Why the hell is the back of my right hand green. I was about to type something up about who Darth Vader should fight in the next installment of ScrewAttack’s Death Battle series, and I suddenly noticed the back of my right hand was green in some places. It’s rubbing off, which is a good thing I am assuming, but I have no idea what around me is green and transferable to skin. It looks like it is from a green highlighter but none of those exist anywhere near me at this moment.
I honestly thought for a moment that if it didn’t wash off, I would have to go to the doctor, and he or she would probably look at the partially green hand and then look at me and say “Look Mr. Johnson, I think we have bigger issues to worry about than just your hand.” So thank god the green mystery stuff washed off so I can continue to live in blissful ignorance of whatever terrible illness is probably plaguing me.
Ok back to Darth Vader. Death Battle did a teaser that their next Death Battle would feature Darth Vader taking on a mystery opponent. I guess there was a way to find out by following them on twitter or by doing something else that I have no intention of doing. Instead I am going to speculate wildly about who he is going to fight and then later check out their site to see if I was correct with any of my guesses.
DarkHawk – Yes, any time I can throw dark hawk into a blog post, I will. Look he is mostly black, has shinny armor. Does Outer Space Stuff. No laser sword type weapon but he does do energy blasts.
darkhawk vs darth vader yielded no relevant goolge image search results.
Darth Maul – This one is very unlikely since Death Battles usually pit two similar people that are in separate fictional universes that would never normally have a chance to fight. Usually. There have been exceptions like when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had a battle royale, or when Captain America fought Batman despite them having actually fought each other in a DC vs. Marvel cross over a bunch of years back. Still, I don’t see Darth Maul fighting Vader as being that likely, but yes more likely than him fighting Darkhawk.
Johnny Cash – The man in Black vs. a jedi who is a cyborg in black. ok this one might be the most unrealistic.
Cyborg – Well speaking of black cyborgs… , cyborg from the teen titans and justice league is a black guy who is a cyborg. I don’t see it being that compelling of a match up. Same goes for Deathlock from the Marvel universe
The Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail – i think we know how this fight would go. Probably end in a draw.
Bender – I am really grasping at straws and unless bender gets some help from the robot devil or the even more evil robot, santa claus, then he would be fucked royaly in this fight. Might be funny though.
Data – While I would root for data pretty hard in this, and he would have the edge in technology and intellegence, he isn’t much of a fighter. Plus he is an android and not an actual cyborg.
Cylon number 6 – Here is another android that wouldn’t fair will against vader, but she does have the hotness advantage.
something something the force is strong something something wanna bang her sooooo bad
Inspector Gadget – ok so this dude is a true cyborg, but he isn’t much of a fighter except when he is accidentally doing stuff… btw, ever read the theory that inspector Gadget is actually Dr. Claw?
The Borg – ok one last cyborg to consider. Well, don’t consider it very long because even if it was locutus of borg, that version of Picard has no moves and is kind of dumb as far as being a tactician.
Voldemort – This is my odds on favorite. He’s a bad guy. Like a big bad evil bad guy. Plus Harry Potter fought Luke Skywalker in a death battle episode so it would kind of make sense.
Dr. Doom – This also makes a lot of sense since it is a bad guy and this time he is in a suit of armor. Ok it isn’t a black suit of armor, and no laser sword to use against a light saber, but still it makes more sense than Johnny Cash.
Batman – Jesus fan boys. When I did a google image search of “darth vader vs.” there were a lot of images of him fighting Batman. Why? Cause he’s the god damn batman. I still don’t think it makes a lot of sense though.
Oh there are also a lot of fan art of magneto fighting Darth, and I guess I understand how that might work, but I kind of feel like both of them would just instantly kill the other one either with the force that magneto can’t protect against, or magnetos’ magnetism on Darth’s metal parts which he can’t defend against.
Doom……. meh. I’m not that excited. Should have been Johnny Cash.