NFL week 14 Live blog

It’s about an hour and a half before kick off, so I am starting to load up all of the barely football related pics into the blog post for this weeks edition of NFL live blog.  Ok, honestly these pics have nothing to do with football.  It is just a bunch of hot smart girls. Some are Mensa chicks, some are Harvard chicks, and some are High School valedictorians. Not current high school valedictorians, but women who are totally of legal age right now, but when in high school were the valedictorians.  Whatever, don’t judge me. I like the ladies.

I will be watching from home today cause I don’t feel like getting dressed or leaving the house.  Fox is showing the giants at vikings and cbs is showing bengals at steelers.  This is the first week of the playoffs for me, but I don’t have any players in either of those games.  This means lots of stat tracking on yahoo during the games.

Ok lets get the smart hot girl parade started with Natalie Portman.  Yeah I could go into depth about how intellegent each of these women are, citing examples, and providing links to further information, but I don’t feel like doing that.  I’m lazy and I’d rather keep the intros short. Natalie Portman graduated from High School with a perfect 4.0 and graduated from Harvard with a B.S in Psychology.

It looks like the giants V vikings game got rescheduled since there is a huge snowstorm up there and the roof colapsed. I think they are going to air the Packers game which would be good since I have Donald Driver in fantasy. Nope, it’s Redskins Vs. Tampa. Ok, well I have Chris cooley so this game is important as well. I have a bye week in my cut throat league even though i’m on a two game loosing streak.  I’m also in a couple other leagues but i’m in last place in one, first place in the other, and honestly don’t care about either of them.

These announcers are going to ride the shit out of Josh Freeman i can already tell.  Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but I hate when announcers go crazy with their praise of a player.  Wow, did Freeman underthrouw that ball.  I guess the announcers won’t be talking about Freeman’s deep ball today.

I’m so dissapointed with McNabb this season.  I really wanted him to do better than Kolb, which I guess he technically has since he’s still playing, but I wanted the Redskins to do well and for the Eagles to suffer for letting him go.  Nice run by Torrain, although most of it was just speed.   The announcers just said that the skins need to find a way of getting  Cooley involved and I couldn’t agree more. Whoooooo Fantasy football.

McNabb just tried to throw a bounce pass to Cooley who was wide open.  Yeahhhhhhh!!!!!! no points for me.  Oh wait. Darren McFadden just scored a TD. Less than six minute into the game and he has a TD, five touches for a total of 75 yards. Nice. That helps me in a big way for him to get off to a good start.

Whoooo!!! pizza is here. yum. Green pepers and red onions.  That’s kind of Christmasey right?

Ok next up we have another Harvard chick, well I think she went there but I’m not sure. I do remember that she has a photographic memory and is very talented musically. So good for her.  Rashida Jones has probably done a bunch of other intelligent stuff but you can look that up on your own.

Hot lanta is up 14 nothing pretty early on in their game.  I have their kicker so the high scoring is good, although i’d prefer a pair of field goals instead of TDs.  I love commenting on commercials so I guess I should mention that I think I don’t like the Dodge Charger commercial with the whole American Revolution theme.  It’s a little too over the top on the nose symbolism.  It’s like the Dodge people said “We would like to have the Charger associated with how great america is, you know stuff like muscle cars and freedom.”  Then the ad people came up with the least subtle approach they could think of and filmed it.

Wet field conditions are so advantageous to running backs. It’s harder for the D to square up to make a tackle, plus the RB is wet and slippery so tackling in of itself is more difficult.  Plus on Defense you are reacting to the offense so you are more likely to slip than the offense can.  That’s one of the reasons Torain is tearing up right now, plus he’s healthy and the Redskins O line are actually blocking well.

Once again another redzone chance and no catches by Cooley and Redskins are attempting AND MISSING a Field Goal.  Two missed field goals today. Holy shit is he fired.

Danica McKellar was Wendy on the wonder years and after that show ended she went to college and became a huge math geek, kind of by accident, and ended up having some formulas named after her.

Speaking of weather conditions having an impact. Blount was running hard through tacklers and then the ball gets poked out kind of easily.  So the bad weather can cut both ways.  The Skins need to get some points off of this turnover.  If they don’t, I predict they loose.  Anytime you see one team dominate but not actually get any points from their lucky breaks and big plays, it often catches up to them once the other team starts clicking on all cylinders.

I also think that when one team makes mistakes and the other team doesn’t capitalize, it gives that first team more confidence cause they almost feel like, ok we can play loose cause even if we make a mistake, it’s not going to hurt us.

