NFL Week 8 live blog

Holy shit, I never knew that God Save the queen has the same melody as America the Beautiful.  I wonder if Canada or Indian or any other former colony uses that melody for one of their patriotic songs.  I wonder if the reason we stole that melody is kind of like how some people say it’s ok for black people to use the N word because it’s like they are taking the power away from the word.

Good opening drive by the Bengals btw. Good interception by that Redskins DB.  God I really don’t care about either of these games.  Granted I have Cooley and Ronnie Brown so both games are important to me, but honestly I don’t care.  So Instead of really focusing on these games I’m just going to post a bunch of pics of Hot chicks in Football Jerseys.

Tony Sporano looks like a football coach, just not a Pro coach.  More like a High School football coach.  I can just picture him trying to tell some 17 year old kid that “The next 60 minutes are the next 60  years of your life!”

Damnit, Cooley just dropped a pass, oh well there was a penalty so it wouldn’t have counted, oh the penalty was on him.  Damn you, get me points.  the play by play guy for the redskins sounds more sarcastic than any human i’ve ever heard who wasn’t actually being sarcastic.  Bam, catch by cooley. good.   He also has a hot wife so …. great for him.

Skyline looks like a terrible movie.  It’s basically just transformers + War of the Worlds + Terminator 4 + no name actors.  I can only imagine that the movie was made because one of the studios looked around and realized they had a ton of left over CGI from movies that ran long and had to cut scenes.

Niners have an early lead…. it won’t last.

Hey Ronnie Brown missed a catch.  Sweet another Dan Carpenter FG.  I forgot I had him this week.  Two early field goals is giving me a fantasy semi right now.  Speaking of increased penile blood flow… TIME FOR MORE HOT CHICKS IN JERSEYS!!!!!

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Shit, I just realized that there’s no real way to insert two different wordpress pic galleries.  So I guess no more hot chicks in this blog post.  Damn Cedric Benson is getting no love from the Cinci O line this year.

I can’t believe I have to start David Gettis the 2nd or 3rd string St. Louis reciever, because all my other WRs are either hurt or on a bye.  Thank god the guy i’m playing in fantasy is starting a couple of guys who have a bye…. which is bush league but whatever. I’ll take cheap wins. I’m not proud.

BTW I lied about no more hot chicks… WHOOOOOO!!!!!! I don’t care about these games at all!!!!!!!!

Wait, why the hell don’t I have ronnie brown starting today?  I have LaRod Stephanies-howlings playing in my flex position instead.  Ronnie hasn’t done anything amazing yet but still, he’s doing fairly well so far.

I kind of feel bad at how wasted T.O’s time in Buffalo was spent.  Having him play with Ochocinco really does show you that Chad really isn’t that amazing.  He’s good but not great.

Awesome. Another carpenter Field Goal. Whoooooo!!!! Fantasy Football.  To Celebrate, more hot chicks with a football theme.

Speaking of T.O, the link says that she is his girlfriend.

Ok redskins are in redzone I think and I think it’s time for some TE TD Love.  Wow there’s less than 4 minutes left in all of the morning games and of the 7 games theres a total of 71 points which is ten points per game or 5 points per team this half. Terrible.  But… it looks like Carpenter might get another FG try at the end of the half. aaaannnndndddddd….. BOOM he nails a 54 yard field goal. that’s 4 FG in the first half. Awesome pick up this week for me.

God Damn, there should be a law against letting Shannon Sharp do the half time quick game recaps.  He isn’t that bad during pregame, but when he is rushed he just chews his words and it is so irritating. I can’t believe that the niners only have one win and that the Rams have 3.  To be fair, Sam Bradford does look good so far…. speaking of looking good:


I haven’t watched it yet, but The Defenders looks TERRIBLE. My god it looks like a peice of shit tv show. Just cliches left and right and cheesy humor.  I really do like this NFL Jersey commercial featuring all the different Nawlans Brees jerseys….. speaking of liking NFL Jerseys ….

whoops. wrong one

How come hot chicks always rock the chargers retro jerseys and never the current ones?

ILLLLLLL I just made a great play for the Cinci Special Teams. oh come one, don’t review it. Oh it’s just a time out. I think I should get fantasy points any time a player with my name does well.  That would probably be way more awesome if my first name was Chris however.  Speaking of awesome things.

Hawaii Five Oh really looks like it contains all the elements I would love in a TV show. Crime, Hot chicks, Scott Cahn, Hot Asian chicks.  It’s like a more serious baywatch…. ok not really.  Damn, TO is having a really good year isn’t he.  Speaking of playing well, David Garrard has his third TD today. I started Roesthlisberger today instead of Garrard or Brady.  I wasn’t sure about Garrard since i’ts his first game back from a concussion, and I didn’t like Brady against Minnesota’s D especially since Moss is probably telling everyone how to read the Pats O.  How come Roesthlisburger isn’t in spell check.  HAHAHAHAH one of the Bengal’s players is named Frosty Rucker. Awesome name.

DAMN IT. I don’t mind the Broncos winning but don’t let Tim Tebow be the one to beat us. aaaaannnnndddddd Joe Nedney misses a 52 yarder by hitting the upright.  DAMN, I really should have started Garrard since he just threw his fourth TD.  Frank Gore is responsible for 127 percent of the niners offense.  Nice another Field Goal for Carpenter bringing his total to 5 on the day.  To celebrate, lets see another hot football related pic.

