NFL Week 8 live blog

Holy shit, I never knew that God Save the queen has the same melody as America the Beautiful.  I wonder if Canada or Indian or any other former colony uses that melody for one of their patriotic songs.  I wonder if the reason we stole that melody is kind of like how some people say it’s ok for black people to use the N word because it’s like they are taking the power away from the word.

Good opening drive by the Bengals btw. Good interception by that Redskins DB.  God I really don’t care about either of these games.  Granted I have Cooley and Ronnie Brown so both games are important to me, but honestly I don’t care.  So Instead of really focusing on these games I’m just going to post a bunch of pics of Hot chicks in Football Jerseys.

Tony Sporano looks like a football coach, just not a Pro coach.  More like a High School football coach.  I can just picture him trying to tell some 17 year old kid that “The next 60 minutes are the next 60  years of your life!”

Damnit, Cooley just dropped a pass, oh well there was a penalty so it wouldn’t have counted, oh the penalty was on him.  Damn you, get me points.  the play by play guy for the redskins sounds more sarcastic than any human i’ve ever heard who wasn’t actually being sarcastic.  Bam, catch by cooley. good.   He also has a hot wife so …. great for him.

Skyline looks like a terrible movie.  It’s basically just transformers + War of the Worlds + Terminator 4 + no name actors.  I can only imagine that the movie was made because one of the studios looked around and realized they had a ton of left over CGI from movies that ran long and had to cut scenes.

Niners have an early lead…. it won’t last.

Hey Ronnie Brown missed a catch.  Sweet another Dan Carpenter FG.  I forgot I had him this week.  Two early field goals is giving me a fantasy semi right now.  Speaking of increased penile blood flow… TIME FOR MORE HOT CHICKS IN JERSEYS!!!!!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Shit, I just realized that there’s no real way to insert two different wordpress pic galleries.  So I guess no more hot chicks in this blog post.  Damn Cedric Benson is getting no love from the Cinci O line this year.

I can’t believe I have to start David Gettis the 2nd or 3rd string St. Louis reciever, because all my other WRs are either hurt or on a bye.  Thank god the guy i’m playing in fantasy is starting a couple of guys who have a bye…. which is bush league but whatever. I’ll take cheap wins. I’m not proud.

BTW I lied about no more hot chicks… WHOOOOOO!!!!!! I don’t care about these games at all!!!!!!!!

Wait, why the hell don’t I have ronnie brown starting today?  I have LaRod Stephanies-howlings playing in my flex position instead.  Ronnie hasn’t done anything amazing yet but still, he’s doing fairly well so far.

I kind of feel bad at how wasted T.O’s time in Buffalo was spent.  Having him play with Ochocinco really does show you that Chad really isn’t that amazing.  He’s good but not great.

Awesome. Another carpenter Field Goal. Whoooooo!!!! Fantasy Football.  To Celebrate, more hot chicks with a football theme.

Speaking of T.O, the link says that she is his girlfriend.

Ok redskins are in redzone I think and I think it’s time for some TE TD Love.  Wow there’s less than 4 minutes left in all of the morning games and of the 7 games theres a total of 71 points which is ten points per game or 5 points per team this half. Terrible.  But… it looks like Carpenter might get another FG try at the end of the half. aaaannnndndddddd….. BOOM he nails a 54 yard field goal. that’s 4 FG in the first half. Awesome pick up this week for me.

God Damn, there should be a law against letting Shannon Sharp do the half time quick game recaps.  He isn’t that bad during pregame, but when he is rushed he just chews his words and it is so irritating. I can’t believe that the niners only have one win and that the Rams have 3.  To be fair, Sam Bradford does look good so far…. speaking of looking good:

 

I haven’t watched it yet, but The Defenders looks TERRIBLE. My god it looks like a peice of shit tv show. Just cliches left and right and cheesy humor.  I really do like this NFL Jersey commercial featuring all the different Nawlans Brees jerseys….. speaking of liking NFL Jerseys ….

whoops. wrong one

How come hot chicks always rock the chargers retro jerseys and never the current ones?

ILLLLLLL I just made a great play for the Cinci Special Teams. oh come one, don’t review it. Oh it’s just a time out. I think I should get fantasy points any time a player with my name does well.  That would probably be way more awesome if my first name was Chris however.  Speaking of awesome things.

