NFL semi live blog week 10

I didn’t make any picks this week mainly because I suck and the only thing I care about it how the underdogs perform.

I call this a semi live blog since I’m at aarogas with Gamble and Bridgette and am way more focused on food than on typing.

Our waitress today is probably the best combination of cute and friendly I’ve had in a while. Very talkative but in an upbeat positive kind of way.

It is really hard to concentrate on any one game with so many TVs howing so many games.  I will say that even with all of the non stop football action flying of the TVs I am ready to say that Garrard is completly failing me on fantasy football and I think it’s mostly Jones Drew’s fault for being so good so far.

I also normally post a bunch of pics of barely football related hot chicks, but since I’m in a public place it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to google image search “Hot bitches holding footballs”.  Next week, it’s on.

Gamble and bridgette are talking about mortgage refinancing. wweeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Now we are talking about triathlons.

Ocho is hurt which is awesome for me since i’m going against him and I also have TO in another league.  Right now I need some points from Garrard.  He really has been feast or famine all year.

mmmmmmmmm…. deep fried hot dogs!!!!!!!

gamble and I want to plan a group trip out to Las Vegas. Who’s in???!?!?!?!?!

ok, honestly, the deep fried hot dogs aren’t that amazing.

Payton manning looks so pissed on the sideline even though they are up 10.  He’s the Tim Dunkin of the NFL.  I still don’t like the way the Bengals head coach looks confused constantly on the sideline after every god damn play.

WHoooo!!!! finally a garrard TD pass.

ILLLLLL Tyler Thigpen in for the Dolphins. man… what a terrible football name.  aaannnnnd his first is almost intercepted. oh well. I get another FG from Carpenter.

Holy shit Tyler just threw a TD pass. He’s soooo Pumped. Damn, they went for two with Ronnie brown and didn’t get it so no extra point points for carpenter plus no ronnie brown two point conversion points.  If I remember correctly Tyler Thigpen was the starter in KC before they brought in Casel, and Thigpen had taken over for… concusion guy, what’s his name, trent green, and when thigpen was in he did fairly well, and i was kind of surprised when they actually brought in Casel.   I think Thigpen has to be the starter next week.

Last four minutes of the morning games are getting exciting.  Jones for MIA got his first carrer sack and then first INT.  Bengals throw a TD then get an onside kick back.  Houston is driving with a tied game with 16 seconds left. Jets and Browns are in OT.  and now it looks like Houston and Jags are going to OT.  Chi town D is dominating the vikes.  Bengals just fumbeled… because they are the bengals.

Bridgette sexily pumped her fist as the colts recovered a fumble… sexily.

HOLY SHIT!!!!! Amazing play in Jacksonville. Garrard threw a bomb hail mary a houston defender knocked it down but it landed in the lap of a jags player. who walked in.

Morning games are over. Bridgette and her delicious looking muffin top is going to leave in a minute or two, as will gamble.

Shit the Rams are moving down the field on the niners fairly easily.  Looks like that week off really didn’t help.  Ok some well timed penalties helped hold the rams to a field goal.

Wow, and now we are talking about taking a whiz wile running.

And now the conversation has shifted to phone sex.

The browns jets game is going to end in a tie. Fuck Rex Ryan.. that’s the coach of the Jets right.  He is the type of guy you would love to have coaching your team but hate him when he’s an opposing coach in your division.

Bridgette just brushed aside her golden honey color hair as her lovely light blue eyes peered over at my laptop to see if I was writing about that AFuckingMazing play in the Jags game. OMG that was so money, mostly because I really needed some more points from Garrard.

Dang Gafney caught a TD pass instead of Brandon Lloyd.  Shit I hate Sanchez.  He’s not that good. He’s lucky and he only got that TD cause the defender fell down on the tackle.

Ok now I am at the bowling alley with Ray and Laura getting ready to prebowl since no one can make the regularly scheduled league night.  They have the giants game on and Eli Manning / Eor (from Winnie the Poo) just through a pick six from the cowboys 5 yard line. Nice job lesser Manning.

Ok, now I am back at home after bowling a 506 series, which for me is real good. Not amazing, but good especially considering how bad I’ve been bowling lately.

The Giants and Cowboys are making this into an interesting game.  People will probably start to over emphasis how much energy Dallas is playing with in this game and say that it is because of their new coach Jason Garrett, but honestly anytime a coach is fired, the team usually responds by playing harder.

ahhhhh john Kitna, the poor man’s Matt Hasselbeck.

Niners V Rams is kind of a good game too, especially since it looks like Troy Smith is actually able to throw a pass more than 7 yards down the field unlike Alex Smith.  Still, they are down 7 right now but still plenty of time left on the clock.  I also like that Seattle is beating up on Arizona since Rock’s cousin has zona’s D in fantasy this week. whooooo!!! fantasy.

God Damnit, I hate when they do the in game head shot of someone back in L.A.  This time it’s Jimmy Johnson just spouting out nothing interesting.  It’s not a news broadcast.  The person back in the Fox Studios are not providing any type of expert opinion that isn’t already being provided by the guys in the booth.

All of the announcers want to bang Bradshaw.

Niners kick a field goal and bring it to within 4 points.

I don’t understand why commentators complain about how deep a receiver runs his route on 3rd down.  If a play calls for a receiver to run a 5 yard hook, then he can’t choose on his own to run it as a  7 yard hook just cause it would get a first down since that’s not how he and the QB has practiced it, and doing that could lead to poorly timed passes and INTs.  Plus usually the shorter routes are run so that middle and deep routes can come open.  If everyone adjust their routes so that they would get a first down then it would bunch up the defenders around them in the secondary.

Wow, nice athletic catch by Boss, and he paid the price for it.  Of course if Hicks hadn’t dropped the previous pass, he wouldn’t have had to sacrifice himself like that.

How can you have a monster like Jacobs and not get a 4th and less than a yard conversion.  Terrible.  Also, I don’t care. Let’s google some hot football chicks…. ORRRRRRRRRRRRr…. how about hot muffin top chicks.

dfdss

It’s a power outage Pam Oliver not a hostage situation.  It’s not that scary, you don’t need to find someone and grab them and hold on to them.  That’s sad.

Ok so those are some examples of ok looking muffin tops, especially the one on the left.