Damn that’s a good look.  Holy Hell check out this link

That is why America is awesome.  Oh wait, here is another awesome site showing why America is awesome:

My god… I just don’t care about these morning games.

This has nothing to do with anything, but has anyone been watching “The Event”.  Twice now they have used the Dr Manhattan sound affect from Watchmen.  It’s painfully obvious too.  Oh, and they aren’t Aliens. They are from the future. I could have told you that after the second episode.  The shows gotten better, but it’s still nothing special. ugghhhhhh morning games still going on.  The sad thing is that most of these games are close games, but … meh.

I hate the way Marvin Lewis has almost no emotion whenever they show him on the sideline.  It looks like he is deep in thought about something way more important than football.  Here are the things I think he’s thinking about:

  • Moral implications of trying to colonize Mars knowing that any astronauts sent there would not be able to ever return home.
  • String Theory
  • Would a Fusion generator violate the law of conservation of mass
  • Is it logical to re-evaluate the constitutional amendments to make them relevant and appropriate for todays modern society.
  • Is there a sexy picture in existence that includes Jenny McCarthy, Adrian Curry, and Amber Smith

I have no idea who the chick in yellow is, and yes I am kind of sad and proud that I knew the other three without looking them up.

DAMN redskins, why couldn’t you throw a TD to cooley instead of running it inside the 5 yard line.

OMG Levi’s Jeans commercials make no god damn sense.  Who the hell looks at them and even for a moment thinks about buying jeans.  What the hell, does Seth McFarlen have another show coming out?  I hope that guy is making tons of coin and just tagging tons of hot ass.

BTW, niners are back on top and about to pad their lead. nice. Good job gore.

WAIT.. wait wait wait wait.  Are there two QBs on the Bengals named Palmer?  I’m looking it up now and his name is Jordan Palmer, is he Carson’s brother?  Dude he has to be, he looks just like him.  Yep he is. Thank you wikipedia.

Holy shit, a fifth TD by Garrard. Nice.  I have him starting in another league so that’s awesome.

Some of these games are good games, but once again, I just don’t care.  Wow the Greg Williams quote on London Fletcher they just showed was one of the most glowing things I’ve ever read.  I bet Greg banged London.

I hate watching the Lions and being a big Kevin Smith fan.  I’m a fan of the director Kevin Smith, you know the clerks guy.  So every time they say his name during the game i’m like “What the F.. ohh, ok.”  Come on Lions. I need you to score so that Donovan has to throw some passes, hopefully to Chris Cooley.  Calvin Johnson is a stud.

I think this is going to be another week where the under dogs perform well and add to the whole underdog betting system I am tracking this year.  Well it’s been a while so here’s another hot football pic.

Ok niners were able to hold off Denver.  Troy Smith did well. 12 of 19 for 196 and a TD. Most importantly, no interceptions. DAMN, my fantasy opponent just updated his roster and took out all the players on a bye.  that sucks for me.

What The Fuck. Rex Grosseman is going in down by 6 with a minute fifty left to play and Donovan doesn’t look like he’s hurt.  Holy shit, that’s a terrible decision.  Look, if your backup was still Mark Brunell, then ok, maybe, but Rex Grosseman is god damn terrible.

HAHAAHAHAHHAHAH first play he Grossmans the shit out of the play.  He fumbels and it’s returned for a TD.  Ok, maybe that wasn’t all Rex’s fault, but you know that when the lions saw him go under center, they were drooling at the chance to force a turnover.

Ewwwwwww the pats have their throwbacks on.  God those really were ugly.  I love when the niners have their throwbacks cause they always make a big deal out of noting it cause otherwise  no one would ever notice it.

Jamal Charles is killing me in the one fantasy league.  That game going to over time didn’t help since my opponent had three guys in that game.

Oh, just like Skyline is a shitty combination of other movies, that new train movie also looks just like a combination of several other movies…. how did they not over turn that challenge. ok, the movie is called unstopable and it is training day plus phelam 123, maybe a little bit of Speed mixed in.

Holy shit, Brad Childres is the worst I’ve ever seen when it comes to challenging plays.  There’s no doubt that is a catch.

COMEON yeah it’s a good play and good TD but why can’t Tom Brady throw a TD pass instead.  I need the points. Horse Shit.

I hate to admit it, but Favre is playing mch better than I thought he would with that bad ankle.  Yeah that intentional grounding was the kind of thing that maybe would have happened differently with a good ankle but whatever.

It’s been a while so here’s another hot football chick.

Dang. Almost a big pass to Branch.  A lot of the Favre passes aren’t that crisp.  Luckily his guys are getting wide open. Wow, Harvin is open on just about every play.  The pats need to tighten up their pass defense… and probably their run D as well.  Wow big goal line stop by the Pats… which means Brady will have to be conservative playing from his own endzone, and less points for me. Yeah they are just kneeling it.  Ok time for another bunch of hot football chicks.

Speaking of which.  I need a big game from Big Ben, or as I will refer to him from now on “Therapist”…. but you pronounce it like Sean Connery.

