Episodes that got me hooked on my favorite shows

Netflix recently announced that they had analyzed viewing habits to determine which episode of some popular TV series were the ones that got people hooked. There are a couple of ways they could have done this but I’m assuming this analysis looked at the drop off in views from one episode to the next. They probably then looked to see where the percentage in drop in viewership leveled off or decreased the least over the rest of the remaining episodes.

A lot of the results seemed to indicate episode two of a series was usually the episode that got people hooked, which makes sense. A large number will drop off after the first episode cause they don’t like it, so if you decide to watch the second episode it is a safe bet you at least like the show.  The second episode also usually is one of the better episodes since everything is still fresh but the episode isn’t restricted by needing to set up an entire Series the way the pilot is.

Outside of the 2nd episode there really wasn’t anything that made a lot of sense to me.  It wasn’t like the episodes that according to Netflix “got people hooked” were all that memorable for the most part, at least not to me. The third episode of Orange is the New Black, wasn’t that amazing to me compared to some later ones.  Madmen’s episode six had Peggy’s memorable “Basket full of kisses” line, but still seems unremarkable to me.  Daredevil episode 5 is good, just like all Daredevil episodes, but the episode before that is the amazing episode where we first meet Fisk, and the 2nd episode is the one with that crazy long tracking shot that was even better.

I think my point is that it is difficult to really pinpoint why one episode might get a large viewership to latch on to a show.  I’m thinking that some people probably take a more holistic approach and kind of just settle in once happy with the general direction and feel of a show up to that point.  Some people like me may get hooked more based on specific scenes or stories, hoping that similar levels of goodness show up in later episodes.  Other people… who knows, who cares. This blog is about me, so lets talk about what got me hooked on some of my favorite TV series. First up I am going to go through the shows that Netflix had on their list to see how mine synchs up with theirs.

Daredevil – Netflix episode 5, me episode 2 – tracking shot fight scene!!!!

Mad Men – Netflix episode 6, me S2 E 5 – We see a flashback to Don and Peggy in the hospital that shed an incredible amount of light on both people and their relationship

House of Cards – Netflix episode 3, me S1 E8 Frank returns to his alma mater, and it was cool to see him change from quasi evil Frank we know in the world of politics and show a brief but genuine human side

Breaking Bad – Netflix episode 2, me S3 E12 – Might seem odd that one of my top 3 favorite shows of all time would take towards the end of season 3 to get me hooked, but up until this episode it was a really good show that could have started to go down hill as it chugged along, but after that episode, and Mike’s speech, The show became great, borderline amazing, and actually got better from there.

Orange is the new Black – Netflix episode 3, me S1 E10, first episode I remember where the show was more than just a dark comedy and allowed itself to be heartbreaking

Dexter Netflix Episode 3, me S4 E 12, season finale that should have been the series finale. It was so good that it let me hold on through the disastrous final two seasons.

Sons of Anarchy – Netflix episode 2, me S3 E13

Better Call Saul – Netflix episode 4, me Episode 1

As I think about this, maybe some of those numbers don’t really show what episode got people hooked, as much as it showed around what episode people gave up.  Something like Better Call Saul, someone like me is going to watch every episode no mater what. They have me.  Other people might give the first few episodes a try after breaking bad just to see if they like it, but by the time episode 3 has ended they say “meh” not that into it and drop off.  Maybe episode doesn’t get people hooked, but instead separates those who like the show for the show itself, from the people who were just checking it out to see if they might like the show.

Something else that I noticed with my notations above is that with shows like Mad Men or Sons of anarchy that have been on a long time, it isn’t so much about an episode that gets me into the show, it is more about an episode that cements my love for the show so much that I know I will follow through to the end even if it starts to hit rough patches. Granted, Mad Men was never not good, but Sons of Anarchy was kind of bad over the last few seasons.  It was that last episode of season 3 though that won my loyalty and sustained me through some of the awful episodes in the later years.

