A game I’m making for the superbowl party

Who remembers playing this game when they were a kid?

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This is going to sound sad but I remember playing this shit out of that game despite the fact that i never had anyone to play it with me.  While I’m on the subject of sad things I did as a kid relating to football, I use to buy those nfl mini mini helmets you could get in the gumball machines for a quarter, and then stick them on top of asprin bottles and use electrical tape and metal fasteners to try and make them look similar to the Bud Bowl teams. Remember the bud bowl?

Jesus Christ did I get a nostalgia boner watching that.

Let’s get back on track. I found the VHS game from my youth the other day at the salvation army for an insanely cheap price and I bought it and thought it would be fun to play at the superbowl party. But then I thought, “I can make it better.”  After all, technology has changed a lot over the past 30 years and the nfl has changed some too.

My goal is now to make a game, with a similar premise, that utilizes some of the game board, but also incorporates a few wrinkles that I think my buddies will love.  I want to play up some of the nostalgia, but also keep some of it relevant.

Speaking of nostalgia, let’s watch some more bud bowl.

I swear that is Terry Bradshaw playing the part of the one color commentator. I should look that up but I won’t.

Back to my game; let’s start with the central selling point of the game, the video plays.  Now in the original game you would start the tape at the begining and then there was probably 40 videos in a row of single NFL plays, mostly from unimportant games.  None of the plays were famous plays like “The Catch” or the “Immaculate Reception”.  Instead you might see a hand off to John Riggins for a short game, and then the screen would say something like “4 Yard Gain”.

Most of your movement up and down the game board/field came from rolling dice and drawing cards or something like that.  You only played the VHS tape a couple of times during a drive.

In my version all of the movement up and down the field will come from the videos… hopefully.  Let’s be straight about something.  I have the best intentions with stuff like this, but my follow through is sometimes lacking.     Maybe I would be better at completing little projects like this if I wasn’t constantly getting distracted by awesome videos like this one about bud bowl III.

I completely forgot about bud dry.

My plan for the videos is to download from youtube and some other sites, a bunch of famous plays, especially ones that are memorable for me and my friends, and then also some full games featuring teams we root for like the niners, vikes, fins, eagles, and Washington. (I’m not going to use the team name cause I’m a bleeding heart liberal).  Cutting up the videos will be easy, especially the ones from youtube, but the real problem I think I’ll have is finding a place to download full games so that I can get enough 3 yard runs and 6 yard middle of the field pass plays.  Luckily a lot of complete superbowls are online, so I should be able to steal …errr ummm borrow those for my personal use.

I could go all out and try to create something where each video clip is coded so that it would match where the player is on the field. That is way too much work for what I am doing.  Instead if someone is on the one yard line, clicks for the next video, it might play a video where someone runs for a 32 yard gain only to be tackled at the 1 yard line, and the player gets a TD.  I’m fine with that.  The original game basically worked the same way.

Making the individual video clips will be the most time consuming part and if I want to do it right, I think I want to have over 400 clips.  That might seem like over kill since the original game only had 30 or 40, but there is wrinkle I want to add that I haven’t reveal yet.  I want the game to videos to be skewed in favor of one player or the other based on who has the momentum.  How do you determine who has momentum?  Excellent question. I’ll answer it after this brief advertisement.

Hey….. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE FOOTBALL PLAYING BOTTLES OF BEER!!!!!  Also, who is that guy. I know him. He has been in a ton of stuff as a character actor, but I can’t figure it out. Maybe I’ll figure it out when I watch part 2 which hopefully WILL HAVE SOME GOD DAMN STOP MOTION ANIMATED BOTTLES OF BEER PLAYING A HIGH STAKES GAME OF FOOTBALL.

To answer the question posed a little bit ago, I am going to have the two players draw trading cards at regular intervals to help determine the momentum.  I have a ton of old football trading cards and I plan on separating them into piles of QBs, RBs, WRs, Defensive players, and Kickers.  I will then put each pile into one of those black jack shoes that they draw the cards from at casinos. If you don’t konw what i’m talking about, just google it you lazy fuck.

Every time there is a stoppage of play the two players will draw one card from each of the shoes.  They will then compare the cards of the same position to see who has the better player. Who ever has the most “better players” out of the 5, gets the momentum until the next stoppage of play.  I know that might raise a lot of questions, but let me explain some of this.

Each position will be judged by one statistic to determine which is better and that statistic is always the career total.  For QBs it is the quarter back rating.  RB = rush yards. WR = rec yards. Def = tackles. Kickers = FG made. Make sense so far? ok good.

Stoppage of play where momentum is determined happens once during pregame, before the kickoff. It happens again at halftime and the end of the first and third quarter.  Each coach also gets three time outs per half to change the momentum as well.   Speaking of timeouts, lets take one now and see how Bud Bowl IV is going.