Hawaii Five Oh really looks like it contains all the elements I would love in a TV show. Crime, Hot chicks, Scott Cahn, Hot Asian chicks.  It’s like a more serious baywatch…. ok not really.  Damn, TO is having a really good year isn’t he.  Speaking of playing well, David Garrard has his third TD today. I started Roesthlisberger today instead of Garrard or Brady.  I wasn’t sure about Garrard since i’ts his first game back from a concussion, and I didn’t like Brady against Minnesota’s D especially since Moss is probably telling everyone how to read the Pats O.  How come Roesthlisburger isn’t in spell check.  HAHAHAHAH one of the Bengal’s players is named Frosty Rucker. Awesome name.

DAMN IT. I don’t mind the Broncos winning but don’t let Tim Tebow be the one to beat us. aaaaannnnndddddd Joe Nedney misses a 52 yarder by hitting the upright.  DAMN, I really should have started Garrard since he just threw his fourth TD.  Frank Gore is responsible for 127 percent of the niners offense.  Nice another Field Goal for Carpenter bringing his total to 5 on the day.  To celebrate, lets see another hot football related pic.

Damn that’s a good look.  Holy Hell check out this link http://coedmagazine.com/2009/12/14/sexy-girls-sporting-shoulder-pads-gallery/

That is why America is awesome.  Oh wait, here is another awesome site showing why America is awesome: http://thechive.com/2009/10/28/lingerie-football-league-yes-please/

My god… I just don’t care about these morning games.

This has nothing to do with anything, but has anyone been watching “The Event”.  Twice now they have used the Dr Manhattan sound affect from Watchmen.  It’s painfully obvious too.  Oh, and they aren’t Aliens. They are from the future. I could have told you that after the second episode.  The shows gotten better, but it’s still nothing special. ugghhhhhh morning games still going on.  The sad thing is that most of these games are close games, but … meh.

I hate the way Marvin Lewis has almost no emotion whenever they show him on the sideline.  It looks like he is deep in thought about something way more important than football.  Here are the things I think he’s thinking about:

  • Moral implications of trying to colonize Mars knowing that any astronauts sent there would not be able to ever return home.
  • String Theory
  • Would a Fusion generator violate the law of conservation of mass
  • Is it logical to re-evaluate the constitutional amendments to make them relevant and appropriate for todays modern society.
  • Is there a sexy picture in existence that includes Jenny McCarthy, Adrian Curry, and Amber Smith

I have no idea who the chick in yellow is, and yes I am kind of sad and proud that I knew the other three without looking them up.

DAMN redskins, why couldn’t you throw a TD to cooley instead of running it inside the 5 yard line.

OMG Levi’s Jeans commercials make no god damn sense.  Who the hell looks at them and even for a moment thinks about buying jeans.  What the hell, does Seth McFarlen have another show coming out?  I hope that guy is making tons of coin and just tagging tons of hot ass.

BTW, niners are back on top and about to pad their lead. nice. Good job gore.

WAIT.. wait wait wait wait.  Are there two QBs on the Bengals named Palmer?  I’m looking it up now and his name is Jordan Palmer, is he Carson’s brother?  Dude he has to be, he looks just like him.  Yep he is. Thank you wikipedia.

Holy shit, a fifth TD by Garrard. Nice.  I have him starting in another league so that’s awesome.

Some of these games are good games, but once again, I just don’t care.  Wow the Greg Williams quote on London Fletcher they just showed was one of the most glowing things I’ve ever read.  I bet Greg banged London.

I hate watching the Lions and being a big Kevin Smith fan.  I’m a fan of the director Kevin Smith, you know the clerks guy.  So every time they say his name during the game i’m like “What the F.. ohh, ok.”  Come on Lions. I need you to score so that Donovan has to throw some passes, hopefully to Chris Cooley.  Calvin Johnson is a stud.

I think this is going to be another week where the under dogs perform well and add to the whole underdog betting system I am tracking this year.  Well it’s been a while so here’s another hot football pic.

Ok niners were able to hold off Denver.  Troy Smith did well. 12 of 19 for 196 and a TD. Most importantly, no interceptions. DAMN, my fantasy opponent just updated his roster and took out all the players on a bye.  that sucks for me.