Ok I hate this.  Did you see that minivan commercial.  At the end of it, this guy says “oh yeah, and it literally gave birth to all other minivans.”  NO IT DIDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO ANYTHING.  IT’S A GOD DAMN MOTOR VEHICLE. THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF GIVING BIRTH.  Jesus.  It’s not like they are trying to use hyperbole, they are just trying to say that all other minivans are based on that minivan. Fine. Maybe you can say that literally all other minivan is based off this mini van, but you can’t say that it literally gave birth.  Fuck that’s stupid.  How did that ever get approved. Stupid.  I just googled “minivan literally gave birth” and got a bunch of results from other people who also hate that commercial.
Here’s a quote from that last site:

A new Dodge Caravan commercial brags that “It literally gave birth to all other minivans.”

Really?  Literally?  It literally pushed all other minivans out of its birth canal?  It literally has a birth canal?  It literally gave birth because it became pregnant via sexual contact with another Dodge Caravan, a male?  They literally were in love, but literally weren’t ready for baby vans at the time?  But the male Caravan was all, trust me baby I will be an amazing van father?  And the Lady Van was like, Ok Dude Van, I trust you, let’s have baby vans?  And then after she found out she was pregnant, he peaced out and she never heard from him again?  And she was pregnant with all other minivans?  All of them?

It literally gave birth to all other minivans. Literally Caravan penis in Caravangina action going on here. Literally Caravan porn.

Ok, lets settle down, watch favre complete a bunch of more wide open passes and check out some more hot football related pics.

This AT&T commercial is reminding me of how underrated Buddy Holly is…. and then the BK Breakfeast commercial following it reminds me of how much I hate that BK Breakfeast commercial, especially the loser pot head sitting on his front lawn folding chair laughing hysterically only after the mail man told him that what he just said was in fact an attempt at humor.

Wow, holy shit. I thought Brady was just throwing that ball away. Tate is pretty F ing Fast.  Well that helped me in fantasy in the one league. Lets celebrate that TD with an amazingly hot ass/football related pic.

I like the new Lebron commercial, especially the spot with Don Johnson doing a little Miami Vice parody.  Money.  Also, I don’t know how many people watch Eastbound and Down, but Don Johnson’s two episode arch was great.

Honestly, even the people IN the BK breakfast commercials look like they hate the BK breakfast commercials.

Wow nice INT. Sucks for Favre and not really his fault although  a better thrown ball wouldn’t have had that happen.  Come on Brady. TD time.    See I think that INT shows what I was saying.  He was completing a ton of passes, but they weren’t thrown that well. He didn’t hit a lot of people in stride, and a lot of them were a little behind or high, and probably because of the ankle.  Look I’m still a fan of Tavaris so I’ll root for him to get in always.  Ughhhhhh really, a running touch down. Again. Damn it Pats.

Jesus, I can’t believe it’s only 6:30.  I guess live blogging for five and a half straight hours is kind of over kill.

They just showed Philip Rivers throwing a TD pass to Gates and I can’t help but thinking that River’s looks like an asshole and that he also looks like Jenna Jameson’s ex husband.  I don’t know if her Ex was an asshole but who cares, I like making assumption based solely on how people look.  Speaking about making assumptions based on how people look, this chick likes anal.

Ok, so lets look at pics of Rivers and then Jenna’s ex and see if they look alike.

Yeah I guess it’s not that similar. Still. They both look like dicks.

What happened to Bernard Berrian.  He was money two years ago, and was on the rise like crazy.  Now it’s just baffling how bad he’s been playing.  Speaking of Vikings receivers, has Moss caught a pass yet.  aaaannnndddd another intentional grounding on favre.

Jesus, this sucks.  The guy i’m playing had to put in Tavaris cause he had no other options since his QB had a bye and forgot to put in McNabb. So Favre gets rocked, and then, BOOM TD Pass, then a 2 point conversion to Harvin, who he also has. grrrrrrrr.  I will say  this however, Howlings is doing awesome for me right now and doing way better than Ronnie Brown.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA   that guy just said to Troy Aikmen, “You know something about getting blasted on the chin.” HAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHA gay gay gay.  3====>~~~~

Ok, enough gay stuff, in fact lets look at the least gay picture in the history of mankind.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think Bret Favre has ever looked older than he did as they carted him back to the locker room.  He looked like he was mid 50s and … man, that image will just stick with me.  It was like a guy who has just finally admitted to needing medical help but more than that admitted that he’s old and not in control of his body to the point he use to be.  So he’s hurt physically but more hurt emotionally.  I’m not mocking the guy, I’m being serious, that was almost a haunting image.

So…. what is tom brady doing with those two QB dives in a row for a total of three inches.

GOD DAMN IT I hate those BK commercials.

Ok, here’s something else about that Skyline movie… there’s no plot in any of the previews.  Seriously, they give no context for whats happening.


Ugggghhhhhhhhh this is another thing I hate.  Why do they do this whole “Let’s talk with a former NFL official guy back in the studio” thing.  It’s just awkward, plus they never offer any insight that hasn’t already been stated by the commentators at the game. Ok ok ok… more hot football chicks.

nooooooooo, not garbage time points for Tavaris.

