of stuff.

Even though I knew what was going on (and Jack for some reason tells people to go visit his father in his office?!?!?? wtf) it was still an excellent episode, and excellent twist, and kind of encapsulated what made Lost at times so great. (yes the show also sucked balls at other times).

You know what really would have been a Holy Shit Moment in Lost?  If they would have actually revealed the answer to ALL of the mysteries during the final episode.  Of course that probably would have created the following effect to most Losties:

This also happens when intellegent people watch MTV for more than 2 straight hours