What The Fuck. Rex Grosseman is going in down by 6 with a minute fifty left to play and Donovan doesn’t look like he’s hurt.  Holy shit, that’s a terrible decision.  Look, if your backup was still Mark Brunell, then ok, maybe, but Rex Grosseman is god damn terrible.

HAHAAHAHAHHAHAH first play he Grossmans the shit out of the play.  He fumbels and it’s returned for a TD.  Ok, maybe that wasn’t all Rex’s fault, but you know that when the lions saw him go under center, they were drooling at the chance to force a turnover.

Ewwwwwww the pats have their throwbacks on.  God those really were ugly.  I love when the niners have their throwbacks cause they always make a big deal out of noting it cause otherwise  no one would ever notice it.

Jamal Charles is killing me in the one fantasy league.  That game going to over time didn’t help since my opponent had three guys in that game.

Oh, just like Skyline is a shitty combination of other movies, that new train movie also looks just like a combination of several other movies…. how did they not over turn that challenge. ok, the movie is called unstopable and it is training day plus phelam 123, maybe a little bit of Speed mixed in.

Holy shit, Brad Childres is the worst I’ve ever seen when it comes to challenging plays.  There’s no doubt that is a catch.

COMEON yeah it’s a good play and good TD but why can’t Tom Brady throw a TD pass instead.  I need the points. Horse Shit.

I hate to admit it, but Favre is playing mch better than I thought he would with that bad ankle.  Yeah that intentional grounding was the kind of thing that maybe would have happened differently with a good ankle but whatever.

It’s been a while so here’s another hot football chick.

Dang. Almost a big pass to Branch.  A lot of the Favre passes aren’t that crisp.  Luckily his guys are getting wide open. Wow, Harvin is open on just about every play.  The pats need to tighten up their pass defense… and probably their run D as well.  Wow big goal line stop by the Pats… which means Brady will have to be conservative playing from his own endzone, and less points for me. Yeah they are just kneeling it.  Ok time for another bunch of hot football chicks.

Speaking of which.  I need a big game from Big Ben, or as I will refer to him from now on “Therapist”…. but you pronounce it like Sean Connery.

Ok I hate this.  Did you see that minivan commercial.  At the end of it, this guy says “oh yeah, and it literally gave birth to all other minivans.”  NO IT DIDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO ANYTHING.  IT’S A GOD DAMN MOTOR VEHICLE. THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF GIVING BIRTH.  Jesus.  It’s not like they are trying to use hyperbole, they are just trying to say that all other minivans are based on that minivan. Fine. Maybe you can say that literally all other minivan is based off this mini van, but you can’t say that it literally gave birth.  Fuck that’s stupid.  How did that ever get approved. Stupid.  I just googled “minivan literally gave birth” and got a bunch of results from other people who also hate that commercial.

http://macphoenix.com/index.php/2010/05/dont-make-me-chrysler/
http://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=73487&start=0
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan.cecil-adams/browse_thread/thread/1d4a6fbbb31b4ca9
http://www.fluther.com/98098/recently-what-word-have-you-heard-misused/
http://agirlcalledchris.tumblr.com/post/1163793671/stupidest-minivan-commercial-ever
Here’s a quote from that last site:

A new Dodge Caravan commercial brags that “It literally gave birth to all other minivans.”

Really?  Literally?  It literally pushed all other minivans out of its birth canal?  It literally has a birth canal?  It literally gave birth because it became pregnant via sexual contact with another Dodge Caravan, a male?  They literally were in love, but literally weren’t ready for baby vans at the time?  But the male Caravan was all, trust me baby I will be an amazing van father?  And the Lady Van was like, Ok Dude Van, I trust you, let’s have baby vans?  And then after she found out she was pregnant, he peaced out and she never heard from him again?  And she was pregnant with all other minivans?  All of them?

It literally gave birth to all other minivans. Literally Caravan penis in Caravangina action going on here. Literally Caravan porn.

Ok, lets settle down, watch favre complete a bunch of more wide open passes and check out some more hot football related pics.