A good example of this might be The killing.  Netflix had the second episode as the one that got people hooked. For me, while I really liked the killing as a show, never had a standout episode or scene that resonated with me.  That is probably a factor in why I gave up a couple episodes into the most recent season that was on Netflix.  Just so there is no misunderstanding, these “episodes that got people hooked” doesn’t mean it is the episode produced by Netflix. When Netflix says it was the second episode of the killing that got people hooked, they mean of season 1 that was on AMC originally.

Now I am going to think about some of my other all time favorite shows:

The Shield – Pilot , first show where I remember there being an anti hero that I really rooted for, and then it all got turned on its ear in the last few moments of the episode

The Wire – S1 E3, specifically the Chess scene

ER – Love’s labors lost

Justified – not sure, but this was such a money line

Californication –  S2 E 12 – The final episode of this season had a scene with more heart than I thought the show was capable of. in fact most of the episode follow suit and the non ID side of me fell in love with show. Here is the clip, but if you didn’t watch that season it won’t make sense.

True Detective – S1 E1, the ending of that episode, how Rust Cole set up the mystery surrounding the whole rest of the season “Start asking the right fucking questions” got me hooked so fierce I even watched every episode of the underwhelming 2nd season.

Archer – Skytanic – it was the first episode I saw, but on multiple viewings, I hold it up as one of, if not, the best.

There are some other long running shows that I love like Southpark, Quantum Leap, Chuck, The Walking Dead, or Star Trek TNG that I didn’t list an episode that got me hooked, because, honestly I couldn’t think of one that stood out.  Some of these episodes, really probably aren’t the episodes that “got me hooked” but they are the episodes that made me loyal and made me appreciate them more than I do most other shows.

What is Michael Jordan’s horribly depressing story arc in those Hanes commercials

I have a big issue with a lot of commercials that are on the air now a days. (or is it nowa days.., now adays?) This is probably caused in part by the fact that I mostly watch stuff online and don’t pay attention to commercials the way I use to when I had cable.  I think when I had cable I’d see so many commercials that I kind of just zoned out and shut down my critical thinking when they were on.  Now I see less commercials and I end up paying more attention to the ones I do see, and a lot of them are not so secretly sad and depressing.

Some time later I want to deconstruct how awful most vodka commercials are now a d..  currently, but for now lets focus on Michael Jordan and the Hanes commercials he has done over the last several years.  First let me state my hypothesis:

The Michael Jordan Hanes commercials are set in an alternate reality in which Jordan has been ostracized from most of society and his life is in shambles.

One major piece of evidence to support this claim is that in most of the commercials he is just wearing a Hanes shirt. In our reality, he is super rich, and probably doesn’t wear Hanes shirts on an everyday basis, or if he does he only wears them as an undershirt with some very expensive clothing being worn over top.  In the world of the Hanes commercials, he is usually wearing a plain white Hanes t shirt.  In fact in a majority of the recent commercial it is the same exact outfit.  He may in fact only have one change of clothes in the Hanes universe, which I will from here on out call the Hanesverse.

MJ_whiteShirt_Blue_blazer

Do all three commercials take place on the same day or is he re wearing the same outfit.

But before we go too far down the rabbit hole, lets look at where he started to try to figure out where he ended up.  These first two commercials show Jordan as he is still today; a celebrity among celebrities.  Here are commercials, one featuring Cuba Gooding Jr. and another featuring Charlie Sheen, in which both celebs kind of fall apart when Jordan is in the area.

You can see that Jordan is kind of aloof but still likes the attention in these commercials.  In fact, I feel that is the defining characteristic of the Michael Jordan in the Hanesverse. He loves the admiration and attention he gets from celebs and other people but doesn’t want show it.  He acts humble, but inside you know it is a big ego boost and it is something that he craves.