There’s no chance that chick wasn’t either a stripper at one point in her life, or at least thought about doing it to pay for nursing school.

6 pounds of sugar in a 5 pound bag.

Holy shit, please stop talking to people who aren’t at the game, unless they actually have something interesting to talk about.

Boom.

WHOOOOOOO niners TD. Smith pass to Crabtree. They take a three point lead with a little over 2 min to play.

BTW did I explain what a muffin top is?  Well the cute and maybe kind of hot waitress at Aarogas was sporting a muffin top which can best be described by this pic.

BTW if you google image search the word Muffin Top, you also get this image which I don’t think is technically correct

Sadly I know that she is a victoria secret model who had a kid with some NBA player and still looks that hot and her name is Allesandra Amkjdflsjkdssomethingorother.

Well that’s a killer holding penalty.  Last week in my cut throat league I could have taken either Brandon LLoyd or Hakem Knicks and damn, either would have been awesome. I took Lloyd.

HOLY SHIT, what a terrible play by Eli Manning.  wow. That was awful.  It wasa a low snap that got away from him after the play clock was down to zero. it got pass Eli so instead of falling on it he tried to grab it as he’s being tackled and then just kind of tossed it wimply at a defensive player who recovered it.

That’s the difference between Eli and Payton. They both have huge upside and are excellent passers, but Eli will make boneheaded plays like that, while Payton would just take the sack.

Ok, thanks to the power of google I was able to find out that the model’s name is alessandra ambrosio and she is somewhat attractive when compared to the hottest women who have ever lived in the history of the world forever.

christ….

Jesus Christ!

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!

HAHAHAHHA nice kick cowboys kicker. Come on niners. Hold on for the win.

Shit Stephen Jackson down to the redzone with less than 50 seconds left. Got to hope for a Field Goal and a good effort in OT. aaannnnndddd we are going to overtime… unless the niners have an amazing kick return.

I don’t know if I blame Eli for that INT that much. IT was a good play by ball….. and now that I see it on replay, it wasn’t a pass he should have thrown.

I have 6 skill position players on my fantasy bench (TE, WR, RB) and they all have a bye or didn’t play cause of injury or just didn’t score any points.  So Having Jacoby Jones score 3 points is the best lineup I could have played.  I had to start David Gettis for Carolina, that’s how bad of a position I was in.  Right now I’m down by less than a point.  I have Stephen Jackson in Overtime and my oponent has Vernon Davis so I have to root against my fantasy team here in overtime.  I also have chris cooley monday night and he has Brandon Tate tonight.

Ok guys, lets see some bonus coverage of the niners V Rams

who cares about Jason Garrett and his first win, I’m down by .32 points and the Bradford was just sacked. Let’s go there. Yes, Pam Oliver is hot, but I want to see the niners. I hate this internet watching shit.

Ok niners, you have the ball back, just run it down the Ram’s throat with Gore and then kick an easy field goal and don’t give the ball to Vernon Davis please.

FUCK the cowboys. lets see another game that is still playing… ok here we go.

WOW I only saw one play and it makes me love Troy Smith. it wasn’t even a completion it was just a pass interference call.

OK, normally I don’t like when teams kick field goals on 2nd or 1st down in situations like this, but with the niners fumbling history I say this is a good move. Whooooooo!!!! awesome.  That over time couldn’t have been better for me… well maybe it’s possible but still I gained a few points on my fantasy opponent when jackson ran the ball and then Davis got no points as the niners won.

Time for some Simpsons before the evening game comes on.  I really need Brandon Tate to under perform.  Basically I just need Chris Cooley to perform a little better than him and I win.

Yes I am watching the Pats V Steerlers game but don’t feel like live blogging it.  Maybe I’ll write something else, like why Sundays are awesome.

NFL Football in the morning… more Football in the evening, plus Dexter, East Bound and Down, the Walking Dead, and Boardwalk Empire. (ok yeah east bound and Down had the last episode of this season last week, but I also didn’t mention Sunday night powerhouse mad men which wrapped up a couple weeks back)

Ok so at the half, brandon Tate really hasn’t done much of anything and only scored less than one point. Also at the half, those creepy Tiny Football League segments which, well it creeps me out.  i don’t like when people care that much about peewee football which is supposed to e all about having fun. I really can’t put my finger on why its creepy but it is, it really is.

Oh and remember when I said people would make to big a deal out of the cowboys win? bob Costas is now doing a little voice over segment on it which is almost as heartfelt as the stuff he does during the Olympics for athletes from third world countries who have to avoid literal land mines during training.

Star is sleeping on the couch beside me and she just farted loud enough that it woke her up and scared her to the point where she sprinted off the couch to hide from whatever was making the horrible sounding and smelling fart noise.

Stupid pass to brandon Tate. Shit, maybe I should have started Brady. ughhhhh I’m going to need a TD from Cooley tomorrow night probably. Wow, I really should have started Brady. Garrard did well but Brady is making him look like Garrard and playing like Brady.  Honestly, he deserves to bang the shit out of someone like Geisel.

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live blog smallville episode

Lately I’ve been reading ComicAlliances reviews of Smallville, so since it’s on right now I thought I would live blog my thoughts as the show goes down.

I actually thought the start of the episode was actually a twilight zone episode.

So Lois is broken up about a tape her dying mother made for her when she was in the hospital dying of cancer and Louis didn’t go to visit her for the five weeks she was in there before she died.  I never knew any of this, they just gave a shit ton of exposisiont in this scene.  So she is wondering if she should watch the tapes but is filled with shame and hopes her mom isn’t mad at her on the tapes, so like a good boyfriend super hero god, clark says “Well, I gotta go on patrol I guess, you know since i’m already awake….. oh unless you want me to stay, you know and talk about your emotions instead of actually saving peoples lives.”  Those weren’t his exact words but it’s pretty close.

Here’s all the things you could have done that would have been better than making her feel bad about having feelings:

  • Offer to watch the video with Lois
  • Maybe watch the video for Lois to make sure that there isn’t anything Lois shouldn’t see
  • Do anything other than just run away and make her feel bad about putting her feelings above other peoples lives

I don’t actually know who Tess Mercer is.  I guess she was a major player in the Superman universe, but I have no idea.

