Smallville Live Blog

As I’ve mentioned before, I started watching Smallville this season for the sole reason that I was shocked that it made it 10 years and thought it would be fun to catch the final season without learning much, if anything about the previous seasons.  So tonight is a new episode and since i have no life, I decided to live blog my initial thoughts as I watch the episode.  I have no idea what this episode is supposed to be about, but it should be noted that last weeks episode was one of the worse pieces of television ever produce.  Hopefully this one is better, but who the fuck knows.

Ok the episode opens up with the return of Lionel Luthor, who was killed in this universe but another version from another universe came to this universe two episodes ago. I know you might be confused by this so let me answer the question you are probably asking, Lionel Luthor is Lex Luthor’s father.

I just hear the Lost trumpet sound affect.  If you ever watched the show lost you know exactly what I’m talking about.  It is very distinctive and the opposite of subtle.   It doesn’t surprise me that Smallville has ripped off something like a musical transitional element since last weeks episode was basically The Matrix but with Neo’s name chanced to Clark Kent.

I don’t know the full story, but the guy who played Lex Luthor left the show several years back, probably because he was just tired of being way better than the show he was on.  This is the final season and they have some kind of plot line where Lex had made a bunch of clones of himself in case he needed some spare organs, and now one of the clones is rapidly growing to adulthood and somehow has all of Lex’s memories.  Basically they need Lex Luthor but the guy who originally played him couldn’t lower himself back down to Smallville’s level.  In the Smallville universe Lex Luthor already knows that Clark is Superman (which they call “The Blur”) even though Clark hasn’t even become Superman yet. Sooooooooooo maybe they are going to do something where the clone doesn’t really know Clark is superman, or looses some of his memories, so that the series will end at what most people know as the starting point of the Superman story; i.e Clark is secretly Superman and Lex hate’s Superman and wants to find his identity.

Chloe seems way less annoying after getting fucked.  I think the Green Arrow totally fucked all of her cheesy word play and puns right out of her.

Once again, the kent farm is way too golden.

Clarks thriller jacket is way too tacky.  They won’t actually put Clark in the Superman outfit since he’s not supposed to become Superman till the final episode. Instead, Smallville has his dress in a red leather jacket that looks like Michael Jackson’s thriller Jacket but with a sumerman logo stitched into the center.

It’s amazing how large a percentage of the dialog of each episode is comprised of speeches.  I’m not saying that the dialog should be vapid like the hills, but not every line of dialog is supposed to be written in an attempt to blow the viewer away with cinematic excellence.

Did anyone doubt that clark’s mom was going to get shot at.  Wait wait wait.  Here’s another example of the writers not being consistent in Clark’s abilities.  Here’s what happened.

Lois and Clark just happen to turn on the TV in time to catch a Pro Superhero/Vigalante rally where the guest speaker is Clark’s mom who was elected Senator of Kansas after Senator Pa Kent died (Yep, on the Smallville show Ma and Pa Kent became Senators).  It’s never discussed why Clark is oblivious to the fact that his mom is going to be on TV making a speech, but whatever.  So Clark and Lois are watching this on a TV on the clark family farm when all of a sudden shots ring out on the TV screen and you can see Clarks mom hit the ground as panic ensues.

Clark looks terrified for a moment and then speeds out of the house in a blur (see that where he gets his current hero name from).  Next he arrives at the Metropolis Hospital where a secret service person tells him, his mom is fine and in the hospital room behind him.  She was wearing a vest so the only damage was a cracked rib, and a flesh wound to the left arm where a bullet had grazed her.

Here’s the problem.  In a previous episode it has been shown just how god damn fast clark is.  In fact, it’s been shown just about every week.  In one episode he is standing in a Smallville cornfield, and one of the Lex Luthor clones sets of explosives at the Daily Bugel which sends that giant globe thing on top of the building crashing down towards the street.  Clark is so fast that in the time a giant ass globe can fall from the top of a sky scraper, he manages to put out a fire that is threatening Lois, run all the way from Smallville to downtown Metropolis, Jump up and catch the globe before it hits the street below, and place it back on top of the building.

Now in this episode, Clark is watching live TV and sees his mom gets shot, yet doesn’t get to Metropolis until his mom has already been evacuated from the rally, taken to the hospital, checked out by a doctor, had x-rays of her arm and ribs taken, had her harm either stitched or bandaged, had her arm put in a sling and checked out.

Either superman was running at least than top speed cause he really wasn’t that concerned about the possible assassination of his mom or everyone else in metropolis just happened to be running at super sonic speeds that day.

And why is the metropolis hospital also golden.  Seriously, just because a scene takes place during the day, it doesn’t mean that the son is actually sitting directly outside the window of whatever room clark is standing in.