MOTHERFUCKERS DIDN’T EVEN USE NEW BUD BOWL FOOTAGE. I think they just used shots from previous bud bowls and made up a new score. FUCK YOU CHRIS BERMAN YOU PIECE OF SHIT. GIVE ME BACK MY FOOTBALL PLAYING BEER BOTTLES.

You might be asking how I will get the video to play differently based on momentum.  Well, a lot of you probably don’t care, but I’m sure the more nerdy of you do. I thought about trying to develop code that would handle this and maybe play videos at random through the use of a random number generator, but i think I’m going to go the easy route and just use simple HTML and some iframes.  I think that each iframe will be set up to play a video clip that can be stopped and started, just like the old vhs game.  Each iframe will also be dedicated to a certain type of video.  1 will be for offensive plays when you have the momentum. one will be for when you don’t have the momentum, and one will be for field goals.

I guess I could add a fourth for punts and kickoffs, but fuck that noise. That’s too much work.  There will be one extra section to the website (which will just be a local PC stored uninspired HTML page), and that section is for challenges.  I’m really excited about this idea.  Obviously you won’t be challenging the actual video that was just played, but you can use the challenge flag as kind of do over when you really don’t want a play to stand.

Let me give  you an example.  In the videos among all the random non spectacular plays, there will be some famous plays. Lets use the butt fumble for instance. Oh and if you don’t remember the butt fumble, I’ll post it below.

amazing.

In this scenario if you are the team on offense and this video plays you obviously would want to challenge this since if you let it stand, your opponent will get 7 points (there’s no extra point attempts in this game.  That would be lame.)  To determine if you win a challenge you will be asked a crazy NFL trivia question where you have to pick higher or lower based on the supplied number.  For instance you could ask “In superbowl 49, did Tom Brady throw for more or less than 328 yards?”  If the challenging player guesses correctly, then they get to replay the down by playing the next video.

Each player, or I guess I should say coach will have two physical challenge flags they can throw, and if they win both challenges, they will get a third challenge.  Just like the NFL if you lose a challenge, you lose a timeout and momentum is automatically shifted to the other team/player/coach. Also, we aren’t going to worry about that nonsense about not being able to throw a challenge if you don’t have any timeouts, or all challenges inside of two minutes come from the booth.

Speaking of two minute warnings, I think we are at ours right now. Let’s see what is happening in Bud Bowl V.

holy shit is that a trip down memory lane of which I have no real memories. Ok, I’ll talk about my game in a second but I have so many questions. First of all Ahmad Rashad. I haven’t thought of him since I finally realized he didn’t know how to ask questions when interviewing NBA players after games and just made factual statements instead.  Second, who is the hot chick with the short hair. I know I should know her cause… well she’s hot, and I am shallow.  She looks like a way less intense version of Gina Carano.  What was up with the truck turning into a can of beer / robot monster hybrid? This was made in 93, but has the feel of a coked up 80’s idea.  (that is coke like cocain, not coca cola.)  Next, does Joe Namath have a perm?  And that is Roger Dorn playing the Bud Light Coach.  I get that having sentient beer bottle playing football isn’t that realistic, but where I can’t suspend disbelief was when that giant claw came down from the blimp.  And who the fuck was that woman who looked like a house wife from a far side cartoon who said “NOT!!!”  That had to been a catchphrase from something, but I don’t remember it at all.

I know this post was suppose to be about the game I want to set up for the superbowl party, but now I just need to watch the final bud bowl advertisement, and then probably end up going down a rabbit hole of random 80s commercials on youtube.  I predict that after this clip I will at some point be watching the Centurions on youtube tonight.

Ok that one really tried to deliver the funny and I appreciate the effort.  Let’s see what Bud Bowl VII brings us.

God damn it.  They did it again.  They did a stupid advertisement with no new football playing beer bottle animation. Horse shit.  Let’s see what I can find on youtube for the final Bud Bowl according to Wikipedia, Bud bowl 8.

What the fuck is that.  Ok That was weird and awkward.

After a lot of searching, I have found no video on the internet for Bud Bowl 8 that supposedly features Ronnie Lott and Howie Long.  That is so incredibly disappointing to me.  Luckily, i guess, Mentalfloss has an entire history of the Bud Bowl, and this is their description of number 8.

After a one-year hiatus, Bud Bowl VIII returned with another single, forgettable spot. Howie Long and Ronnie Lott provided coverage, holding Fox Sports microphones no less, from a bar in the Louisana bayou. After a fan stole his microphone and opened a fridge to reveal the Bud Bowl in action, Lott threw him out of a bar window and into a swamp. Lott proceeded to reveal the final score before the spot ended with a familiar refrain from the fan, who was sharing space in the swamp with an alligator: “I love you, man.”

I…. maybe it makes more sense and seems much much much less random if you actually got to see it.

ok, to send you out, here’s the Centurions:

 

Ok, I lied, I’m ending this post with the link to the youtube page where you can watch the entire two hours of the VHS tape. This is perfect for what I want to do. Whoooooo!!! makes things way easier for me. (skip the first like minute cause it is a weird intro to a game.)