At some point however there was a seismic shift from whom Jordan is getting this much desired admiration and attention. He went from getting hugs and high fives from comedic actors whose careers have taken some odd turns in the last 10 years, and now is seen hanging out with random normal people.  There is nothing wrong with that in of itself, after all there is lots of evidence that being a celebrity doesn’t make you a more worth while human being *cough the Kardashians*.  But, it is still odd that in the next couple of advertisements below that no one is excited to see Michael Jordan.

In the first commercial we see Jordan wonder up to an office drone working in his cube and demand that he hand over the tag from his boxer shorts that is talking and apparently a sentient being that can feel pain. It is not clear if Jordan just works at this office or if he is the owner or boss, but it seems clear that having Jordan in this office is not a big deal to the man in the cubicle. In the second commercial we see Jordan at a laid back barbeque party. There isn’t a lot of context to determine if he was invited or if he just showed up like an unusually tall drifter, but I’m going to guess the former.  If I had to put money on it, I would guess it was a work colleague’s party and that Jordan showed up solo.  Why do I think he showed up by himself, without a date?  Well…

This is the commercial that first got me thinking that Jordan’s life isn’t going well.  First of all let’s cover the most obvious thing that stands out about this particular commercial; Michael Jordan is sitting alone in a mostly empty movie theater.  Maybe his date, or whoever he went with, is getting snacks or in the bathroom at the exact moment that this commercial takes place.  That could be a possibility, but I like to think that at this point in the Hanesverse Jordan has lost most of his friends and is kind of a loner.  I will explain why later, but let me quickly point out that for the third straight commercial the humans that see Jordan aren’t impressed, but the sentient clothing tags that Jordan murders are aware of who he is and seem genuinely surprised or excited.   That is until they are murdered by either drowning, being burned alive, or shredded to death.

We will see in a little bit, how far Jordan has still left to fall, but right now I want to explore the point in the Hanesverse where I believe we find out what triggered Jordan’s fall from grace.

This commercial can be summed up in one word. Hitler Mustache. Jesus, that’s two words. Anyways, this is the moment I feel that Jordan starts his fall from grace.  The guy sitting next to Jordan on the airplane is pretty excited to be sitting next to Jordan and is having a hard time keeping himself in check. This makes me think we are not too far away from the days of Jordan getting hugs from Cuba Gooding Jr and being tacitly responsible for Charlie Sheen’s car accidents.  Another piece of evidence to support this theory is that Jordan is not wearing his White shirt with blue outfit, and instead is wearing something that looks fitting a man of his socioeconomic stature.

This is the first sighting of Jordan rocking the “Hitler” mustache, or as some might call it “The Charlie Chaplain”, although I have a feeling in real life he wanted people to refer to it as the “Jordan”.  The question we have to ask ourselves is why in the Hanesverse is Jordan suddenly sporting this controversial piece of facial hair. I believe that at this moment in the Hanesverse timeline clothing tags have first begun to show their sentience and that Michael Jordan views them as something that needs to be eradicated.

Yes. Michael Jordan is sporting a Hitler mustache to show his support for the extermination of a race of sentient beings in the same way that Hitler once tried to do.  The main difference being that Hitler wanted to kill everyone that was Jewish, while Jordan wants to kill all the clothing collars, who are admittedly kind of annoying.

I know that seems like a reach, but re-watch that commercial again. Jordan is not on a private jet. He is just in first class. First class is nice, but it isn’t Michael Jordan nice.  Also, Jordan is flying solo again.  No Charles Barkley or other celeb ridding shotgun with him as he flies 15 hours to….? No idea, but that is a long ass flight so you have to assume he is flying internationally, maybe to round up support in Germany?????

So we know Jordan is on a long flight in first class and no one else on the flight is looking at him, he is still aloof and seems to smile when recognized and gets addoration, and he has a Hitler mustache. Not a lot to go on.  But check out the way the guy sitting next to him acts.  Tell me that guy doesn’t have the perfect reaction of someone who 100% agrees with Jordan’s “Kill all Tags” rhetoric but has never had the courage to say it to anyone else.  Here he is, sitting next to the only man in America brave enough to speak out against the Tags and offer a solution to the problem… a final solution.

