I don’t know why, but over the past three months I’ve been having some really weird dreams. None of them overly fucked up where I wake up and want to sell my fathers company cause some guy spining a dradel told me to. They are more just completely random. Like the madlibs version of dreaming. So I decided I should track some of the more crazy ones on here.
like most dreams that I remember, my memory starts right in the middle of the action of the dream with virtually no context to put it in perspective. So I’m on an airplane but I think I’m part of a movie set on an Airplane and the movie is staring daniel craig.
I don’t think I’m an actor in the movie, I just think that in the weird dream world that it was a movie and I was a character in it. This is where it got kind of Meta in the dream. Everyone on the plane pauses the movie, that they themselves are a part of, to check imdb to see what the scene we were just a part of meant. There was a cliffhanger that had some luggage rotating on the bottom of plane with names on it and depending on what name was focused on by the camera, we would then learn who the bad guy or good guy or about to be dead guy was. Sadly the director did a shitty job of showing the name long enough for us to read which is why we went on IMDB to see what other people had commented on the movie said about this scene… that we were just a part of.
Also while we are doing this, Daniel Craig and I guess the bad guy are having an air surfing battle like you would have seen on the saturday morning cartoon Tail Spin.
I get bored with the movie I’m apart of and decide that while i’m on IMDB I’ll start talking with some people about how awesome the show ER was. I start chatting with people on IMDB (which is now a room with a bunch of people in it) about how the show should have naturally ended with Mark Green’s death and that although it has some good moments after that, it was a good stopping point for anyone who doesn’t want to watch 15 seasons of a prime time show. Everyone is agreeing with me cause i’m awesome at IMDB discussions.
Next thing George Clooney/Dr Doug Ross walks out of the meeting and heads to the basement. I follow cause I know it’s time for my shift. See now I am somehow I’m working in basemant of ER where deliveries of organs are made. This is one of those things that makes perfect sense in the context of the dream world, but i’m sure Freud would just say I’m following George Clooney so he can bang me in the ass.
I Get a random organ delivery, like a spleen, liver, nose, and take it up to docs without incident. I think that this is no longer a movie that i’m a part of and is just my job in the dream world context, but if it had been a movie, this would have been a scene that was included only so the audience could understand what a standard delivery is supposed to entail so that the drama of the next delivery will resonate with those not in the medical field.
Next delivery we get, which I think is sent to us through a series of pneumatic tubes, is a still beating heart. The way we find out it is still beating is cause my hot coworker accidentally spits on it when opening the container and that causes it to start beating. You know because before the heart was asleep and not moving around that much and kind of looked like a normal not in a human body type heart.
For some reason the fact that it is till beating means that there isn’t enough time to use the required procedures that can’t be rushed. So I try and rush things so that whoever needs this heart gets it; lives are on the line here. But i’m not fast enough and I’m trying to run up the ridiculously complex stairs to where the heart surgeons are and some how the purpose of my journey has changed from trying to get this heart to someone on time and moved to me trying to get it to the docs in a way that no one will notice its too late and that way I don’t get fired. As I’m trying to go up the stairs I see the Doctor who I guess is my protagonist and if he sees me with the heart he’ll rat me out for being late, so remember Nurse Lydia from ER?
Well she says that she will distract him so I can slip by. Lydia goes up to the doctor and her way of distracting him is to gives the doc a blow job in basically a public stair well. I don’t mean like an enclosed back of the building stair well. I mean a giant wood and glass mammoth stair case in the middle of the lobby that is more there for its aesthetics than functionality.
At first her tactic has thrown me off but the doctor seems thoroughly distracted so I sneak by and find the doctors I know well and I’m like, uhhh hear is the heart that only seconds ago was delivered. Must have been a delay on someone elses part. The docs are like, whys it late again, and i’m like check out that blow job, they don’t seem to really care about heart or bj and just keep talking about how the chocolate factory is going.
In dreams you just don’t need segueys, but just so you understand the Docs in the hospital turned into the IT people I worked with two and three jobs before. They tell me that the heart was for the one guy who owned one of the chocolate pits made from choc covered pants and other fabric. I in my real life never worked at a chocolate factory, but these IT people I know in real life are now in this dream all working at a chocolate factory where you have these factory lines where you use chocolate covered …. anything to create the patterns of the chocolate. So one guy used chocolate covered shorts so that when the chocolate flowed into his line the shorts would separate it out into two streams and then he had a bunch of assorted chocolate covered stuff that then would further separate the chocolate into the right pattern. One of these things was a chocolate covered dust buster.
One of my IT buddies tells me it’s only 800 if I want the vat that the guy missing a heart use to own so that I can make my own chocolate. my old work buddy Erik wants to partner up. He’s now a chain smoker that lives in Florida and is fronting the money since even in dreams i’m poor. Sounds like a solid business model so we go into business together.
We Start mixing the samples of the chocolate we want in our candy bars and Erik turns into shaq.
We both simultaniously come up with the idea for the Super Dupper Peanutbutter Chocolate bar. Since we can’t compete with Hershey’s we thought this would be a good way we could get some sales off people who thought we were a part of Hersheys. See Hershey park has the supper dupper looper roller coaster and the logo for the candy bar is a loop or circle or something. Then Shaq wants a chunky peanut putter chocolate bar. I want a george washington Carter peanut butter bar to court the black demographic.
We use some Disney animated mice to make the molds to save money over having the factory make the molds. I thought the mice would be cheap slave labor but Shak wants to pay them their normal fees which are crazy expensive. Also the mice do a shitty job.
While this is going on Shaq is also doing a shitty job of mixing the chocolate and peanutbutter for the test run, and some how gets shreaded nacho cheese into the mix. The whole thing looks like one of those buffets where there’s a mexican section right in the middle of the italian section and the nacho chesse and lettuce is everywhere cause people just don’t give a a fuck.
Then my alarm goes off, I wake up, and I write all of this down for my loyal readers. Tomorrow at some point I’m going to post my NBA finals live blog… which really isn’t a live blog at all if you want to be a dick about it.