Season & Series Premiers

There were a bunch of series and season premiers so far this month.  Here is my rundown on some of them.

Sons of Anarchy

I like that this season (the first three episodes or so) are starting to really show the sons as being a negative influence on the town and the town finally starting to get sick of their shit.  So far this year some innocent hot dominican nurse was killed (and yes, she was innocent in my opinion since she was just trying to bring a suspected murderer to justice) some innocent kid at a funeral was killed by stray gun shots, and Hale was also killed when the drive by van ran over him thirty seven times.

At some point the Sons have to look at what affect they’re activity is having on those around them and really think about whether it is all worth it.  This may or may not escalate since the main storyline is Jax getting his kid back.  And now that i’m thinking about it, can someone explain to me why you don’t give the kid back, especially now that you’ve killed the guy who stole the kid and started this shit storm in first place.  There most be some reason behind this that I’m missing but who cares it’s SOA.

Terriers

I like the show so far (only caught the first two episodes) but thought there would be a little more comedy in it.  I do kind of want to hate this show since it has some similarities to the show i want to write but who cares.  The highlight so far is that the one dudes girlfriend had a button down shirt on and all the buttons were open and you could almost see some tit. oh well maybe next week.

Boardwalk Empire

My favorite new show. I’ve already written a bunch about this, but how did I miss the guest spot by gretchen Mol in the last episode. JESUS IS SHE HOT, but I didn’t recognize her somehow.  Seriously, google her nude scenes right now. You won’t be disappointed.

Google me NOW!!!

Chuck

So this season chuck is looking for his mom who happens to be Sarah Conner.  Honestly if Quantum leap and Terminator 1 and 2 chick are your parents, shouldn’t you have more self confidence than Chuck Bartowski?  So there’s a new Buy More that now has Olivia Munn working there… so that’s AWESOME… hopefully, and chuck is back to being a spy and Chuck’s sister is preggers, and we didn’t see Awesome for some reason.  Meh.

I should point out that the music that they used in the season premier was really off at certain points.  Like the music editor/creator was totally just mailing it in.  Also, they had Dolph Lundgren on as a bad guy and they had him use a bunch of his Rocky IV catch phrases which should have been cool if they hadn’t ham fisted them into scenes where they didn’t belong.

Oh and here’s another thing…. so the ring was thwarted at the end of last season… although I don’t actually remember that, and I know it’s just a fun spy show but can we please get a little bit of background on why there are all these evil organizations in the world.  Afterall, no one thinks that they are evil.  Bad guys have very specific reasons for doing what they do, and almost never is it just “doing stuff that’s evil cause I’m evil, and evil stuff is awesome to me.”  I can’t see this show lasting another full year after this one, just cause there’s no where the story lines can go.

The Event

So Lost and Flash Forward got drunk one night, hooked up, and nine months later, Flash Forward gave up it’s bastard child of a show to NBC who named it The Event. I like how NBC’s marketing department keep talking about how everyone who saw the first episode is asking “where’d the plane go.”  But to be fair NBC marketing people, the only people actually asking that are people who work at NBC or media critics and bloggers who have nothing better than do than to hope this becomes a big deal like Lost, which it wont.

Oh and three things about this show that I think have to be said.  The guy from boy meets world that was on the plane trying to stop his future father in law from crashing the plane, sounds like a whinny bitch in every scene.  I’m not saying his dialog is whinny or bitchy, i’m saying his voice is effeminate and irksome.   The guy who was trying to stop the plane with his SUV is the worst combination of bad acting, terrible logic, over used catchphrases and cliches, and general awfulness that you could possibly throw together when making a character.  He tried to out run a plane with a Chevy Trailblazer… actually does it… yells at the plane to “Bring it”… then just pussys out and doesn’t save the day by ramming his car into the planes engine or wheels like someone trying to stop a terrorist plot would have done.  And finally, the president has the worse secret service in the history of television drama secret service.  It was like they learned the first 5 out of the 7 steps needed to evacuate the president from a compromised location.  They actually had him in the limo ready to leave and then they all just stood around staring at the plane… for a full TWO minutes instead of driving away.

I will not be watching the rest of this series, I don’t think.

shit my dad says

i love the actual twitter account that this show is based on but I heard the show is bull shit.  I’ll still peep it at some point to see if I like it.

Community

Still awesome, and i like how they resolved the issues from last season…. AND Poked fun of Shit My Dad Says.  They totally clowned this shit out of that show even before it was on TV… or maybe just after it was on. honestly I don’t know when the other show airs.  Regardless it was great.  Also great? Annie. I’d destroy her and I think Jeff should do that.

30 Rock

Still love this show, and I’m loving the guests spots by Matt Damon.  He is so underrated as a comedic actor.

The Office

The prank Jim was going to pull off was fantastic. …. um other stuff happened too that was funny, but really I’m just watching for the awesome pranks just like they did in the first several seasons.

Lonestar

Hear it was good and then a day later heard it was cancelled.  I think i’ll download it and then I’ll be the judge.  You know, the judge of whether it is good or not.  I’m not going to judge if it has been cancelled since that is more of a yes no thing, and not really open to judgment or debate.