I believe that up until this flight, Jordan had lost that feeling he would get when a celeb or random person would see him and shower him with love and praise.  Jordan spoke out against the recent emergence of these sentient Tags and was rejected by all his famous friends and most of society, but this man was finally giving him the attention he so desperately craved. Plus this man was totally on board with his hatred of Tags and Hitler mustache.

After this fateful flight, Jordan turned away from his old life and the celebs he use to pal around with and embraced like minded everyday people.  As time rolled on the general consensus of the population changed from acceptance of this new race of cloth based life, and turned into annoyance.  Fed up with the lack of action by the government and people in general, Jordan took it upon himself to destroy these creatures one by one. He even went as far as to give himself a standard outfit, or uniform, that he would wear every day as he went around convincing people to let him do what they didn’t have the heart to do; kill the annoying Tags.

If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been capitalizing “Tags” to make it appear that they are a recognized group with a name that is a proper noun.

There is a post script to Jordan’s crusade in the Hanesverse however. Simply put, all wars must ends. Either the Tags are erased from the face of the earth, or Jordan has given up the fight having realized that even for a great man like him, it was a futile endeavor.   Either way he is a broken man, who lost his fortune in his mad quest, and now lives a commoner’s life in a crowded apartment.

Maybe I am being to hard and Michael Jordan is not a broken man, but instead he may just be a man with a few cracks.  He is fallen so far that he is living in an apartment with three other guys half his age, one of whom brutalized adorable kittens while the rest watch on in amusement.  Jordan sees his one roommate wearing a shirt made of kittens (he’s clearly insane), and all Jordan can do is shake his head and chuckle before heading to the kitchen to get some Wheaties. At the end of the line Jordan is forced to live with people who almost mockingly refer to him by his first and last name, to shame him into remembering what he had once been.

Even his choice in clothing is telling. His signature blue windbreaker is gone, now replaced by an uninspired grey hoodie. The hoodie makes me think he is at peace with where his life ended up, knowing that it is all from his doing, and it doesn’t appear he is going to try and change it.  I know that is a lot to surmise just from a popular piece of clothing, but in context I think it is a pretty astute observation.

Alternate Theory: Michael Jordan is suffered a psychotic break and is hallucinating the talking tags and the kitten t-shirt… and also the guy on the plane who is kind of his own version of Tyler Durden.

I think this is also a possibility that could explain a lot of things like his slow slide down the economic ladder. Maybe the guy on the plane was real, but was so annoying that in just 15 hours, he drove Jordan permanently insane. Maybe all the commercials are from his perspective in which people freely hand over their “talking clothing tags” but in reality he is mumbling incoherently to people and then forcibly ripping their tags off so he can “stop the voices” that only he seems to hear.  Maybe that final commercial is when Jordan is living in a halfway house after spending time in a state mental institution, and the reason at the end he just shakes his head and says “dude” is because he didn’t take his medication and realizes he is starting to lose it again.

Let me know what evidence for against my theories you have, or if you have any competing theories.

Mad Men Spin off Ideas

AMC currently has spin off shows of two of their biggest shows ever, now ranking as two of their current biggest shows… if what I just typed made sense. Breaking Bad was amazing and gave birth to Better Call Saul which is also fairly amazing.  Walking Dead is a ratings behemoth and has given us Fear the Walking Dead which so far has also been a ratings hit, even if I can’t really get into it.

Thinking about how well these spinoffs have worked out, I wondered what other spin off opportunities there are for AMC.  Obviously the spin off would need to be off of an actual hit show, so there aren’t a lot of options for AMC to pursue. Granted Hell on Wheels seems to be getting a little more popular and The Killing  was popular enough to get a 2nd chance on Netflix, but really the only show that could offer spinoff opportunities at this point is Mad Men.

The first question is, would a Mad Men spin off want to focus on one or a few specific characters from the original the way Better Call Saul did, or just trade on the name by using the same world with some tangential connections to the original like Fear the Walking Dead.  I guess another alternative is to split the difference, and take a somewhat popular character but move them into a somewhat different setting.