My god the Metropolis police must be terrible.  Exactly how long did they look for clues before giving up.  Not only did they not tape off any area of the crime scene, but they never bothered to try and find out where the shots were fired from.  I honestly think the cops of Metropolis are just so used to the Green Arrow and The Blur solving crimes that they just go through the motions in case someone is looking and purposefully over look clues just to prevent themselves from having to do extra work that they know a superhero is going to do anyway.

Jesus would it kill them to write a line of dialog that wasn’t supposed to be… awe inspiring?  Or at least don’t fail so miserably when trying to write said awe inspiring dialog.   It’s like watching a youtube video where someone put all the greatest lines from a tv show together into a 10 minute span.  Then someone took that video and said to the writers of Smallville “Hey, write a show that has nothing but awesome quotes like this youtube clip”.

Holy shit they did the trumpet sound again.

HAHA nice rip on fox news.

Wait, lex shot at martha kent with a revolver? how far away was he when he shot at her? They showed the crows nest he shot from… that the cops just didn’t even try to find i’m guessing, and …. he’s Lex Luthor, would he really not have had the ability or knowledge to realize a rifle would work better and then go get one.

So chloe is a super hacker, why are her and lois going to print out pamphlets… ok never mind, lois does want chloe to do some super hacking…. on every news website in the world.  Yep.  Look, I hate how TV shows and Movies make hacking seem so easy that someone can just type fast and instantly get access to any goverment database from virtually any PC or Laptop in the world. It doesn’t work that way.  Second, Lois is pissed that no news organization will print her Pro Vigalanty article and tries to wrap herself in some kind of freedom of speech / freedom of press crusade.  Yet her solution to the problem isn’t to Start her on site, or maybe email the article to people, or post it on a social networking site. No instead she has chloe take over every news website on the net and replace their content with hers… which is totally not a violation of anyones civil liberties since, you know, she’s lois lane, and she banged Superman a couple episodes back.

A threat from Martha Kent is one of the least intimidating things ever.

So… he didn’t set the place on fire?  Why did he poor alcohol every where then? Ok I’m confused with another series of events.  Martha Kent confronts Lex and Lionel Luthor at their mansion.  (Lex is the clone lex, since the other one supposedly died several seasons ago).  So Martha yells at Lionel for being evil and from another universe, and then Lex out of know here just cold cocks her.  Then Lex talks smack to his dad and starts throwing liquor bottles every where making the room soaked in flamable liquid, which is dangerous since there is a roaring fire in the fire place. then Lex knocks his dad out (Although one is a clone, and the other is from another universe so they technically aren’t father and son if you really think about it).  Next Lex slowly pours a long path of brandy right up to the roaring fire and just stands there without setting any of the brandy or other alcohol on fire.  He looks at the knocked out Ma Kent and tells her that he is going to spare her since watching her son die would be much more painful.  Then he throws the rest of the liquor bottle into the fire place while doing the most overly dramatic slow motion scream in terrible TV history.  The scene ends and you are left to assume???? that he didn’t light the place on fire. That the liquor from that bottle smashing into the fire place probably only made the fire burn larger/brighter for a few seconds and didn’t get sooooo large as to set fire to the gin soaked room.  Afterall, Lex was standing right in front of the fire and was surrounded by all the alcohol he’s spilled, so if throwing that bottle into the fire had set the place on fire, that would almost surely include him.

Have there been any entrances by a character where he or she didn’t suddenly appear standing behind  another character?

Jesus, more speeches.

Boom, the third lost trumpet.

Ok so he did set the place on fire. What exactly did Alexander mean then when he said he was sparing Martha?  Oh, and do the writers of Smallville know that things like smoke inhalation exist?  Seriously, you can totally die from being in a burning building even if no actual flames touch you.

Ughhhhhhhhhh even the people doing the web shot outs to Clark, are trying way too hard to be earnest.  This scene is going on WAY too long.  And how much is the average person supposed to know about the Blur?

Ok, now the combination of overly inspiring musice with overly dramatic speeches is making me nausous.  Seriously all that happen just now, is Chloe showed clark a website. That’s all that happened, yet they used the same music in this scene you normaly only hear after a small town football team over cam racial disharmony, came together as a team, and triumphed over a much larger team in the state championship game.

Oh, and why would something like a national law be put up for a public vote.  That never has happened. Yes there are things put on local ballaots like gay marriage, but a law enforcment initative isn’t something that could be put up for a vote since it’s a legal issue.

More speeches.

And now dramatic music as they opened a window.  He literally pressed a button that opened a window which let the sunlight in.  That’s it.  The window is on the top floor of a sky scraper which means almost no one can see inside it, soooooo why the dramatic music?

Ok, the ending was kind of cool with the needle breaking on Lex’s arm.  Ok, maybe Lex set the building on fire knowing clark would rescue his mother, and would also allow himself to get close to clark so he could steal or copy his powers somehow.  That actually would be kind of Lex Luthor-ish.

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