Clark just found the most obvious clue in the history of TV by pulling off a loose sticker.

Ok, I do know who Granny Goodness is, kind of.  She’s some kind of intergalactic God/Bad Guy who was a major Darkseid alli. (Darksied is probably Superman’s toughest opponent)  So Smallville is showing that she is some kind of evil old woman who runs an orphaneige.  I think a major complaint with Smallville from fans is that the basterdise a lot of the bad guys or other charachters and just ham fist them into the show even if they completly remake the character in an super shitty way.

Maybe you made the sun comming in through the windows a little too golden in the Kent house.  Maybe the Kent farm is a Gold farm and right outside the window is a pile of gold bricks that are reflecting literal golden light through the windows.

Wow, lois is watching the tape of her mother, and they got Terri Hatcher to play Lois’ mom, and she looks damn hot for someone who is dying of cancer.  Remember that Hatcher was Lois lane on Lois and Clark back in the 90’s.  Wait, who in thier right mind would they not let their children visit their dying mother.  Who makes that decision?    OMG all of Terri Hatcher’s video tape speech is all not so subtly instructions on how to handle being Superman’s wife.  If Lois wasn’t dating Superman, she’d probably watch this and think “What the fuck is my mom talking about, this is the most random advice I’ve ever heard…. what type of cancer did she have?”

Ok, we might be getting some superman fighting pretty soon. aaaannnnnddddddd he lost his powers.  again…. like he does in every episode… because it’s probably easier to film and CGI a depowered superman than one who actually has super powers and fights other super powered characters.

Ok, so Tess Mercer was as a child one of Granie Goodnesses orphans and that means something I guess since they put a lot of dramatic music behind that reveal.

This isn’t related to the show, but Michelle Wee is looking really good in her shitty minivan commercial.

Lois is talking with Kryptos the super dog… you know, Superman’s dog.. that has super powers. So Lois was able to find some special key that clark “Hid” in the kent family  barn.  Superman has amazing powers, yet when he hides something that is supposedly really important, he just tosses it behind a book case.  He doesn’t punch a hole in a mountain and bury it under a volcano. Nope, just puts it behind a half filled book case with no backing.

Ok, it is pretty obvious already that Granny Goodness in Smallville isn’t a God from outerspace but just some creepy old lady.  Oh wait, no, she does have some super powers, maybe she is a space god.  Ok Grannie has a bunch of hot 20 something chicks that have kryptonite weapons and are expert fighters, which I think the stable of hot fighting chicks was actually a part of the real granier goodness in the comic books.   BYW one of the hot fighting chicks has freddy kruger gloves.

How the hell did Lois get to antartica? I guess that’s what that key does.  I must say that her rooting through his stuff to find the key and then going to his fortress of solitude to confront the crystal generated computer program with the spirit of Superman’s biological Kryptonian father about his bad parenting skills, is kind of a major breech in privacy and trust.  I honestly am pretty confident that the last sentence is a fairly accurate rundown of what is happening in that scene.

I wonder if I knew more about the series or the Superman comic books in general and thereby knew more about Tess that i would be interested in learning more about her and her back story.  Wow, so there is kryptonite fire in front of clark which is making him so weak he can be gut and bleed…. and he uses his freeze breath to super cool a chain holding …. something over top of the flame so that the chain broke and the giant metal cover covers the flame so clark is no longer affected by the kryptonite…. you know the kryptonite that didn’t stop him from being able to user his freeze breath.  Smallville really does play fast and loose with how kryptonite affects Clark.  You almost get the idea that it wouldn’t affect him at all if he wasn’t such a pussy.

Ok Rocco called me during the scene where clark finds lois in the fortress of solitude and talks his dad out of, i don’t know, torturing lois????? so I kind of missed that scene.  I honestly don’t know what was going on but i’m sure it was just some kind of forced “emotional” dialog where they make lois and clarks respective parent issues painfully similar.

Granny goodness started chatting with some other dudes about Darkseid and I totally didn’t pay attention cause I thought it was another show starting.  I have no idea what Supernatural is aside from it being a show on WB that comes on after smallville and I really thought this scene was the start of the tonights episode.  Ok so I’m still not sure if Granny Goodness is or isn’t a space god… since I didn’t listen at all and the only thing I heard was some dude tell the Granny that she will pave the way or something.  I guess the hot chick fighters are like the foot soldiers leading the way for darkseid.  ughhhhhhh I bet that was a big scene. Guess I’ll be downloading tonights episode tomorrow so that my nerd curiosity can be quenched.

Wait, so Tess is Lex Luthor’s half sister?  Didn’t she have some kind of crush on Lex, or did they date?  Wow lots of half Incest storylines going on lately on TV.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA the previews for next weeks episode just showed green arrow and Aquqa Man being captured by the government, and while that could be cool, the announcer was just way over the top trying to make it sound cool that next week “AQUAMAN RETURNS!!!!”  It’s easy to mock Aquaman, and everyone does it, but in almost every incarnation, comic books, tv, movies, etc… he looks pathetic. I don’t think Smallville will be able to pull off the powerful badass tortured rulers of a hidden kingdom thing and will instead go the route of orange and green outfit guy who talks to fish and swims fast.

Tomorrow I will probably go back through and add some screen caps from this episode. Maybe. Probably not though.

The Nerdiest things I continue to do online.

There are a lot of nerdy/geeky things I do online.  There’s the occasional comic book download or the infrequent visit to a Star Wars Diorama site called nubnub.com, but by enlarge I use the internet on a daily basis for normal stuff like downloading TV shows, catching up on celebrity gossip, and watching youporn while continually beating off to the point of near exhaustion.  There are a few things on the internet that I follow regularly that does however bring shame to my soul.  Maybe none of these things is that nerdy if looked at in a vacuum, but added together it becomes the calling cards of a man who desperately wants to bang wonder woman and princess Leia in a Tron Light Bike bed.

I will try to start with the least nerdy and work my way up.