First, let’s rule out some characters that I wouldn’t want to be the focus of a Mad Men spin off.  Peggy Olson is the first to go.  I think that her character arc probably still has a lot of places to go after the Mad Men finale, but unless she decides to give up on advertising and go in a very different direction in her life, I think people would just see it as a prologue to Mad Men and not something unique unto itself.  The same problem probably exists for Roger Sterling and Harry Crane as well, where having them leave the industry they are in, and do something that would be deserving of a spin off, really isn’t in their nature.

I also don’t want to see the kids of Don Draper. I’m sure there is a lot there for Sally and … the other one to deal with once their mother is dead and they are living with their cousins or something, but I don’t care about that stuff.  It isn’t interesting enough to me to be the central focus of a show.  Also, this may be obvious, but lets just assume we can ignore any crazy show ideas like Betty, Lane Pryce, and Bert hanging out in the after life, or the real Don Draper is actually living Dick Whitman’s life the whole time and we never knew it.

Also speaking of crazy, Stan Rizzo was great but after he went nuts I’m not sure what could be done with his character.  I’m assuming a lot, but one of the reasons you do a spin off is that you are trying to capitalize on the success of what came before it.  I don’t think anyone is really that interested in Stan Rizzo trying to piece his life together after getting out of a mental institution.  Maybe for an episode or two, or as a cameo appearance, but I just don’t think he was ever popular enough to carry a show.

Now lets get to one of the most obvious choices. First up is Pete and Trudy Campbell.  I think of Pete the same way I think of Prez on the wire. I loathed him, for good reason, during the first season.  As the show went on two things happened. One, you got use to him and started to over look some of the minor shitty things about the character you might not have liked at the beginning. Second, the character got better as a person. He found a better moral center to work from. I guess a third thing, is that you also find thing to like about the character that might not have been there, or maybe were not noticed before. I feel like I should give some concrete examples here, but I’m not going to cause it is more fun to just speculate wildly on what a Pete and Trudy show could entail.

When Mad Men ended he had just reunited with Trudy and taken a job with Lear Jets in Wichita.  This is fantastic obviously because not only does the job lend itself to all sort of adventures, but so does the location.  Trudy and Pete would both be fish out of water in the Midwest I would think, and since Lear Jet is a private plane company he also would end up meeting all kinds of people in all kinds of industries where the only thing the clients have in common is that they have a lot of money.  One week Pete could be dealing with a slimy oil executive while Trudy is dealing with School problems for their daughter, and the next week Pete is trying to keep up with a crazy rock and roll star while Trudy tries to ingratiate herself with the local mothers and their Midwest ideas of fun.  Maybe a Hollywood producer or actor need the service of lear jets and it turns into an adventure for both pete and Trudy as the Hollywood types make a move for Trudy since she is played by Alison Brie and she is so god damn beautiful that it makes me hate Dave Franco.

I think the the thing that would give this spin off an edge over most other ideas is that Pete has such a strong comedic presence that they could play that up and really separate itself from Mad Men which was much more serious. Similar to Breaking Bad vs. Better Call Saul if you think about it. Also, being a part of an airplane company, means that the locations from week to week, making the story much more malleable.  One week a story could take place in Kansas, the next week New York to check in on Joan Harris. Another week it is out to California to see Ken Cosgrove who has a book being turned into a motion picture in Hollywood. Then it is off to Paris where find Megan Draper doing a French TV Soup Opera.