Donald Driver still hasn’t caught a pass and there’s only ten minutes left in the first half.   Another redzone possession and now they are going for it on fourth an goal.  Hey TD…. to some white guy not named Cooley. Fuck this shit.  Wow, the redskins kicker barely got the extra point.   It looks like Guliver’s Travels staring Jack Black might be pretty good since it looks like it is going to be right in Jack Black’s wheel house.  Also I think Olivia Wilde is in it, and she’s sooooooooooo ooooooooooo hot.

I love the Geico commercial with R Lee M .. you know the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. I forget what his last name is.  The way he suddenly screams at his patient makes me laugh every time.

Ok, how about another hot, partially asian chick. Asia Carrera was a pornstar, but before that she was a Mensa Member, and a classically trained pianist who performed at Carnegie Hall at the age of 16.

I’m not sure why I’m thinking about this, but did you know that Olivia Wilde’s maiden name is Cockburn. Seriously, check out her Wikipedia page. it’s true. probably.  Ok, one catch by Driver for five yards is better than nothing but I need something more from him and cooley in the second half.  McFadden is tearing up and has almost 100 yards receiving.  Matt Bryant looks like he might get several more FG or Xpt attempts in his game so that’s good.   Ok, two minute drill for the redskins. Lets see if Cooley gets any looks.  Torain is making the Bucs D his bitch by the way.  I hope he at least kisses them on the neck or buys them dinner or something.

Come on, you are inside the Ten. Throw to Cooley. pppppplllleeeeaaasssseeeeeeee….. pretty please.

Oh, I forgot to mention that yes, that is asia carrera playing the piano naked above, the pic is angled so you can’t see anything but that is totally hot.  If I ever become insanely rich i’m going to get me one of those for my house.  The hot asian piano player doesn’t have to be a pornstar but it wouldn’t hurt either I guess.

Matt Bryant just kicked a field goal, so I’m happy with what he’s been doing so far.

WTH are the redskins doing. They are inside the five, get a delay of game AFTER calling a time out. annnnnnddddddd incomplete pass, so here comes a field goal attempt who is oh and two right now. The pass wasn’t thrown to Cooley by the way, and the field goal kick was barely good.

And for some more Mensa inspired hotness we have Shakira. Yep, that Shakira, the singer Shakira, is in fact a mensa member.

So the half time highlights of the packers game show Rodgers getting injured, so now i’m dependent on Matt Flynn throwing the ball to driver in what looks like an ugly low scoring game. Shit.

The vikings roof collapse looks cool.  It’s amazing how awesome a stadium roof leak/collapse can look when there isn’t a city full of flood victims under it.

Bucs kicked a squib for second half kickoff and the bucks actually got it back after some guy let it bounce off his chest around the 30 something.  Redskins suck.  Ok, Tampa, just score, and then let redskins throw all day to Cooley.

Why does Southwest advertise the fact that you can only buy tickets at their site as a positive feature?  That actually kind of sucks.  I’d rather just go to Travelocity and get rates from all the major airlines except southwest, then waste my time going to southwest.com.

Torain is doing really well. You know who’s not?  Chris Cooley. Still, plenty of time left for him to make an impact. ….. and three and out. Way to go redskins. Hopefully Matt Flynn is doing better with the Pack.

Ok how about another hot singer. Alicia Keys graduated from her HS as the valedictorian at age 16 and then left Columbia University cause she would rather make shit tons of money making awesome songs like Empire State of Mind.

Deangello Hall is about to get ejected if he doesn’t settle down.  He’s kind of sucked ass today and is the main reason Tampa is even in this game right now.  London Fletcher is such a wiley veteran.  This game is starting to get pretty boring though. Three minutes left in third and Cooley still has no catches.

Another TD by McFadden. He’s helping to pick up the slack for Driver and Cooley.  Everytime they show McFadden I keep thinking he’s Charlie Garner.  Another TD by the falcons which means another xtra point by Bryant for me.

WOW what a terrible fumble by freeman. first and goal at the one and it just slips out as he takes it from center.  The best part is that it took him too long to realize he didn’t have the football.  Most times that happens the QB dives into the back of the center immediately.  Still, Tampa has the ball back now after another redskins three an out and they are driving again.

There’s more hot mensa women like Gina Davis, but i don’t feel like downloading any more pics right now. Maybe later. Also, ina Davis is old right now, which is gross. Speaking of gross I just did a google image search for Gina Davis and some ripped weightlifter chick showed up in the half the results.  i guess her name is actually spelled Geena Davis.