Smodcast

Actually I’m not sure if this is really the least nerdy thing if you really think about some of the stuff that is talked about on this podcast.  Kevin smith is the writer / director of clerks, chasing amy, Dogma, jay and silent bob strike back, …etc.  He and his long time best friend and producer Scott Mosier have a weekly podcast where they talk about anything they feel like talking about.  Occasionally they talk about pressing world events, or provide insight into the movie industry, but most of the time they talk about a combination of taking shits, jerking off, getting high, comic books, and embarrassing situations.  the largest block of time each week is spent going over hypothetical situations where the two role play how they would react if  _________.  Here are some examples of what they have role played before:

  • Scott Mosier is playing a bank robber who will kill everyone unless Kevin Smith sucks his dick
  • Kevin Smith runs into a very hostile lead singer from foreigner in the cereal isle
  • Scott Mosier has to meet with a dying kid through the make a wish foundation and the dying kid played by Smith wants a HJ
  • Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier try to get Aqua Man high
  • Armegedon has come and the US govt has asked Scott Mosier to fight Jesus using old timey boxing to save all those left behind

All of these are way funnier than they look when just typed out on a blog. http://smodcast.com/main.html

Trolling IMDB message boards

Ok, Trolling is a little harsh since most of the time I spend making posts is not in an effort to start a flame war.  I will readily admit however that some of my posts, particularly on the Treme board, have started almost heated arguments.   The amazing part about the Treme board is that you have both people who absolutely love it and other people who just despise it. Most other boards might have just one or the other depending on how good the show is, but you usually don’t get the same kind of mix.

Still, one of my favorite threads that I started was on the Sons of Anarchy imdb board where I posted a thread called “Things you love and hate about season 3”. Boom it’s already up to 4 pages of replies after a couple weeks.  The best part of the 4 pages of replies is that at one point two people started arguing about whether or not there is a god and if so why he lets bad things happen to good people.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1124373/board/thread/172911390?p=1

Forum post on Howitshouldhaveended.com

I post on this site way more often then I should for a site that only has an update about once a month.  Granted the idea of HISHE (creating better movie endings for famous movies) is fantastic and most of their shorts are hilarious, but the thing I love most about the forum is posting my ideas for funny movie endings.  I don’t remember most of the ones I posted but I do remember two:

  • Any James Bond Movie – James Bond is talking with a bad guy and when asked his name says “Bond, James Bond” BAM bad guy shoots him and looks at one of the other bad  guys and is like “Holy hell, I can’t believe that he just told us he was James Bond.” etc…
  • Stranger than Fiction – The writer lady types out the ending from the movie and then after a couple of dots writes “and then the author won the mega millions lottery” and next scene she’s rolling around in a pile of money.

http://www.howitshouldhaveended.com/forum

DC Comicbooks Online

Ok, this is really where the nerdy stuff kicks it up a notch.  DC comic books online is a new online role playing game where you create a superhero and play in an online DC comic books world with other people who have also created their own super heroes.  Basically it is a comic book version of world of warcraft.  Ok yes, all of this sounds nerdy, but…. it is really really really nerdy, and the nerdiest part is that I continue to check on the site every couple of weeks for updates dispute the fact that I know that it won’t be released till early next year.

Look this is basically the culmination of every kid who read comic books dream.  You create your own super hero and decide how he looks, what his powers are, who he fights, is he good or evil, blah blah blah.   I tried WoW once and hated it, and never really got into any other online games whether they were computer based or something on the PS3 like call of duty, but I could see getting into this.  Here is the game trailer, although, the thing that looks awesome is the cinematic trailer that gives that back story to the game. http://www.dcuniverseonline.com/en/movies.vm?movie=DCUO_e3trailer_2010&category=gametrailer

Smallville recaps on Comicalliance

This started because I learned that this is the last season of Smallville which is the teenage years of superman on the WB.  I wasn’t surprised that this is the last year, but I was surprised that it lasted ten fucking years.  I saw a few episodes in the first couple years and wasn’t really into it since, he wasn’t superman.  He was a whinny teenager going through super puberty and I just didn’t care.  Now 10 years later it looks like he’s actually fighting other super powered bad guys from the DC universe and there’s somewhat less teen angst and relationship drama.  I started watching the final season just to see if it’s gotten any better, and it did kind of.  Then I found these two guys on comicalliance.com, which surprise surprise is a comic book website, reviewing each episode from their point of view which is just like mine since they never watched the show during the first 9 seasons.

http://www.comicsalliance.com/2010/10/04/smallville-shield-recap-review/

My favorite ongoing discussion in their reviews has to be the fact that the woman who plays lois lane is constantly playing dress up in every episode.  like she has to dress up in some type of cosplay in every episode, and out of the first 6 episodes this season I think she’s played dressed up in 4 of those episodes.

hey, speaking of wanting to sleep with wonder woman!!!!!

NFL week 9 live blog.

This week we are going to go away from the hot chicks in jerseys and instead focus on some NFL Wags.  if you don’t know what a Wag is, it’ stands for Wives and Girlfriends. So this will all be picks of current of former wives or girlfriends of NFL stars of today or yesterday.  (yesterday in figurative terms).

For a second week in a row I really don’t care about any of the games, so I’ll just sit at home and watch whatever CBS and Fox tells me to watch. Morning will be Ravens v  dolphins and  bucks V Falcons. Afternoon is  Eagels V Indy and the night game is Pitt V Cinci.  The only games I have a rooting interest in, out side of fantasy scores, is Seattle V Giants and Ariz V Min since if those teams loose and continue to loose the niners might have a chance to make it to the playoffs.

Games should be starting in just over an hour… ughhhhhhh .. I can’t wait that long.

So to pass the time I just spent an hour researching and uploading pics of NFL WAGS.  I was able to remember most of these off the top of my head.  The one that i remembered first is Jennifer Walcott, who is married to Adam Archeletta the former Safety for the Rams and … some other team or two. God Damn She’s hot. Whooooooooooo Football.

Ok games are about to start and they show this montage of players and they have this close up of Philip River’s face and my god does he look like an asshole.  He may be one of the nicest human beings ever but… he’s not, there’s no way, look at him.  He has to be a cock in real life. It’s science.

So I’m watching the Ravens and while Kyle boller looks good right now, I can’t believe that people were so dead set on him being one of the top 5 QBs this year.  BTW great run and catch bywillis mghee.  Also I don’t know why I said Kyle Booler and not Joe Flaco but who cares.  The only reason i’m watching this game is in hopes that Todd Heap gets me some fantasy points in my one league.    What sucks is that I have a ton of players playing right now but only ronnie brown and Dan carpenter are playing on TV for me right now. so far it looks like Brown is off to a good start.  So good he might lead them down close to the goal line and then ricky williams will run in the TD. We’ll see.  Let’s see one last pic of Walcott.