The downside is that I am not sure what the ongoing storyline for each season would be. Granted you could argue that was kind of an issue with Mad Men.  Even as a fan of the show it is always hard for me to try and explain what the focus of each season was.  It really was all about the characters living their lives as they interconnected with each other and their job.  In fact, towards the later half of the series, you rarely worried about big picture job related stuff like if they would land a big account or not since the business year after year always seemed to find a way to succeed.  Of course this is a new show and maybe the cast of characters isn’t as big.  With Mad Men you had one on going main focus in Don and then 5 or 6 other focuses that were a couple steps below.  With this show maybe cut down on the number of ongoing storylines and really hone in on just a few people.  In fact, it would be better if every storyline has some sort of impact on Pete and Trudy, whether directly, or indirectly via it’s impact on the kid or the business.  With Mad Men I’m not sure if Rizzo cutting off his nipple ever had any affect on Don.

Oh one more thing, how awesome would it be if by some random crazy happenstance, Meredith ended up applying for, and getting a job at Lear, and ending up working with Pete.  Look, whatever happens, she needs to be in the next show.

I think I’ve made my case for the Further Adventures of Pete and Trudy Campbell, although I don’t think that would be a good name and I can’t think of a better one right now.  Regardless, what are some other ideas for a spin off?  Joan Harris and her info video company, or whatever that was she was working on at the end of the last episode, could be a spin off. It would be a good, girl power thing.  Also, she was by far one of the most popular characters on the show, even more so than Pete.  She is also moving into a new industry, but she is still in new York and I feel like she would just be too likely to bump into the same people from Mad Men.

How about someone like Salvatore, Paul, Ken, or Megan?  Salvatore could be out of the closet now. Paul is trying his hand at starting his own religion.  Ken is going to be a full time writer. Megan is an actress who has just hit it big.  There is potential for all of that, but I don’t think that any of those shows would get a big bump from the Mad Men fans like the way Fear the Walking Dead and Better Call Saul built off their pre existing fan bases.

I do have one other character that would be awesome to build a show around. Bob Benson. Seriously, what do you think happened to that guy?  I’m sure it was something crazy awesome and amazing.  Maybe we could get yahoo to do a half hour webseries where Bob tries to track down his friend who ran off with Pete Campbell’s mother.  I would watch that.  I would even watch each episode multiple times just to improve the page views for Yahoo.

One last idea. A show focused around a support group for all the women Don gave Hep C to. He didn’t know he had it, but he did, and now all these ladies get together on the third Sunday of every month to talk about the emotional and now physical pain Don’s betrayal has caused them.

Giving Fantastic Four a second look

I know I trashed the recent Fantastic Four movie, but my buddy Rocco hadn’t seen it, wanted to see it, and I decided to tag along and give it a second viewing.  Right off the bat I will say that the movie was a lot better the second time around.  I have some theories on why that is, but I think the most obvious is that on the second viewing I had already processed all the stuff that annoyed me, and now I was left to focus on the good stuff.

There were, however, a few random things that really stood out to me the 2nd time through, some good, some bad.  I will try to keep these in order, but will probably towards the end just toss random stuff up in a standard nerd rage rant. So here we go.

When Reed and Ben are in the baxter building and ben is basically saying what he thinks will be goodbye to Reed, he gives him a swiss amry knife.  It was clearly suppose to be touching and kind of a call back to when they were kids, 10 minutes earlier, and he let Reed borrow his swiss army knife. I swear I am remembering that part correct.  All I know is when I saw that flash on the screen I thought “Ok, looks like they just introduced Checkov’s Swiss army knife. Obviously Reed will use this to save his or someone’s life later on.”

I was wrong. It never came up again. I guess one of the reasons I thought this was dumb is two fold. First of all, it felt really forced and didn’t land with anything close to being sentimental probably because Ben was just like “here” and that was it. No speech really. That is all fine if they had brought the knife up later, but they didn’t.  My other reason for hating on this is that using the screw driver on a swiss army knife sucks. It’s only an emergency situation thing.  There’s no reason Reed wouldn’t have a screwdriver in his childhood garage/lab.   It’s a small thing but just felt like it was a remnant from another draft of the movie.

