Smallville Live Blog

It’s another friday night, which means another Smallville Live Blog.  If I had to explain why I keep watching the final season of this terrible, terrible show, I’d say that it is entertaining in the same manner that Mystery Science Theatre 3000 was entertaining.  The only difference is that with MST3K the mocking of the show was a passive part of the show, where as with Smallville I don’t have instant commentary on the show’s horribleness, which necessitates my need to blog about it, and read the comicalliance.com reviews of each episode.

So before the episode actually starts, let me review the major plot lines that I think are supposed to be important in this episode.

– Darkseid is supposed to be comming to earth as some sort of harbenger of death
– There is some radio personality guy who hates heros
– Grannie goodness is making an army of hot female kryptonite sexy ninjas
– Clark’s cousin super girl is a way better super hero than he is

Here’s the thing about smallville that I’ve learned from watching this season… the “bad guys” are probably right.  Seriously, if you never knew anything about Superman, including the fact that he is a good guy, the longer the show goes on, the more you realize a lot of the problems in the world of the smallville show are reaally a direct result of Clark and the other bad guys and that the supposed villians on the show are probably actually doing what is best for the whole of humanity.

Anyways, it’s about to start. WHOOOOOOO!!!!!! Smallvile !!!!! SOOOOOO TEEERRRRIIIIBBBLLLLLEEEE!!!!!

Ok, so it looks like this episode is going to be about clark comming up with a new super hero identity, and officially move away from the blur and to the super man suit and cape.  I really hope they don’t try to fool people into thinking they are two seperate people.  Even in small ville , the world’s population wouldn’t be that stupid to not connect the two.

Ugh Chloe and the green arrow trying to be playfully romanitc and flirtatious is just painfull. It’s like they watch a James Bond movie where bond and the hot female agent meet up in a night club and flirt with each other while pretending they don’t know each other and the entire conversation is just full of tounge and cheek dialouge where the characters are furthering their plotlines with eachother without letting anyone ease dropping know that they know each other.  Smallville didn’t pull this off.

WOW, they just totally ripped off a move from the movie Date night, and they even made the maitredee woman look kind of like olivia munn who was the maitredee in Date Night.  Oh, look Chloe in Green arrow are now in the middle of some sort of danger because they took someone elses reservation, just like in the movie Date Night.

Christ, enough with the Lost Trumpet fade out.

WOW WOW WOW, the lost trumpet thing is just painfull now.

Why are the police treating clark clent the reporter like he is like a top FBI official. It’s a god damn crime scene, you don’t just let reporters walk around while the Lab guys are still collecting evidence.

Well I’m sure that coroner isn’t a bad guy.

Yeah, Smallville is going out of their way to make the Green Arrow and Chloe plotline as similar to Date Night as possible.  Hey look the once happy couple are now fighting with each other over trivial issues which have been exasberated by being kidnapped in a unfortunate case of, wrong place, wrong time.

Since when can Chloe fight, the writers know she’s not in the Matrix any more right.

Wait so the FBI don’t recognize Oliver Queen / the green arrow, eventhough he went on TV revealed his secret identity, and was the biggest news story for several months. Yep. it looks like terrible writting strikes again.

So Green arrow just left, less than two seconds ago, and yet he is far enough away that he doesn’t hear the FBI agent yell at Chloe and then Desad kill the FBI agent with the black Oil alien stuff from the X-files.  Oh and yeah, I was right, the coroner is a bad guy.

Boom, third Lost Trumpet fade out of the episode.  Soooooo Chloe and Green Arrow are seperated and in seperate danger… yeah that totally didn’t happen in Date Night.
I’ll be honest, seeing Alison Mack died up and wet is the best part of the episode so far.  Ok, if i’m being really really honest, Alison Mack sweaty or naked in a skimpy outfit is pretty awesome.

OMG, and now we have Seven. Kind of. Not Really, but I don’t understand why an evil Alien uses our 7 deadly sincs as part of his torture/brainwashing.  Wait is this guy an Alien? Whot the fuck knows with this show.

Jesus, now we have White suit Matrix Chloe. Let me guess. Pride.

Yep, it was Pride.

So they only did 5 of the 7 deadly sins, I guess they couldn’t come up with scenarios for the last two. No Pie eating contest for Chloe.

Ok, we just heard a very toned down Lost Trumpet fade out. I’m ok with that one.

How exactly did Clark just defeat Desaad?  Desaad used some kind of black thunder gravity thing to pin Clark against the wall and then it just wears off as Desaad leaves and then green arrow finds Desaad and starts punching him since Desaad is trying to get Green Arrow to go all Wrath head in a box on Desaad. Then Clark stops Green Arrow and Desaad just doesn’t put up any kind of fight since ???? Profit??

So Lois and Clark when they talk to each other must think that the other person either has the worse memory in history or are painfully aware that there is an audience watching who have never watched the show before.

They just had a conversation last five minutes that in the real world would have been completed in three setences.

Lois: Clark, you have to wear a mask if you are going to be the blur and marry me and be clark clent.

Clark: No Lois, what if Clark was the mask and The Blur was the real me? I’ll just wear these glasses and act clumsy like someone who is the exact opposite of the blur.

AAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDD scene.

Uggggghhhhhhhhh and one last Lost Trumpet sound effect.

Holy shit. They just showed the previews for next week and they are ripping off the hangover…. which yes is kind of a rip off of Dude where’s my car.

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