I also have to admit that i’m rooting for the lions against the jets for two reasons.  Stafford is on Devon’s fantasy team and he kind of sucks at fantasy so it would be nice to see him do well.  Also I hated how much everyone rode the Jets in the Preseason despite them not really being that great last season.  I think Dan Deirdorf just came because Hennes last pass was so good.  Speaking of cumming, I just watched Ronnie Brown score on a 10 yard TD run.   To celebrate my good fortune, lets look at some pics of another NFL Playmate wife.  This is Carmella Descasera (I don’t know how to spell her last name) but basically she’s Jeff Garcia’s wife.

Hot chicks with cowboy hats equal hottest chicks possible.

How is Derek Mason old but also still money but Husmanzada slightly younger and terrible now. Whatever, here’s more hotness as John Harbaugh challeneges something that will totally not be changed.

That commercial with the baby flying around the western country side is starting to creepy me out mostly because of the old timey song they play. “You’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates, I’ve got a brand new key”  the fuck does that mean.  I’m guessing it makes sense back in the 40s or 50s, but i don’t understand it at all.  I’m guessing the one guy has roller skates which are a big fucking deal in their town in that decade, and the chick has a key of cocaine. So they are going to take turns getting coked out of their mind and rolling around on their sweet ass skates.

speaking of commercials, they just showed a kick ass one where Kobe Bryant and Jimmy Kimmel are playing a real life call of duty. money.  btw, Holy shit are the ravens shooting themselves in the foot after a great interception and return.

Holy shit, did they not just shoot them selves in the foot, they then  dipped the wound in a sewer and forgot to clean it or use antibiotics to heal it.  wow.  INT return down to the 5 yard line, then a terrible sack, a delay of game, almost a seoncd delay of game before you call a time out with half a second on play clock, a three man result results in basically another sack, and then you fumble the snap on the field goal attempt resulting in no points.  Terrible.  Lets look at something that is the opposite of terrible.

Tim Couche’s wife and the last of the NFL playmates for today: Heather Kozar

She’s no relation to Bernie.

There’s nothing i like seeing more in the world than an in game highlight that shows Jeremey Shockey rolling around on the ground in pain.  Ok honestly I like seeing Heather Kozar way more.

My god, does the ravens have a ton of talent on offense.  Granted some of the players you’d probably like to have as a year or three younger.  Donte Stallworth, Housmanzada, McGhee, Heap, Boldin, Clayton, Rice, McClain, … maybe flacco,

Come one MIA you have three mintues before the end of the first half to get me some Ronnie Brown or Dan Carpenter supplied points. Hey maybe both.

It is hard as hell to find pics of this chick where she isn’t crazy naked… which is good since she looks crazy good when naked.  Or did, she and Couch had a kid so i’m sure she’s all disgusting looking now when naked.

Anytime I see a white receiver try to jump over a defender and thereby just stupidly risking serious harm for very little gain, I can’t help but think of the green lantern Wayne Chrebet.

So a commercial for American Idol showed Carrie underwood which could be listed on this list since she spent some time with Tony Romo….. but her tits are small, so instead I present to you Jessica Simpson.

I know I should be paying attention to the games and not the commercials but why did Citizen actually pay money to have Eli Manning endorse their watches.  Did they pay him? My guess is some Ad exec was like, I want manning. And then some underling had no idea who that was so the Ad Exec was like “the Quarter back??1/?!?  you know, the one in the NFL?!?!??!”  and the supid assistant signed Eli by mistake.

Boom points by carpenter.  Holy shit, Roscoe Parish got a TD just now too.  I only have him in cause i’m out of options.  My shit players are comming through today what with howling running back a 96 yard kick return for a TD and ronnie brown also getting a TD. Nice.   Speaking of NICE!!!!

Nope we need a bigger pic of that awesomeness.

That’s better.

Ok so at the half I’ve paid more attention to hot chicks and commercials than any of the games, but luckily I am winning most of my fantasy matuchups right now, although there is still a lot of time left.  Un-luckily I had to hear Shannon Sharp do halftime highlights.  Listen he’s not bad if he’s not rushed like he is during halftime.  Just let other people do it.  Also I hate mark Sanchez now.  Even when he plays bad, his team gets lucky which is what looks like is happening in their game. Pulls there is a rumor he is hooking up with Jaimie Lynn Seigler… who I didn’t dowload pics of cause it’s just a rumor and I already have too many other pics on here.

Ok so who do you want to see now?  I know I said there wasn’t anymore playmates but there is a chick who was in playboy… wait two more and one of them has a porn tape… wait no, both of them do. Whatever, here you go.

ok enough halloween hotness lets look at some bikini pics as ray rice catches 45 passes on this drive for something like a billion yards.

If you google Kim Kardashian with the word bikini added in you will see that there are a thousand pictures like these where she’s awesomely walking out of the ocean.  You know what else is awesome, Ronnie Brown… well at least today he is.   Awesome might be over stating it, but compared to the last 6 or so weeks, he is playing awesome.  Ok one last bit of Kardashian Awesomness.

These morning games are still boring me.  I wish I could watch DET as it gets the lead back from the over rated jetz just moments ago, or maybe watch the pats and browns to find out why the pats are sucking ass so bad. Arizona is beating Minn right now, i’m guessing because Childress is god damn terrible.  I bet if you combined Mike Singeltarys energy and motivation and likeability with childresse’s knowledge and skill, you might have a poor man’s Bill Cower.  That’s who I hope becomes the next niners coach by the way.

Damn Ray Rice is catching everything right now. almost 100 yards receiving.

Ok from one “celeb” with a sex tape to another “celeb” with a sex tape we have Kendra Wilkinson.  WOW Did shawn Smith blow a pick six. ok back to hotness.. hot hot white trash hotness.

Hey look it’s even more football themed.

God Damn she looks stupid.

wet boobs are the best type of boobs.  Ok, I’m doing ok in fantasy but i could definitely use some more points before I start to feel comfortable.

