Last night I was at my part time job and I got to thinking about the staggering number of jobs I’ve had in my life. Since I love talking about myself  I’ve decided to list them all here in order from first to most recent.

  1. Bingo Hall Quarter Collector – I was going to throw in the word “Executive” to add humor to this entry, but I think the idea of me working in a ghetto area of harrisburg bingo hall is humorous enough.
  2. Nursing Home Dietary Aid/Kitchen Cleaning Guy – I forget what the official title was of the guy who worked a little later than all the other dietary people and was responsible for cleaning everything in the kitchen, but that was the job I had towards the end of my Villa Theresa days.  The begining and middle part of my Villa Theresa days was spent in this order: Pots and Pans, Dishes, Main Dinning Hall, 3rd and 4th floor dinning halls, Trays, Cooks assistant.  Everyone of those jobs was soul crushing in one way or another.
  3. New and Used car sales – I spent about three months selling New and Used cars at Harrisburg Toyota.  If you go into car sales, it can’t just be a passing thing, you have to view it as a career and at 20 I wasn’t thinking about a career. They taught you a ton about sales at that location, but absolutely nothing about the cars, so you knew how to present a car’s “features & benefits” but you just had no idea what they were.
  4. Collection Agent – I followed up the sleazy used car sales position with a job as one of those assholes who calls you at home to bitch that you haven’t paid your phone bill.  I didn’t mind those calls. The ones I hated were the medical bills because either the person didn’t think they were being billed fairly (which was probably true) or they had insane medical bills because of some illness and because of that illness couldn’t work and therefore couldn’t pay said bills.  With those people, i barely attempted to collect the money and never tried to overcome an objection.
  5. Mall Security Guard – If i didn’t hate myself after those last two jobs, then I would totally hate myself after this job.  In my defense I wanted a job where I could sit around and work on homework for the calculus class I was taking at the time.  This worked well for the first three weeks until they changed their mind about how I would keep the Tangers Mall Outlet safe, and I was then told I hate to be on constant patrols the entire night.
  6. Funeral Home Surveyor – Yeah this isn’t glamorous but is still a little better than the last three in terms of hating myself at the end of every work day (not a lot better, just a little better mind you).  I would do a survey that was kind of similar to the surveys they were doing in the movie Boiler Room except instead of qualifying someone to see if they could purchase 10 grand worth of a companies IPO, I was seeing if a person had their funeral plans already lined up.
  7. Telemarketing Rep (Long Distant Sale / Web Hosting Sales / Local Phone Service) / Telemarketing Supervisor / Help desk Coordinator – And once again I’m still performing a job that is considered somewhat loathsome by the large majority of people. But, I was really good at it and got promoted a couple of times and then the company I was with lost 75% of their stock value and they took away all my commission.  I transfer to the help desk which is less loathsome, but still hated by most people who have to deal with it.
  8. Collections Again – just a part time gig for a couple of months. Not sure why I needed the money at that point… probably a heroine addiction I don’t remember.
  9. Telemarketing Trainer / Customer Service Trainer / Correspondence System Specialist
  10. Poker Writer
  11. Web Master
  12. Office Manager
  13. Home Remodeling Surveyor
  14. Help desk again
  15. Pollster
  16. Night Auditor
  17. Collections…. *sigh* again –
The sad thing is that I’m sure I am forgetting a job or two in there somewhere.

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