Bonus coverage…. what the hell uniforms are the Cardinals wearing? Is it black?  It kind of reminds me of that really dark green that Miami U wears sometimes.

I like Josh Freeman.  I want to see him do well.  Normally, I am an asshole who just roots against everyone, but he just seems like he’s kind of scrappy. like he doesn’t have a ton of skills but he just gets it done.  Speaking of which…. they didn’t give him the TD on that one?

Give it to howling and give me points. Nope, they gave it to blunt.  Did he just say “As simple as a screwdriver”? is that a common phrase.  He has to be a redneck.  there’s no other option. DAMNIT Michael Bush just got a TD in garbage time which really really hurts me in my other league.

DAMN great hit, great INT….. oh my guy howling got hurt on that…. sooooo that sucks.

Big FG attempt comming up.  So would it have been any different if they had been a little closer had Freeman thrown the ball away and not taken the sack? It looks like he might have tipped that either way.

Holy Shit. Ronde Barber is still in the league?  I bet Tiki didn’t even know that.

Oh I just realized that as a niners fan I should be rooting against the cardinals here since theoretically the niners could still win the division, especially since they just won earlier today. Wow, that INT is a dagger… specifically the type of dagger you accidentally throw into your own heart.

What a play by blount, leaping over a defender and then picking up 30 yards or so. Nice. That play deserves a hot chick football blah blah blah

Nice commercial with the always self effacing Joe Buck.  Man I use to hate Troy Aikman when he was with Dallas.

Ok, I just checked and it looks like the niners will be two games back of Seattle, St Louis, and if Arizona somehow wins… Arizona.  Sooooo really, loosing to Carolina last week, which was inexcusable, was a huge missed opportunity.  Hell they have had a ton of missed opportunities this year.

Ok it’s time for Sunday Night football…. and no more blogging.


I kind of forgot about the whole betting thing

Ok, I kind of slacked on the whole weekly NFL picks, but I’m back and ready to make some amazing picks that are guaranteed* to make you money.  My crazy awesome picks will be bold.

10/31 1:00 ET San Francisco
(At London)
-2.5 Denver 41
10/31 1:00 ET At Dallas -6.5 Jacksonville 43.5
10/31 1:00 ET At Detroit -2.5 Washington 44.5
10/31 1:00 ET At NY Jets -6 Green Bay 42
10/31 1:00 ET At St. Louis -2.5 Carolina 37
10/31 1:00 ET At Cincinnati -1 Miami 44
10/31 1:00 ET At Kansas City -7 Buffalo 45
10/31 4:05 ET At San Diego -4.5 Tennessee 44.5
10/31 4:15 ET At Arizona -3 Tampa Bay 39.5
10/31 4:15 ET At Oakland -2.5 Seattle 42
10/31 4:15 ET At New England -5.5 Minnesota 44
10/31 8:20 ET At New Orleans -1.5 Pittsburgh 44.5

Monday Night Football Line

11/1 8:35 ET At Indianapolis -5.5 Houston 51

If I had to actually put money on any of these games I would put fifty bucks on Denver to cover against San Fran, 25 bucks on Greenbay to cover against the Jets, and 25 on oakland to cover against seattle.  I am so confident with these picks that if you bet these games and loose, I will refund your lost money. **

But how has my other betting system worked out over the last several weeks? Well if you would have picked all the under dogs last week (week 7) you would have gone 10-4 which is pretty awesome.  How about week 6?  Boom: 6-6-2 …. wow good job Vegas.  Week 5 =  9-5.  Week 4’s record of  10-4 is also crazy awesome.  Using the underdog system would give you a 7 week record of:


That’s actually fairly astounding and makes me wonder why I’m not actually betting this system on Bodog or some other site.  From here on out I think I’m going to start to track four things instead of just three.   Right now I track my picks where I pick someone in every game, I also track picks where I’m very confident  and would consider betting, and then also tracking the underdog picks.  So what if I add another layer and pick all underdogs but exclude maybe two, three, or four games where I think the underdog has no chance.  If I look at this week I would have to choose …. probably none, ok lets say the bills… but not really… actually this is a stupid idea and i’m probably not going to track this since after cleavland destroyed the saints it’s hard to ever say that an underdog has no chance.  blah blah blah something something any give sunday yadda yadda yadda.

Ok, getting ready to watch the games in a couple minutes, so I’ll probably do some live blogging from home today as I watch … the dolphins v bengals and lions v redskins???  shit I don’t care about either of those games.  I guess I’ll be watching as Troy Smith will try and lead the niners to a victory across the pond.

The next Joe Montana, Steve Young, or Jeff Garcia???? no.

Oh well at least the Vikings V Patriots should be good at 4.

* any “guarantees” are made in jest and the statements contained in this post are for entertainment purposes only.
** Nope. No I won’t.

Random thoughts on politics and stuff

I’ve been in a political mood lately, mostly because I’m laid off and get bored with just sending out resumes all day long that I’ve started downloading episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher and The Daily Show and watching online clips from Fox News, Meet the Press, CNN, and blah blah blah.