This AT&T commercial is reminding me of how underrated Buddy Holly is…. and then the BK Breakfeast commercial following it reminds me of how much I hate that BK Breakfeast commercial, especially the loser pot head sitting on his front lawn folding chair laughing hysterically only after the mail man told him that what he just said was in fact an attempt at humor.

Wow, holy shit. I thought Brady was just throwing that ball away. Tate is pretty F ing Fast.  Well that helped me in fantasy in the one league. Lets celebrate that TD with an amazingly hot ass/football related pic.

I like the new Lebron commercial, especially the spot with Don Johnson doing a little Miami Vice parody.  Money.  Also, I don’t know how many people watch Eastbound and Down, but Don Johnson’s two episode arch was great.

Honestly, even the people IN the BK breakfast commercials look like they hate the BK breakfast commercials.

Wow nice INT. Sucks for Favre and not really his fault although  a better thrown ball wouldn’t have had that happen.  Come on Brady. TD time.    See I think that INT shows what I was saying.  He was completing a ton of passes, but they weren’t thrown that well. He didn’t hit a lot of people in stride, and a lot of them were a little behind or high, and probably because of the ankle.  Look I’m still a fan of Tavaris so I’ll root for him to get in always.  Ughhhhhh really, a running touch down. Again. Damn it Pats.

Jesus, I can’t believe it’s only 6:30.  I guess live blogging for five and a half straight hours is kind of over kill.

They just showed Philip Rivers throwing a TD pass to Gates and I can’t help but thinking that River’s looks like an asshole and that he also looks like Jenna Jameson’s ex husband.  I don’t know if her Ex was an asshole but who cares, I like making assumption based solely on how people look.  Speaking about making assumptions based on how people look, this chick likes anal.

Ok, so lets look at pics of Rivers and then Jenna’s ex and see if they look alike.

Yeah I guess it’s not that similar. Still. They both look like dicks.

What happened to Bernard Berrian.  He was money two years ago, and was on the rise like crazy.  Now it’s just baffling how bad he’s been playing.  Speaking of Vikings receivers, has Moss caught a pass yet.  aaaannnndddd another intentional grounding on favre.

Jesus, this sucks.  The guy i’m playing had to put in Tavaris cause he had no other options since his QB had a bye and forgot to put in McNabb. So Favre gets rocked, and then, BOOM TD Pass, then a 2 point conversion to Harvin, who he also has. grrrrrrrr.  I will say  this however, Howlings is doing awesome for me right now and doing way better than Ronnie Brown.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA   that guy just said to Troy Aikmen, “You know something about getting blasted on the chin.” HAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHA gay gay gay.  3====>~~~~

Ok, enough gay stuff, in fact lets look at the least gay picture in the history of mankind.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think Bret Favre has ever looked older than he did as they carted him back to the locker room.  He looked like he was mid 50s and … man, that image will just stick with me.  It was like a guy who has just finally admitted to needing medical help but more than that admitted that he’s old and not in control of his body to the point he use to be.  So he’s hurt physically but more hurt emotionally.  I’m not mocking the guy, I’m being serious, that was almost a haunting image.

So…. what is tom brady doing with those two QB dives in a row for a total of three inches.

GOD DAMN IT I hate those BK commercials.

Ok, here’s something else about that Skyline movie… there’s no plot in any of the previews.  Seriously, they give no context for whats happening.

STOP RUNNING IT IN FOR TDs.

Ugggghhhhhhhhh this is another thing I hate.  Why do they do this whole “Let’s talk with a former NFL official guy back in the studio” thing.  It’s just awkward, plus they never offer any insight that hasn’t already been stated by the commentators at the game. Ok ok ok… more hot football chicks.

nooooooooo, not garbage time points for Tavaris.

Bonus coverage…. what the hell uniforms are the Cardinals wearing? Is it black?  It kind of reminds me of that really dark green that Miami U wears sometimes.

I like Josh Freeman.  I want to see him do well.  Normally, I am an asshole who just roots against everyone, but he just seems like he’s kind of scrappy. like he doesn’t have a ton of skills but he just gets it done.  Speaking of which…. they didn’t give him the TD on that one?

Give it to howling and give me points. Nope, they gave it to blunt.  Did he just say “As simple as a screwdriver”? is that a common phrase.  He has to be a redneck.  there’s no other option. DAMNIT Michael Bush just got a TD in garbage time which really really hurts me in my other league.