I’m trying to think about what else I can talk about since I really don’t care about what’s happening in the games… lets be honest though, it’s all just pretense for posting pics of hot NFL wags like Bridgette Mohnahan, or whatever Tom Brady’s ex’s name was/is.

Ok all of these bull shit penalties for leading with the helmet is .. um.. bullshit.  Don’t get me wrong, sometimes they are legitimate, but most of these are bull shit.  At some point a defensive player is going to get hurt trying to tackle someone while magically making their head/helmet not touch any part of the offensive player.  The hit on Favre last week was completely legal but that dude got fined something like a gazillion dollars.

Ok in the last several minutes of any game the games usually get good, and that was doubly true as Shaub who i’m going against in fantasy threw a pick that could have been a catch by johnson down close to the 10 yard line. potentially it is something like a 12 point swing if u assume he would have thrown a TD pass soon afterwards if Johnson had caught it.

Speaking of more awesomeness Brett favre just through a TD pass to tie it up with 27 seconds left against arizona who I really want to loose.  Exciting.  annnnnddddd sanchez just ran in a TD… eventhough he probably didn’t get in at all.  Still DET is still up by three with a little over two minutes to play and they will have the ball.  Overtime In Minnesota HA.. HA HAAAAAA.

Ok enough of Brady’s baby moma, lets take a look at Brady’s other baby moma Giesel.

Peterson is awesome.  Vikes should be better this year, but I blame….. i don’t know, lets say Favre and his old penis.  Btw, did Geisel have a kid? I don’t know, she’s hot.  OMG Berrian actually caught a pass and didnt let it just go ricocheting off his hands.

Ok so Arizona lost which is good for me.  Sanchez got lucky in so far as that the lions had no idea what to do with the lead with less than two and a half minutes to go and now they are going into overtime.

STOP SHOWING COMMERCIALS FOR SKYLINE.  everytime they show a preview revealing a few more scenes and more information about the movie it just makes it worse.  This is toatally a less is more type of movie.  Just make it mysterious to get people into the theater and then count your money and feel bad for the people who actually went to see it.

God Damnit sanchez, The lions D is just exhausted so any catch has huge YAC possibilites which is why Folk is about to kick the game winning FG.  annnnnnd it’s good.  I kind of hate Rex Ryan too. Actually I hate a lot of things.  Ok let’s focus on something I don’t hate like T.O…………’s girlfriend (seriously, I still hate T.O)

whooooooooo Black Chicks. Ok now i’m watching the eagles V Colts which features a bunch of my fantasy guys… most of which are hurt, but I still need Garcon to do well.  It also features the Colts old uniforms which are very uninspired.  Ok let’s see some more ebony hotness.

blah blah blah football blah blah passing blah blah blah  BLACK CHICKS!!!!

She kind of looks like Gabrielle Union there… ughhhhh yet another semi racist statement about the resemblence of black women on my blog. damnit…. ok more black hotness.

Wow the eagels are taking the colts to the woodshead in the first quarter here. 10 points already and now they are on the goal line kicking a field goal.  speaking of… ummm. wood… BLACK CHICKS!!! whooooo!!!

Ok, good catch and run by Garcon on that last play, lets see if they can get a first down and keep this drive going. Wow, brown barely got it but he got there with some patient running. Commercial time. Ok lets take a look at something different, enough with hot black chicks lets check out a hot QB wife.

BOOM who also happens to be black. Sadly none of the pictures of her really do her justice.  Wow the Giants are beating the shit out of Seattle early in their game. NFC is tearing up today… so far.

Does anyone else think that the Etrade baby probably has an internet trading addiction.  Wow baby you spend all day trading stocks, how much money are you making??? what’s that… no money, cause you are so addicted to making trades that you don’t even care if they are good trades, it’s all about the rush?  you need rehab baby.  Come on Colts. Time for a TD to Garcon.  I bet Reid looses this challenege. In the mean time lets switch to another crazy hot NFL WAG…. in fact lets switch to the hottest of them all.

Angie Harmon, Fuck Jason Seahorn and his aweome life. I would cry after having sex with Angie Harmon every god damn time.  no matter how use I would get to banging her, I still wouldn’t feel worthy and would feel like it was a dishonor for me to touch her awesome awesome naked body.

No, no i’m not paying attention to the game since I know that from the one, there’s no way garcon is going to get the catch.  aaannndd he didnt’, but he did throw a great block. soooo no points but he should feel good about himself. speaking of feeling good, let’s see some more AH Hotness.

Not sure why the color on that photo is off, but who cares, she’s hot. She was also naked in one movie in case you are wondering. you can’t see a lot but, it’s still totally wank worthy since it’s her.

wait what’s going on? football?  oh yeah. ughhhh the eagels are kind of owning the colts but they need to punch it into the endzone cause they don’t want to be trading Field Goals for TDs against the colts in a shoot out. Although for me that would be crazy awesome since a bunch of passing TDs by the colts probably means Garcon gets at least one or maybe Austin Collie.

Damn Collie just took a shot from three eagels defenders and I’m wondering if the flag would have been thrown if he hasn’t been hurt on the play.  It didn’t look like he was defenseless first of all.  Ok now watching it again, it is bullshit.  If any of the Eagels get fined for that, ummm I’ll bitch to myself about it.

Well this injury kind of killed the mood all the hot chicks had set.  Especially the last 45 seconds of silence from both the crowd and commentators… seriously someone say something this is getting unerving. ok, now it’s almost been a minute and a half.  Ok one scentence. ummmmm show a promo or something…. ok i’m going to go take a dump. I might log back in for the evening games.

later

Updated picks and results from last week

11/7 1:00 ET Chicago -3 At Buffalo
(Toronto)
41.5
11/7 1:00 ET San Diego -3 At Houston 50
11/7 1:00 ET New Orleans -6.5 At Carolina 40.5
11/7 1:00 ET At Minnesota -7.5 Arizona 42
11/7 1:00 ET At Atlanta -9.5 Tampa Bay 45
11/7 1:00 ET NY Jets -5.5 At Detroit 42
11/7 1:00 ET At Baltimore -5.5 Miami 41
11/7 1:00 ET New England -4 At Cleveland 43.5
11/7 4:05 ET NY Giants -7.5 At Seattle 40.5
11/7 4:15 ET At Oakland PK Kansas City 40.5
11/7 4:15 ET At Philadelphia -3 Indianapolis 47
11/7 8:20 ET At Green Bay -7 Dallas 45.5

 

Monday Night Football Line

11/8 8:35 ET Pittsburgh -5 At Cincinnati 41

Last week my picks went 7-5 which is ok for me, although my money picks broke even which basically would men I would have lost money once you factor in the vig.  Lets see how the underdogs did: 5-7 … boooooooooo.  oh well the overall record for me is now … i don’t know, it’s not that good,  the under dog system is 66 – 40 – 5.  On bodog you only get 63 cents on the dollar for winning bets so in this system if I had bet a dollar on every game I would have bet a total of 104, (ignoring the ties) lost forty dollars and won 41.58.  So I would need to find a place with better odds for the person placing the bet.