One interesting thing I heard on last night’s Real Time was a discussion regarding the Rand Paul supporter to stomped on the head of a protester who had just been pushed to the ground.  Here’s the video:

Bill Maher said the following:  nevermind.  I was going to put an exact quote in here but there was too much back and forth between Bill and the guests to really put together a quick quote that summed up his point neatly.  Basically Bill had the opinion that violent behavior like that is something that only the Right does and that liberals don’t do it.  The two conservative guests adamantly deny this point and say that it happens on both sides, and to their credit are able to give one example of the Democrat congressman… or Senator, I don’t know which, who pushed a college kid when the kid was asking him some questions I think while walking down the street.

At first while watching this discussion I wanted to think that both sides have extremes and that it’s equally bad and blah blah blah.  The more I think about it though, the more I start to reject the idea that things are equally bad on both sides.  I think the idea that things are equally bad on each side is a better way of thinking than people who just think one side is just plain wrong/bad/evil/etc.., but it’s not very realistic.  After all, how often are things every truly equal and opposing at the same time.

Now that I’ve given the subject some thought I’ve come to this conclusion.  Yes there are probably people on both sides that are so extreme and so emotionally charged that they give in to violence, but that the messages being delivered by some of the people on the far right are much more inflammatory than those on the far left.  If I’m being really honest, I’d have to say that even entities on the right that aren’t considered extreme (like Hanity, O’Reily, Limbaugh) are partially responsible for this atmosphere of fear and anger by using phrases that are made to elicit an emotional response.  Saying that one side is taking away your freedom, or subverting the constitution, or destroying america, if literal and true would be rallying cries used during violent revolutions.  I don’t think any of those things are literal or true and that most people can understand the hyperbole inherent in comments like those.  But, those emotional extremes on both sides are the ones who don’t understand the hyperbolic nature of the statements and take them literally.  That is why you see more violence (not that i’m saying there is a lot) on the right because those impressionable few are listening to talking points of a much more angry and sinister nature.

I hate using analogies for complicated issues since they often paint in too broad of strokes and over simplify situations, (I also hate using terms like “Far Right” but I totally did it above) but I think the following might be valid in many ways. The difference between political extremists is similar in nature to the differences between religious extremists, in particular those who say that while there are Muslim extremists there are also Christian extremists, i.e. those who bomb abortion clinics.  I, hopefully like most Americans, realize that being a Muslim is in no way shape or form synonymous with being a terrorist, or even supporting terrorist acts, and that the terrorist acts that have been performed by Muslims should not reflect on the religion as a hole.  You can also say the same thing for Christians being overwhelmingly non-violent and that the very few instances of violent behavior by Christians should be viewed as misguided and against the religion’s core principles.

Even thought both sides (and yes I think it’s stupid to just break things down into only two sides for everything) have extremists, I don’t think you can logically look at the two extremes and say that they are equal.  The Christian extremists target abortion clinics and at their worst seek to kill a few doctors, whereas the Muslim extremists seek to kill much larger numbers of people.

Christ I hate analogies…. actually, is this even an analogy or is it something else like a metaphor, or a simile?  Who cares, at least I usually use the word “literally” correctly in most situations.

I wouldn’t pretend to be smart enough to know why one extreme is more violent in this religious comparison, but I think I’ve made a pretty reasonable assumption about the level of violence in the current political climate.

Oh, and speaking of extremes and politics, today was the Rally to Restore Sanity and I thought the comment section on a article regarding the rally kind of summed up …. umm something… perfectly.

  • Jess_Boldt@facebook 1 minute ago
    I think the end point was that both sides can get too extreme. I know I have at times. Who is to say that fox news or huffington post aren’t both extremes in their own right. But in reality, it would be a safe bet that people on both sides are basically good people, and we don’t need the media to tell us different.
  • Love your post! Thank you!
  • The end point is that Obama is without doubt a Marxist. Not good for America.


I have no idea if the person who wrote the Obama = Marxist line was just being funny, just being a troll, or was being completely serious, but it still made me laugh.

What I’m working on

Since I don’t have a job or much of a life right now, I need to find something to keep me busy or I would probably spend all day watching internet porn and beating off to the point of exhaustion on a near constant basis.  So Below I’ve listed all the stuff I’m doing on a daily basis.

Job Hunting:

Not much to really add to this category, but you would be surprised how much it consumes in terms of my time and pride.

Microsoft Certification Training:

There are many different Microsoft Certifications.  Right now I am studying the Sequel 2008 (a.k.a 70-432) certification.  The training DVD I’m using has about 25 hours of instruction on it, and I try to cover an hour a day.  If I take the test and pass I would then get the MCTS in Sequel 2008 Database Administration.  After that I could study 70-450 and take the test for the MCITP in Sequel 2008.  Supposedly this certification is one of the better paying certifications but who the hell knows.  Chances are most of those people who are paid well who have the MCITP also have a MCSE for some older versions of SQL, as well as some Oracle certifications.  I’m hoping to take the test by the beginning of December or maybe late November.