DAMN great hit, great INT….. oh my guy howling got hurt on that…. sooooo that sucks.

Big FG attempt comming up.  So would it have been any different if they had been a little closer had Freeman thrown the ball away and not taken the sack? It looks like he might have tipped that either way.

Holy Shit. Ronde Barber is still in the league?  I bet Tiki didn’t even know that.

Oh I just realized that as a niners fan I should be rooting against the cardinals here since theoretically the niners could still win the division, especially since they just won earlier today. Wow, that INT is a dagger… specifically the type of dagger you accidentally throw into your own heart.

What a play by blount, leaping over a defender and then picking up 30 yards or so. Nice. That play deserves a hot chick football blah blah blah

Nice commercial with the always self effacing Joe Buck.  Man I use to hate Troy Aikman when he was with Dallas.

Ok, I just checked and it looks like the niners will be two games back of Seattle, St Louis, and if Arizona somehow wins… Arizona.  Sooooo really, loosing to Carolina last week, which was inexcusable, was a huge missed opportunity.  Hell they have had a ton of missed opportunities this year.

Ok it’s time for Sunday Night football…. and no more blogging.

I kind of forgot about the whole betting thing

Ok, I kind of slacked on the whole weekly NFL picks, but I’m back and ready to make some amazing picks that are guaranteed* to make you money.  My crazy awesome picks will be bold.

10/31 1:00 ET San Francisco
(At London)
-2.5 Denver 41
10/31 1:00 ET At Dallas -6.5 Jacksonville 43.5
10/31 1:00 ET At Detroit -2.5 Washington 44.5
10/31 1:00 ET At NY Jets -6 Green Bay 42
10/31 1:00 ET At St. Louis -2.5 Carolina 37
10/31 1:00 ET At Cincinnati -1 Miami 44
10/31 1:00 ET At Kansas City -7 Buffalo 45
10/31 4:05 ET At San Diego -4.5 Tennessee 44.5
10/31 4:15 ET At Arizona -3 Tampa Bay 39.5
10/31 4:15 ET At Oakland -2.5 Seattle 42
10/31 4:15 ET At New England -5.5 Minnesota 44
10/31 8:20 ET At New Orleans -1.5 Pittsburgh 44.5

Monday Night Football Line

11/1 8:35 ET At Indianapolis -5.5 Houston 51

If I had to actually put money on any of these games I would put fifty bucks on Denver to cover against San Fran, 25 bucks on Greenbay to cover against the Jets, and 25 on oakland to cover against seattle.  I am so confident with these picks that if you bet these games and loose, I will refund your lost money. **

But how has my other betting system worked out over the last several weeks? Well if you would have picked all the under dogs last week (week 7) you would have gone 10-4 which is pretty awesome.  How about week 6?  Boom: 6-6-2 …. wow good job Vegas.  Week 5 =  9-5.  Week 4’s record of  10-4 is also crazy awesome.  Using the underdog system would give you a 7 week record of:

61-33-5

That’s actually fairly astounding and makes me wonder why I’m not actually betting this system on Bodog or some other site.  From here on out I think I’m going to start to track four things instead of just three.   Right now I track my picks where I pick someone in every game, I also track picks where I’m very confident  and would consider betting, and then also tracking the underdog picks.  So what if I add another layer and pick all underdogs but exclude maybe two, three, or four games where I think the underdog has no chance.  If I look at this week I would have to choose …. probably none, ok lets say the bills… but not really… actually this is a stupid idea and i’m probably not going to track this since after cleavland destroyed the saints it’s hard to ever say that an underdog has no chance.  blah blah blah something something any give sunday yadda yadda yadda.

Ok, getting ready to watch the games in a couple minutes, so I’ll probably do some live blogging from home today as I watch … the dolphins v bengals and lions v redskins???  shit I don’t care about either of those games.  I guess I’ll be watching NFL.com as Troy Smith will try and lead the niners to a victory across the pond.

The next Joe Montana, Steve Young, or Jeff Garcia???? no.

Oh well at least the Vikings V Patriots should be good at 4.

* any “guarantees” are made in jest and the statements contained in this post are for entertainment purposes only.
** Nope. No I won’t.