When we first meet dr. doom he is acting all emo at his house, sitting in the dark, doing nerd computer stuff.  They are trying to portrait him as being anti social and pessemistic, while also arogant and elitest. So of course he is listening to classical music.  If you want to make someone seem like a nihlistic self important douche, what classical music song would probably the worst to have the character listen to in this scene? If you answere the  spring by vivaldi, then you and I think alike, and we also both greatly disagree with the people who made this movie and decided to drop that track into this scene.

There is sexual tension between Johnny Storm and Sue Storm.  Granted they aren’t blood relatives, but the times they tried to show love and affection between the two of them, it came off as near strangers who kind of maybe want to bone.

On second viewing the one thing that stands out to me is that the movie has some genuinely funny lines and moments.  Not enough to make up for the scene where Sue calls Viktor “Dr. Doom”, which drives me crazy, and I spent too much time writting about in the last blog post.

I didn’t catch this the first time but at one point Reed is asleep on a lab table and sue flicks reeds ear and he awakens and on instinct almost hits her….. just like the comics. I’m sure I am exaggerating that scene but my god how awesome would it have been if in a FF movie they committed to making Reed a total dick.

A third of this movie features people putting on or taking of sunglasses.

Three grown ass men get drunk from sharing a slightly undersized flask of some type of liquor. Unless that is romulan Ale or some super powerfull space aged 400 proof science vodka, those three should not be drunk, or even buzzed.  They didn’t try to portray them as being sloppy drunk, but they still had liquid courage.  Johnny Storm is an illegal street racer in the beginning of this movie. I’m sure he has had some alcohol before and can handle a third of a flask of .. whiskey? It was Viktor’s flask so since he is so pretentious that he listens to obscure classical composers like Vivaldi, I’m guessing that flask had either Crown Royal or Absolute.

Johnny storm is afraid of heights on planet zero… why? This is never addressed again and you think it would be part of his whole learning to fly story arc.  Man they really only paid lip service to most of the characters and just barely gave them any depth.  If he is a street racer, wouldn’t it be natural for him to be more fearless than the rest?  So why make it seem like he is either afraid of what they are about to do or afraid of heights?

Science 101, don’t stick your hand into an unkown green goo. Maybe if Viktor actually was a real Dr. Doom and had a PHD, he would know that whatever that shit was, could easily just melt your hand, or cause a random chain reaction where the planet seems to attack foreign invaders. Something else crazy about this scene, is that it was kind of in the trailer and is one of the many things they changed or left out. I think in the trailer the pools of alien magic stuff was red, but in the finished movie it is green. Why make that change?  Who the fuck knows.

Dr. manhattan special effects are all over this movie. Well maybe just the part with the power outage when they first come back from the negative zone…. I’m sorry, I meant planet zero.

Why are the doctors in this movie so shitty with their bedside manner. You have four 18 year old kids who have just been turned into monsters, and when they wake up all scared, you just either ignore them in a scary dark metal room or just don’t talk to them at all and ignore their questions.  Reed and the doctos behind glass basically have this exchange:

Reed: “where are my friends?”
Doctor number 1: “He is starting to get adjitated, should we talk to him soothingly and let him know every is going to be all-”
Doctor number 2: “Sedate him.”
Doctor number 3: “We could just say something reassuring to calm him down so this doesn’t keep happening, and maybe even get some usefull information out of him to-”
Doctor number 2: “Nahhhh, just sedate him.”

Why is no one watching reed? like there should be 24 hrs surveillance on these guys.  Reed wakes up, does some mumbling, slips out of his restraints, very slowly, and slides disgustingly into the air vents cause he loves Die Hard. Were all the personnel at this highly militarized, very secure compound? Are they all out on a smoke break? Maybe they just got bored of staring at a sleeping teenager with the frightened screams of a rock monster echoing in the background, and decided “Fuck this, lets take a look at that dude who is literally constantly on fire. It is fucking sweet.”

“reeds gone your friend isn’t coming back.” wouldn’t the thing think he’s dead after hearing that? Maybe Ben would at least be confused or just not accept what he said immediately.