I use to have a couple of TNG sites (thumbnail Gallery) that at times started to make fairly ok money when I actually would put some effort into them.  I kind of loss interest in them and the money slowly started to dry up over time.  After my last foray into porn, I found out that the sites I made the most money off of were the pay per view movie websites and webcam websites.  The pay per view (ppv) sites are based around having an online inventory of almost every pornstar and almost every major and minor porn movie available for streaming viewing.  The customer buys a block of time like 500 minutes for twenty dollars, and then after they watch 500 minutes of porno they hopefully re-buy.  These sites performed fairly well I think because it was appealing to people who only wanted to watch 4 or 5 minutes of a movie without having to pay for the whole movie (either physical DVD or downloadable full movie) and allowed them to have access to tens of thousands of movies without any delay.  Then when the user ran out of minutes they often would renew a few times since it didn’t cost a lot and got a lot of minutes.  Basically it is perfectly designed for why people look at internet porn… to look at something hot while masturbating for three or four minutes and then turning off the porn and going back to being a productive member of society.

The webcam sites also performed well but for very different reasons.  While the PPV was good for people who wanted to get in and out quickly, the webcam sites were good performers because it appealed to people who wanted to interact with hot women who they would normally never be able to talk to.  Basically most cam sites operate where you either buy minutes in advance, similar to the ppv sites, or you pay as you go and have a credit card on file that is debited at the end of each webcam session.  The other big advantage that webcam sites have is that many are starting to feature big name pornstars and internet models instead of the usual hot chick that now makes more money doing this than stripping…. which they probably use to do.

My goal with the new site(s) was to design the site around directing traffic to these two types of sites (ppv and webcam).  So I signed up for an affiliate acount with three of the biggest webcam sites and took a look at which pornstars/internet models are currently listed on their site.  Many of the pornstars that are on one site are also on another which is better for me since it allows more linking opportunities.  Once I identified the models who are offering webcam shows I then went and bought up a ton of cheap .info domain names.  a dot com name cost 8 bucks with the cheapest registrar and 11 bucks with godaddy.  dot info names only cost 99 cents with bulk registration.  So instead of buying 17 dot com domains and paying 187 for a bunch of mix matched domain names that have the pornstar’s names in them, i bought 17 names for 17 bucks that all have the same format

The problem is that the names aren’t designed for people to remember them and go to them directly.  Those type of sites are great but it is really hard to find a good domain name like that…. like pokersoftly.  So instead each domain name is designed to attract people who are searching for one specific pornstar from a search engine like google, bing, or yahoo.  Once there they can view a shit ton of galleries both hosted on my site, linked to the pornstar’s official site (where i have an affiliate account if they sign up), or gallery on another multi star gallery site.  The purpose for linking to multi star gallery sites is that although they are competitors in a sense linking to sites with similar content improves your search engine rankings.

So far I have one site completed with twenty or so galleries at: … which is obviously not safe for work.

btw, this is what Eva Angelina looks like:


She is very near sighted.... and slutty


I’m trying to get one or two sites mostly completed each day, although some of the next steps is to load ppv video links to the multiple galleries and then to create links on each site linking to all the other ones as well as maybe remaking pokersoftly so that it links to all of these sites and becomes a money maker.

Catching up on movies and TV:

The nice thing about working on those porn sites is that it doesn’t take a lot of concentration.  While I spent about 10 hours getting the Eva Angelina site up and running, I was able to watch the episodes of The Even, East bound and Down, and South park I had missed as well as trying out a show on showtime called Brotherhood that I had never heard of before but seems to be ok.  Nothing amazing, just ok.  Oh and Dexter and Rubicon.  I thought Rubicon was over for the season but I guess there is one more episode this season… or maybe more, who knows.  I guess I should admit that it has gotten more exciting lately, although it would have been nearly impossible to make it less exciting.

I also downloaded Johnah Hex and stoped watching after 20 minutes cause the volume on the copy is turned down way too low.  I’m going to have to play it on my home theater/desktop computer.  I also downloaded get him to the greek, wall street, and Jesse Jane all american Girl…. look this new laptop has a high def screen so I wanted to download a high def movie and when you google high def movie it is one of the first results you see… when you add in the words Jesse and Jane.

Next movie I want to download is RED, which looks awesome.  Bruce Willis, Helen Miran, Morgan Freeman, and John Malkeovich as retired hit men?????? awesome. Almost as awesome as an oldwestern hooker version of Megan Fox…. which is the main reason i’m going to go watch the rest of Johna Hex right now.

Sunday night football live blog

The niners are playing the Eagels on Sunday Night football tonight so I thought I’d do some live blogging like I did several weeks ago.

I love that the new niners O cordornator is named Mike Johnson cause it sounds like they are riding the shit out of me at the begining of this game.

Good first drive by the niners that was started with a big return by Ted Ginn Jr…. shit Al michaels literally just said what I just wrote. What a dick head.

It was a good drive but once again, it really didn’t have a lot of plays down the field.  I am happy to see that Crabtree is really starting to get his role defined in the offense as a go to guy in not just clutch situations but also on first and second down as well.  I’m not saying he’s going to be the next Rice or Owens but I wouldn’t mind him being the next John Taylor.


yes, I think he will be the next John Taylor from Duran Duran... oh you thought I mean the niner's receiver from the 80s?


I’m not sure if I ever mentioned this but I do hate Kevin Kolb for no apparent reason.  It’s an irrational hatred, but that doesn’t mean it is any less real.