Dexter

I made a bunch of predictions about this season last night and i’m sure at least a few come true, but I haven’t watch the season premier yet.  Maybe tonight i’ll scope it out.

Outsourced

There’s two things I can say about this show without actually having seen the first episode. First: this could be the next Parks and Rec, starting out slow and then building steam week by week till it becomes a big hit.  Second: That was not at all an original thought, and was something I read on another blog.

I think it should be pointed out that most of the NBC Thursday night comedies took that path.  The office was almost cancelled before it really took off mostly on word of mouth and rave reviews from critics.  Community was a big hit at first but quickly got popular thanks to almost every internet blog commenting on it’s awesomeness.  Parks, blah blah blah.  Basically with all of these shows, it takes a little while till you really start to like all of the characters and really start to enjoy the humor they put out.  Kind of like if you tried to join a new group of friends.  Chances are they would seem funnier two years down the road when you are use to them, compared to how funny you thought they were the first week or two you hung out with them.

Machete and The Town Review

and….. *sigh*  Superman / Batman: Apocalypse review……… I hate myself.

Machete Quick Reveiw

Going into this movie I was excited about several things:

  • This is a Robert Rodriguez film in the same vein as Planet Terror which I really liked (I hated Death Proof btw).
  • Lindsay Lohan gets naked at one point and aside from that isn’t in the movie that much.
  • It has Jessica Alba wet and partially naked in a shower.
  • Michelle Rodriguez seems to get hotter in every movie she’s in.
  • Danny Trejo…. Danny fucking Trejo.

In the movie they digitally removed the underwear... but still no nips 😦

If you saw Desperado then you were probably like me and were hoping that Machete would be a lot like the assassin he played in that movie with all the cool knives.   The sad fact of the matter is that this film was probably made 5 or 10 years too late for Trejo.  He doesn’t seem as bad ass and scary any more since he’s too familiar.  Kind of like if you befriended Jack Bauer any never hung out with him on any of the 7 days in which he had to yell “There’s not enough time” constantly.
Danny Trejo has almost become a parody of himself, which I guess shouldn’t hurt the movie since it is suppose to be a less than subtle wink at all the old cheesy 70’s action movies.  Somehow it just didn’t work for me.

I should probably stop right now, and mention that I did like the movie, but just not as much as I thought or hoped I would.  It’s not a terrible movie like some people have said, most of whom I’m guessing don’t realize that it is supposed to be cheesy.

And I think that is my problem with the movie; the difference between accidental but forgivable cheeseyness and terribleness, and purposeful terribleness and cheeseyness.   The best way I can describe it is like this; when I saw planet terror it looked like a movie where they tried hard to put in a series of bad ass moments and were unapologetic if they came of cheesy or looked cheap and badly made since those moments were recognized for what they were and tweaked to fit in with the 70’s action motif.  In this movie it felt more like they purposefully went for stuff that would be cheesy and badly made in a 70’s way on purpose, but didn’t do anything to tweak it so that it was as appealing to todays audience.

So an over the top scene in planet terror would come across as over the top but fun in an almost sarcastically badass way, whereas an over the top scene in Machette came across as poorly executed and half hearted.

Seriously though…. I want to have a three way with Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez and I think I know why the later keeps getting hotter.  Kind of like how Danny Trejo gets less intimidating the longer you know him (on TV and movie, who knows about real life), Michelle Rodriguez was kind of a scary chick but now you’ve gotten use to her and aren’t afraid she’ll leap off the screen and stab you with a razor blade she has hidden in her snatch.

That is her sexy face

The Town

I know I should make some kind of Boston Accent joke relating to the way they probably pronounce the word “town” but I just don’t have it in me.  So this movie has Ben Affleck (who I’m an apologist for), that guy from Hurt Locker and Swat, Blake Lively (who’s cleavage was epic in this movie), and John Hamm (a.k.a Don Draper).  Since I just mentioned John Hamm, I will now insert an obligatory John Hamm SNL skit below:

http://www.hulu.com/embed/UEyvoP8GV9yMPbC-7Rt2qw

i liked all of the characters and thought all of their story lines were believable and well fleshed out for the most part.  Ben’s character probably fell in love too fast, and hurt lockers character was kind of an archtype with the quick to anger attitude. Supposedly a lot of people didn’t like the Jon Hamm’s character and I guess I would dislike him too if I wasn’t a Mad Men fan…. uh oh, I mentioned Jon Hamm again, guess you know what time it is:

http://www.hulu.com/embed/Xh4Hdnfz-r4pKIXbcbs-Ig

The nice thing about this movie is also kind of the reason I don’t like it more.  There’s no one you really root for in the movie.  Ben and Hurt Locker are bank robbers, although Ben is nicer about it than hurt locker.  The kidnapped chick turned love interest is written to be very likeable with all of her innocence and charity work, but odly I just didn’t feel that compelled to like her.  The really bad mob guys were dicks and had next to no redeeming qualities so it was easy to root against them which in part made you root for Ben even more.  Blake Lively was kind of a sad pathetic (… and hot) character who you didn’t necessarily like, but didn’t dislike either.  The same could be said for Jon Hamm who was on the right side of the law but since he kind of used Blake Lively and manipulated her and her kid, and then put the magnifying glass under Ben’s new chick it made him some what unlikeable… unlike the time Jon Hamm did the following skit:

http://www.hulu.com/embed/CO_4RpXQMlAfK7BmOTecSg

Oh shit, wasn’t I supposed to give ratings to all of these movie reviews… uhhhh I give Machete 6 out of 10 vagina cell phones and I give The Town 8 out of 10 “How do you like them apples”