Favorite things I’ve learned from Cracked.com

Before I start listing things, I should probably note that any time you learn anything new you should probably take it with a grain of salt and seek some type of confirmation.  Most of what cracked says in their articles is accurate to a high degree, but some of it is only partially accurate but either crazy hilarious or crazy awesome when devoid of context.  Any ways, let’s start the list:

btw these are in no particular order.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18718_6-famous-unsolved-mysteries-that-have-totally-been-solved.html

Amelia Earhart’s mystery was solved back in the day since they actually found her body on an island with some plane wreckage.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18385_7-bullshit-police-myths-everyone-believes-thanks-to-movies.html

I already knew that undercover cops do not have to identify themselves as being undercover and that it is just something writers put into movies to add a moment of suspense and conflict. (although a nice side effect is that many criminals don’t know this and totally tell undercover cops all kinds of illegal things after being told that they totally aren’t police)  What I didn’t know was that most people when arrested aren’t read their Miranda rights since it only applies to when someone is being interrogated.  In fact after I did some more research, if you are arrested and just start yelling out incrimidating stuff, that can totally be used against you even if those rights weren’t read to you since you weren’t being interrogated. Also… the whole one phone call thing is also bullshit.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18487_6-ridiculous-history-myths-you-probably-think-are-true_p2.html

I already knew that the Wild Wild West in reality had very little in the way of gun fights, but I was surprised to learn that the reaction to the original War of the Worlds broadcast was actually benign by almost all accounts and that the stories of terrified listeners thinking there really was an alien invasion were just made up to hype the broadcast.

http://www.cracked.com/article_16625_8-classic-movies-that-got-away-with-gaping-plot-holes.html

For all the times I watched Empire Strikes Back, I never noticed that there is a huge descrepency in how much time would have needed to take place in the asteroid field where Han and Leia were hiding from the Empire, while Luke got his Jedi training on Degobah.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18389_the-5-most-widely-believed-wwii-facts-that-are-bullshit.html

History is way too complicated since most signifigant events both large and small are created by an oustoundingly large number of variables, all of which were viewed and acted apon by a vastly diverse group of people with staggeringly different viewpoints.  That’s why I like to keep things simple like Nazis are bad and Winston Churchill was awesome.  Then I read the section labeled: Winston Churchill Was the Universally Beloved Leader of the Good Guys.  In summation he was like George W Bush.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18386_7-mind-blowing-easter-eggs-hidden-in-famous-works-art.html#ixzz14RxFpDrh

This article has a ton of stuff I loved to learn, but my favorite is the easter egg that we are all viewing the statue of david from the wrong angel, and that if you view it from above it is…. you know what just read the quote from cracked:

When viewed from a high angle–the view Michelangelo would have had as he chiseled away in his workshop–David has a stressed look on his face that’s invisible from the ground level.


“Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap.”

He isn’t just simply striking a pose; David is facing his opponent Goliath, the Jew-baiting GIANT. Researchers made a computerized scan of the sculpture as part of their study, and found that every minute, anatomical detail shows a guy scared out of his mind, but ready to pounce like a naked-assed Tyler Durden.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18576_5-ridiculous-gun-myths-everyone-believes-thanks-to-movies.html

The first entry on this list should be filed under that grain of salt warning I put at the top… wait did I say grain of salt or use some other wording… whatever.  The first entry mentions that adding a silencer to a gun does not in fact make it silent.  It’s actually not called a silencer but a compressor.  It will dramatically change the sound a gun makes so that it is harder to tell where it is being fired from, but it is still loud as hell.  The only issue i have is that this is all true, if you are using normal bullets. If you are using sub sonic rounds (designed to travel at sub sonic speeds) the compressor does make it virtually silent.  It should be noted that many calibers like a 45 (I think, I don’t care to look it up again) are incapable of traveling at sub sonic speeds and therefore there are no subsonic rounds available and therefore adding a compressor to a 45 will result in slightly less loud gun fire.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18606_8-historic-symbols-that-mean-opposite-what-you-think.html

I like the entry this article contains on Thomas Paine since it ridicules Glen Beck for only focusing on Paine’s most famous work, Common Sense, and ignoring some of his other works that actually promoted shared wealth….. Fuck Glen Beck.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18627_6-things-from-history-everyone-pictures-incorrectly.html

Two things in this article were cool for me to read. 1. The Pyramids Were Smooth, White and Shiny 2. Greek Statues Were Brightly Painted and Kind of Stupid Looking

http://www.cracked.com/article_18500_the-5-most-famous-musicians-who-are-thieving-bastards.html

Led Zepplin basically stole their entire first album

http://www.cracked.com/article_18381_the-5-creepiest-unexplained-broadcasts_p2.html

Just about all of these are creepy as fuck in one way or another, but the Wow signal kind of takes it to another level since if you look into… and by that I mean google it and read some internet postings you’ll see that the general consensous by crackpots is that some alien life forms sent us a signal that originated outside out solar system, where as well respected, clear minded, logical, rational scientists believe that we received a signal that originated from outside our solar system…. and it wasn’t natural…. and yep, was probably aliens.