What the F, one of the niners has a huge ass face tattoo. Like it puts Mike Tyson’s to shame.  I’m surprised the dude doesn’t have spikes on his shoulder pads and yells “ooooohhhhhhhhh what a rush”.

Another week and another week with Leshawn McCoy walking into the endzone untouched cause his line men are holding (and get the flag thrown on them) and starts celebrating himself.  You are an asshole…. probably.  Maybe not as bad as Kevin Kolb who i’m sure takes out his anger on his cats and dogs.

Ok we HAVE to stop glorifying losers in our society.  Right now they are airing that commercial with the …. indian??? pakistani??? looking college kid who is locked out of his room cause his much more awesome roomate is getting some hot coed tail.  So the loser is like “Hey I don’t care about pussy because I have windows 7 and it lets me record TV shows, and it is not at all sad that at the end of this commercial it is dark in the hallway and it looks like i’ve submitted to the fact that I will have to sleep out here.”

Seriously loser, maybe you can’t get any ass, but don’t you have any friends that you could crash with while your kick ass room mate is having a sweaty marathon sexcapade?

BTW, gore fumbled and I hate that, but I have to admit that it was almost comical how the ball came shooting up in the air.  It was like a god damn bottle rocket.

Kevin Kolb thinks that Obama is a secret Muslim born in Kenya.

Kevin Kolb has nothing against black people, and thinks that everyone should own one.

Kevin Kolb’s favorite Disney movie is Song of the South.

Kevin Kolb’s favorite athlete was Ty Cobb and Jon Rocker.

Chris and Al are talking about me again.  The think I’m better than Jimmy Raye.  At least that’s what I gathered from the story.  Oh good follow up to that story is two straight plays for a total of five yards and a chorus of Boooooooossssssss from the crowd for shitty conservative calls.   WOW they just had a big pass for twenty yards on a third and one, and the very next play is a two yard draw play.  Oh awesome, and now they get an illegal formation.  Good fundamentals.   And was that a planned run by Alex Smith. No i guess not. wow, another draw attempt.

aaaaannnnnnddddd I guess that’s why they don’t air it out more.  Still, I’d rather see a few more underthrows into single or double coverage deep down the field than six or seven play drives that only gain 15 or 20 yards and end with a punt.  Jesus, It actually looks like Alex Smith is on the side lines arguing with the guy holding the photo of the last play and trying to explain why his throw totally made sense.  Maybe that’s not what the conversation is, but I’m something of an expert on body language.

Ted Ginn’s punt return was both awesome and terrible at once.

This game is depressing I’m going to start to day dream about my favorite pornstars, you know the ones who are slutty… obviously, but are also hot and not just in a porno kind of way.

Carmen Luvana

I actually heard someone bitch about that new show comming out where they make over poor schools…. who the hell would ever think fixing up a school is a bad idea.  Especially when it is a TV show paying for it and not a poor school district.  Wow, another 10 to 20 yard throw by Alex Smith that was pretty good. Maybe we should do more of those.

Jesus those Burger King breakfast commercials blow.

The niners D would be insane if they were just a little bit more mature and the niners O was able to move the ball more and eat more clock.  Haha, i almost typed “eat more cock” cause i’m looking for pics of Gina Ryder since I think she would fall under that hot pornstar that isn’t just slutty like Carmen Luvana, but I’m having a lot of trouble finding pics where she’s not naked of have a cock in her mouth…. here’s a few though and they don’t really do justice.

Damn, I’m starting to really like Crabtree.  God I feel bad for him and Davis.  I wonder how many times Singeltary has thought about calling Jeff Garcia to see when his CFL is over.

Nice kick Joe “old man river” Neddney.

The niners better run a play quick before they change who recovered that ball.  Ughhhhhhhh almost a good throw by Alex smith to Davis, but not quite.  Once again, the niners make a good play to get the turnover but then don’t execute properly and miss out on a quick easy three points. sad…. so sad.

The Event isn’t really that good.  The commercials actually make me hate the show even though it’s ok.  Just ok, not amazin, like the previews pretend.  NBC is full of god damn liars.

ummmmmmmm I was going to upload more pics of hot yet possibly beautiful pornstars but it’s just way too hard to find pics where they aren’t naked or extremely naked.  So if you want to google image search some hot bitches go look up Zuzana Drabinova, Codi Milo, Renata Daninsky, Erica Campbell, and Aria Giovanni.  Technically the last two have never done actual porn just a shit load of softcore and solo stuff, but whatever, they are all sluts…. well except for Erica Campbell since she found jesus and quit modeling….. stupid jesus ruining everything.


that's Erica Campbell.... GO FUCK YOURSELF JESUS!!!!


Ok Chris Collinsworth, stop saying “Well for anyone who wanted to see him get it down the field, there you go” because both times you’ve said that, was after Kolb threw deep down the field but the ball was only caught cause the reciever and defender out ran the under thrown ball and the receiver made a good adjustment and the niners defender didn’t know what to do.

aaaannnnnddddd gore has another fumble.

Ok good D on fourth down niners.  Now i’m sure it will just be a simple matter of marching down the field and scoring a TD.  I’m sure that it won’t end in a soul crushing turnover or an unenthusiastic three and out.  Oh this has nothing to do with anything but …. they just showed half a minute from an SNL skit and I lost my train of thought.  btw, I was right about the three and out.