VS. 

One of these women is a mensa member of Hollywood, and the other can bench press a car.

And Tampa takes the lead back thanks to a Vernon Davis like play from Freeman and Winslow.

Hey they have Mike Perrira from the LA broadcast center with an in game segment that added absolutely nothing to the broadcast.  Wow. That is a worthless segment they do. I   OMG IOMG IO++ OMG OMG OMG chris cooley finally caught a pass.   7  yards. That gives him almost a full fantasy point in my league. Hey another catch two plays later. holy hell. 15 yards on this catch.  Maybe if I stay sarcastic He’ll keep catching passes.

Oh hey another catch that didn’t go to Cooley, how awesome. I’m sure ignoring your best receiver is going to help you win this game.  Oh and now an incomplete pass to Williams. That’s even better. I bet plays like that will get this team all the way to the super bowl.  Hey another catch by williams that didn’t get a first down. Aweomse, keep it up guys, it’s only a minute left down by 7 now inside the 20.  Great another catch not by Cooley. yeahhhhh!!!! whoooo!!!! …. this sarcasm thing isn’t working well.

Santana Moss TD catch.

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH botched extra point attempt. aaaaannnndddd the skins loose on that play.

I told you that the redskins were going to loose when they didn’t take advantage of all of those redzone trips in the first half.

BTW, it looks like the skins never should have gotten that TD since it was on 5th down, but not really since there was  first down that nobody realized.

Holy shit another TD by McFadden.  He is tearing up for me right now. Thank god. He and Garcon are saving my ass.

Ok, I had to switch over to the Jags V Raiders game since the pitt v cincy game was final and CBS switched to this awesomeness.  MJD just scored so the jags are up 38 to 31 with a minute and a half left.  I wish i had started Garrard since I think he has three TDs in this game.

Ok how about some more Mensa Hotness. Well technically I don’t know if she was ever in Mensa but she had a proported 152 IQ. Jayne Mansfield. Yeah let’s get some old school hotness up in here.

ughhhh terrible sack by Jason Campbell, followed by a stupid over the middle pass by Campbell. I was hoping for Over time so that McFadden would get more points, but how well.

Oh Christ.  If I had known the weather was going to be as bad as it is in Chi town, then I wouldn’t have started Brady. Fuck.  I don’t expect he’s going to be throwing 4 TD passes today.  Granted he is 2 for 2 but he also got sacked once.  My guess is that the pats will do some type of no huddle for most of the game with a mix of short quick passes, and draw plays.  So if they get in the redzone, it will be a crap shoot whether or not they get any TDs and if any of them turn out to be passing TDs.   Ok now, brady is only 2 for 4. shit. This is going to suck.

Whoooooo Malcom Floyd with a TD catch.   oohhhhh thank god. Brady pass almost intercepted. Come on. Get a TD pass here. pplleleeaasseee.  YES TD Pass. He deserves Giesel.

I miss playing football in the snow.  Those were good times.

Ok, the next hot smart chick isn’t the hottest, but she was on that show Dead Like Me, which I really liked, although I only watch the first couple of episodes and then stopped for no apparent reason.  She is in Mensa, and here are some reasonably attractive pics of her.

Dang, Pats TD but on the ground. Still lots of passing from Brady in this game so far.   That actually hurts me since i have the bears D. So I want Pats TDs but only if Brady throws or runs them in.

Bears fumble returned for TD. That might kind of help me if they don’t credit the points against my bears D since the ensuing kick return will give me points.

That Dead like Me chick kind of looks like a less happy/Slutty version of Bree Olson….. who is probably not in Mensa.

Nice, Brian Westbrook with a TD.  That makes up for the FG the pats just kicked and the points it took away from the Bears D.  Nice turnover by pats. Hopefully leads to Brady pass TD. Nope another field goal.  But I did get a TD from Malcom Floyd just now. His second one today.  Whoooo!!!!!!!

Julian Edelmen is a beast today.  Sadly his punt return TD got taken back because of a hold.  Jesus, Brady has gotten lucky as hell with defenders droping INT passes.  WOW, TD pass with 5 seconds left like 60 yard pass. That’s awesome for me.

DAMNIT they switched away from the bears/pats game and put on the jetz/dolphins game which i don’t want to watch. Why does god hate me?

Ok let me think about who else I can list as hot and crazy smart.  The red head from mythbusters Kari Byron.

Supposedly that last pic is actually her, but I have my doubts.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s