Even Stephen Hawkings has talked about this: http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/stephen-hawkings-universe-the-wow-signal.html

http://www.cracked.com/article_18787_6-books-everyone-including-your-english-teacher-got-wrong.html

Machiavellian’s the Prince was completely sarcastic and that he totally was against everything his name has now come to symbolize.

http://www.cracked.com/article_17019_p2.html

There are some other things I can remember off the top of my head but I think my favorite is the two most badasses in military history: Audie Murphy, and the White Death.  Ok, Audie Murphy probably had a more bad ass all around life since after the military stuff he played himself in the movie about himself that he purposefully wrote to be less bad ass that what happened in real life so that it would be more believable. But the White Death has a way cooler name and survived getting shot in the face and having bombs dropped on him.  Also the white death was the only personal I’ve ever read about where an apposing army became concerned with killing just one person.

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The Next Batman Movie

I happened to notice a side story about the next batman movie while on CNN that said…. ok fine… I’m not going to start this with a lie. I was on a website called ComicAlliance.com and I was reading a recap of the most recent Smallville episode when I noticed a related story headline that said that the next batman villian would not be the Riddler.  I am ashamed of almost every word in that last sentence.

Since I’m a HUGE nerd, (although not compared to most people at Comicon) I wanted to try and guess who the vilian will be and also, what I would write as a story line if I was making the movie… you know in some reality where no one really cares about movies and just lets random people write huge franchise movies despite a total lack of experience or skill.

First step in deciding who the Batman villian is going to be in Nolan’s movie, we should probably start with a list of most of Batman’s well known villians.  Joker, Penguin, Riddler, Cat Woman, Bane, Scarecrow, Clayface, Deadshot, Harley Quinn, Mr Freeze, Killer Croc, Poison Ivy, Ra’s Al Goul, and Two Face.

There are still more villians obviously, but these are the most well known by the general public, although a couple like clayface and deadshot are probably unknown to anyone who didn’t either watch Batman on TV in some form or another or actually read the comics themselves.

Next step, elliminate the villians that would be impossible or impracticle.  First of all you can’t use the joker since Heath Ledger died and it would be insulting to try and replace him with someone else.  Scarecrow was the main bad guy in the first movie and a minor one in the second movie so it would be doubtfull that they use him as the main bad guy this time around.  Same could be said for Ra’s Al Goul especially since he kind of was supposed to die in the first movie…. or did he?????    Let’s ignore that possibility for now.

We can eliminate the Riddler since he’s already said no to using him, and I think it might be a safe bet to eliminate some of the more unrealistic villians like Killer Croc and Mr Freeze who wouldn’t be believable with the structure and realistic theme of the first two movies. Poison Ivy and Clay face could also fall under these catagories, and Harley Quinn wouldn’t make sense as the main bad guy since she is in love with the Joker, and would mean you would have to bring the Joker back as well.

So now we are down to the Penguin, Catwoman, Bane, Deadshot, and two face… oh wait, no two face died in the last movie, or at the very least he was supposed to look like he died.

Honestly, the Penguin’s whole penguin/bird thing is stupid and i’m sure wouldn’t be in the movie if he was used.  Catwoman is a master thief and really that kind of seems like something batman wouldn’t care about when compared to trying to take down the mob or a terrorist like the joker. Plus Catwoman is fairly sympathetic in terms of a bad guy and isn’t that often portrayed as a reverse mirror image of the good stuff batman is trying to do.  basically Catwoman as a bad guy wouldn’t be that compelling although it would have the possibility of adding in a whole love interest thing.

So then we have Deadshot who is just a really good assassin and Bane who was done no justice in that Batman and Robin movie that the made him look cartoonish in.  Ok, yeah he is kind of cartonish in the comic books since.. it’s not real pictures and just a drawings, but you know what I mean. Anyways, my guess is that Nolan is going for Bane for the main bad guy and then someone else as a supporting bad guy.

Here are some choice quotes from Bane’s Wikipedia page that should give you some quick back story on Bane and why he’s kind of badass.

Bane has been one of Batman‘s most intelligent and physically powerful foes. He is best known for breaking Batman’s back in the “Knightfall” story arc.

IGN‘s list of the Top 100 Comic Book Villains of All Time ranked Bane as #34

Oh fuck it, i’m not going to read the entire Wiki entry, I’m just going to pust what IGN wrote when they listed him at 34.

His plan to break the Bat was methodical, and worst of all, patient. Bane realized something his fellow Rogues did not: A full frontal assault against Batman is futile. Instead, Bane takes the long way around to weakening the Bat, by breaking down Arkham’s walls, letting its prisoners infect Gothamn once again and leave Batman on an exhausting three-month mission to lock them back up. During that time — and here’s where “being patient” comes in — Bane manages to find the Batcave and wait there to administer the final blow, whose impact still echoes today.

huh!?! pretty cool right?

So I’m guessing that Bane releases a bunch of criminals, maybe some of the minor ones that no one except comic book nerds know, but make them seem just like regular world gangster/bad guys.  Like make dead shot a mob assassin and clayface a make up artist/actor turned criminal, and killer croc a side show freak turned killer.

So if Batman gets his back broken that would be a hell of a cliff hanger before a second movie that resolves it, but I don’t think that is the plan.  So maybe bane doesn’t break his back, but just have him push batman to the limit and blah blah blah.

Another reason I think Bane is likely to be the bad guy is because Tom Hardy from Bronson and Inception is supposed to be in the movie.

Ok so what would my storyline be?

I thought that with the way the last movie ended, you could start out with a major manhunt going down where the city officials as well as some wealthy business owners like… the penguin?… the black mask?… I don’t know, anyways so there’s a reward out for batman and deadshot is going after him using bad tactics like staging bad guy stuff to draw the bat man, but obviously batman is money and doesn’t fall for it.

Um so then Bane gets hired to find Batman and does some of the stuff from the back breaking thing by releasing bad guys and that tires the batman out.  All this goes on as the Riddler tracks down who batman is cause you know, the riddler loves riddels or something, and bane follows the riddler to batman’s cave… actually, I guess you really either don’t need the riddler or dead shot.  You either put riddler in it but make bane not as intellegent, or you take out the riddler and put bane in as smart as he was in the comics.

My thing is, if Johnny Depp says yes to playing the riddler than you have to do it, but you have to make the riddler the major guy, maybe make him a part of the third act where in the first and second act you have batman over come the shitty bad guys and then bane but in the process he has to humiliate the riddler which leads to a riddle inspired final showdown between the two. Christ I don’t know.  Let me think about this for a minute or two while I watch the SNL women’s special.