Oh I remember now, Margita Haskerty … you know, Jane Mansfield’s daughter that is the hot chick on Law and Order SVU, yeah… she’s hot.  That’s all I wanted to say.  There was a preview for the next SVU episode and I just thought about how hot she is and how sad it is that she’s only ever had one topless pic taken…. which was awesome.  Nope, I don’t care about her acting at all.  Ok heres the link to her nude pic if uyou were interested:  BLACKANDWHITEBOOBS


yep... they are real, and look even better out of that bikini, just google her name and add the word oil in there and make sure no one will be around you and the computer for three or four minutes


And since we are on the subject…. Another Erica Campbell pic i found… while searching for the law and order chick for some reason.

Every single good pass Alex Smith makes is followed by a comment by Chris Collins worth noticing that there was a more wide open guy further down the field.

shit.  That last fumble was a pure Trent Dilfer when he was with Tampa play.

Holy God that series was bad.  I’ve never heard niner fans boo that much.  In fact they hardly ever boo.  It just goes to show how frustrated they are.  Yep, I think chris and Al are right, if Alex doesn’t get points on this drive it’s his last.

god Damn Vernon Davis is awesome.

TD, Alex Smith just saved his job for a little while longer, also, Davis really came through for Smith.

Ok now the niners need to pressure the shit out of kolb.  The niners secondary really isn’t that good so giving Kolb a lot of time now that he’s feeling comfortable  isn’t a good thing.

Damn, nice hustle by whatever eagels player that was.

Wow, Good job by Smith on that TD, but when you are at the one yard line why don’t you run the ball since you have a QB that is kind of shakey?  I think it was a great test of Smith’s ability in crunch time and preassure.

Great catch by davis.  damn, gore had soooo much room. oh well good d by eagels.

nothing Alex could do on that last throw… except throw it away and try again on fourth down.

Ok the niners are 0 and 5.  They are three games back of Arizona.  The niners have a lot of winnable games left, but there are a bunch where they are going to be underdogs, so the three games with only 11 left to play is going to be near impossible to over come.  The thing is, it’s not just about winning now and making up those three games.  You are 0 and 5 for a reason.  If Alex smith can put together a complete game, he would be great, but never has, and probably can’t.

Oh fuck Kevin Kolb.


I found out that my old blog that I kept between most of 05 and part of 06 is still online and I some how remembered the password…. probably because I always use the same password for everything: “H@nshot1st”  See its a good password cause it is a mix of upper case and lowers case letters as well as numbers and symbols. Plus it is a funny star wars reference.

Really? No one gets the reference…. fuck you guys and your star wars hatred and your corresponding ability to have sex with women.

Ok back to the point of this update; I exported all of the posts from the old blog and imported them into here.  Well 76 out of the 82 posts at least.  I’m not sure why they all didn’t come over, but I really just didn’t care that much.

Since i’m narcissistic I will probably read through all my old posts over the next day and a half and then make a new posts with all my favorite Mike Johnson circa 2005 quotes.

Undercovers makes me think i’m racist

So when I saw the previews for NBC’s Undercovers I immediately thought two things; 1. Hey it’s a more ethnically diverse Mr and Mrs Smith. 2. God Damn I love Sharon Leal.  I’m not sure if the first thought is slightly racist or not, but after looking up the show on IMDB I think the second statement might be.  It turns out the hot black chick with the Angelina DSL mouth is not Sharon Leal.  She’s Gugu Mbatha Raw.  After some exhaustive internet research (i.e I beat off to the point of exhaustion) I found the following two pictures that I think show that they look similar.

Sharon Leal = Hot

MGR also = Hot

Ok and then two more where they look less similar.

gugu hotness

leal hotness

and two where they look like two entirely separate people…. probably because they are.

leal BOOBS!!!!!!!

MGR soooo.... what the hell?

Here’s the thing.   I hearted Leal back when she was on Boston Public with Rashida Jones. Sadly the show ended before they were ever able to make out on the show… which was probably never supposed to be a story line, but would have been the best thing to happen to the world ever.  She really hasn’t done much of anything since then… or maybe she has but I just didn’t notice, so when I saw the previews and saw a chick that kind of looked like her I just kind of assumed it was her and ran with it.  I should point out that someone wrote an article discussing the same mistake I made.
Ok fine, the article isn’t actually about the similarities between MGR and Leal but there was a couple of comments posted that fans commented on their similarities. Ok, maybe not a couple, but just one…. and the comment just said that they should have gone with someone more mainstream like Leal or Kerry Washington.
Wait a minute check out this pic of Kerry Washington:

I think she got naked in Last king of Scottland.. i didn't mean naked, I meant ... did a good job acting, I don't only remember women's acting roles when they get nekkid

Ok, I’m sorry she looks like Leal and MGR there too. Is it still racist if I think all black chicks look the same BUT I think that they are all also hot?   I hate my cracker ass.  In my own defense, here is an IMDB discussion board where a bunch of people talk about how Sharon Leal and Kerry Washington look alike:
Also to further illustrate my point, below is a bunch of random pics of the three chicks and you have to figure out which are which.










Answers are after the jump.