“I’m not going to be a tool” – sue storm. how about weapon, or tool for destruction. “I’m not going to be a tool!” She sounds like someone trying to justify their placement in their group of friends. “I’m totally kickass. Your just jelly cause I’m so awesome and sexy.”

A government guy says to Dr Storm that “Subject two is ready” when referring to Johnny storm. And Dr. Storm is like ..”Yep”.  Have some balls dude. Maybe dr. storm should have said something about subject two being his son and his son has a name, it’s johnny, and he may be afraid of heights but we don’t really know.

music to help sue concentrate during the internet search for reed is the type of music you would play in a comedy where and idiot was pretending to be a genius. I really hate this whole scene.  Why not have her find Reed but refuse to turn him in and maybe do some computer stuff to keep him hidden, and then have him get found some other way?  In the movie’s version of events, Sue uses her special gift of pattern recognition and knowledge of Reed’s favorite book to find him, thereby betraying him. What is the consequence of that? Nothing. When they meet up again for the first time, Sue is like “I had to do it” and he is like “No prob.”  It meant nothing.  They are all best friends again.  Why not use my idea, have her show her devotion to him, and thereby give the audience a legitimate reason to think of these two people as being a family, or part of a family, or maybe even being capable of loving each other one day?

I just realized it only take 10 minutes for reed to fix everything. Literally. Only 10 minutes.  He says there is a few lines of code that are in the wrong order and he can fix it in 10 minutes, or maybe less. Holy shit. There is no way the person who wrote this gave any fucks that day.  First of all, they were able to build and create everything they needed to recreate the transporter technology from what they did at the Baxter building…. except for some lines of code were out of place. Think about that.  How is that possible?  They make it sound like the only way they could get the thing working again is Reed, and when he gets there all that was wrong with everything they did, was a copy and paste error in the computer code they had copied from back up servers somewhere.

This is infuriating.  It was only the second time through this movie that I realized that when Reed returns to the group, it is literally only a matter of maybe a few hours that he is there before every conflict is resolved almost instantly.  Sue, Johnny, and Reed are all friends. Reed gets the machine working. I guess there is still the issue of fixing Ben, but… seriously, watch this again and realize how little movie time takes place from when Reed is brought back to base to when they defeat Doom and save the world. It is insane how quickly that all goes down not just in real time but also in terms of the movie.

When reed is looking at the feed from the red shirts they sent to planet zero he says the landscape has changed. A government military guys asks the reasonable question; “How?” His response: “i don’t know” ummmm maybe everything isn’t green. use your words reed. You are a god damn super genius. I’m sure you can use just a few ounces of concentration to get that big brain to remember what is different. Peoples lives may be at stake.

The slimey guy that was kind of the boss of Dr. Storm was supposed to end up being the mole man. Doom kills him Scanners style. So two of the FF’s biggest all time villains die in this movie and are given no shot at being in a sequel.  Why not at the end have Johnny Storm shoot a fire ball into the air to celebrate and have it fly off into space and hit and kill Galactus, knocking him over so that he falls down and lands on, and kills, annihlus.

I didn’t mention it before but isn’t it is kind of fucked up that dr. storm dies. Like for almost no real reason. I don’t know what it added to the story, especially at that moment. Maybe if there was another act in this movie it would have had some more impact and his children would have had a chance to react, but that’s not what happened.

Reed’s speach at the end is up there with independents day president speech.

“you always thought you were smarter than me.” “I am smarter than you.” Nice come back Reed.

One other thing I just remembered. Why is Sue holding her breath while floating in the invisible bubble at the beginning, well, middle of the movie, and then when her and Reed and Ben are in the bubble, she doesn’t say anything to them about holding their breath. It kind of seemed like it would have been a somewhat long enough journey through that worm hole that they should be informed that oxygen would be at a short supply and to breath accordingly.

Man, I just don’t know.  There are so many ways, and reasons, this could have and should have been a really good movie, but it just falls so flat. I think this one may actually be worse than rise of the silver surfer.