Superman / Batman: Apocolypse

I can’t believe i’m admitting that I watched this, let alone writing a review of it.  Look, it’s another one of those comic book animated movies that play around with the classic comic book cannon just enough to make it some what fresh but not so much that it confuses people or disorients them.  But as long as we are talking about what disoritented me in this movie, let’s talk about how they drew and voiced superman.

I don’t know why, but superman came across as an asshole in this animated version.  I think the voice they used for him was a little too gruff and almost batmanish, and his face was harder than what you are use to with superman.  It was like a version of Superman, where Clark had totally been through some heavy shit back in Smallville.

Actual screenshot

And another screen shot

Seriously, superman looks more hardened than Batman does here

I know this is just a small thing, but the difference in personality between Batman and Superman is pretty substantial and very well defined.  They really didn’t do anything in the movie to mess with that, but like I said, the voice and appearance just didn’t seem right to me.

This is more like it

It is subtle but the above image you can see that the ratio between optimistic and brooding for Superman and Batman seems right…. Also, If I was a cartoon super hero, Wonder Woman would be the cartoon I’d most want to bang.

I give this movie… wait did I even talk about the movie itself… no i guess not, who the hell cares, Batman and Superman save the day by being greater than the sum of their individual parts and super girl was probably raped by Darkseid at one point. Seriously, watch the movie, I’m pretty sure he raped her and got the Stockholm syndrome thing going on.

I give this movie 5 out of 10 comic book nerd forum posts dedicated to discussing female super heroes being raped way too often in comic books. (a.k.a women in refrigerators http://www.comicvine.com/women-in-refrigerators/12-43763/)

Prediction of Dexter’s upcoming season

So I’m about to watch the season 5 premier of Dexter and I thought I’d jot down a few notes on what I think this season will bring.  First a quick recap of last season though:

Dexter has a new serial killer that he is going after… just like he does every year.  This serial killer makes him re-evaluate his life and how he interacts with his friends and family… just like he does every year.  Tracking this serial killer causes problems for Dexter both professionally and personally as the time requirements infringe on his other duties… just like it does every year.

Ok I’m poking fun at the show despite the fact that I really like it.  It is formulaic but not overly so, especially compared to other shows like burn notice, house, or virtually every show on TV right now.

The formula for Memphis beat is: Bad writting + contrived wornout plot + badly timed obvious comedic moments = terrible show

Ok so the big BIG development last year was Dexter got married, or maybe that was the previous year, has a kid, killed the 3rd rock from the sun guy, but not before he SPOILER killed dexter’s wife….. who was hot and I think had a boob job in the 3rd season.

One of the first google image search results for "julie benz boob job"

Lets jump into what I think is going to happen in season 5.

Police start to suspect dexter

Since he’s kind of creepy as fuck, more than a few people might suspect him of killing his hot blonde wife…. who is now a super hero on ABC with Vick Mackey.  Obviously he won’t be arrested or that heavily investigated cause then he couldn’t do anything with his spare time like murdering bad guys.  So just like Doakes in season 2, one of the detectives is going to take it on himself… or herself??!?!?! to investigate him.  My guess is that it has to end differently than what happens with Doakes and maybe this person finds the truth and then says he wants in on the vigilante justice.

Dexter’s mother in law comes to town

I forget the whole story from last year, but basically that woman was a bitch, tried to have the kids taken away because Dexter used a fake drug addiction as his excuse for why he was behaving the way he always did.  So now that the wife is gone, it makes sense for that beeeyatch to come back and try and take the kids back.

Police stop suspecting dexter but at the same time his sister starts to suspect him

This is kind of a follow up to the first prediction and it isn’t dependent on the first one coming true.  Maybe the season ends with his sister… who is soooo … disturbingly hot to me… finally realizing that her brother is a killer and we start next season with her not knowing how to handle it.

I.... I just want.... it's not the face... and her body is meh but... i don't know, i'd ruin her if given the chance.

the baby murders someone

This would be awesome… very unrealistic, but crazy awesome.

We almost get to see Dexter’s sister’s tits again but not really

This is another running theme in the show that probably adds to the reason I want to make sweet sweet fuck to her.  She’s naked like all the time on the show but is always covering up the goods cause the woman who plays her must be a god damn prude or something. Also, she’s married to the guy who plays Dexter in real life.

There’s a new serial killer in town…. and it’s a chick this time… who cares.

Why are all the serial killers guys.  There has to be at least one hot serial killer out there with a fantastic rack who, for some reason, always has to get naked when she kills someone.  Ok maybe she doesn’t need to get naked, since that would lead to a high chance of leaving behind trace evidence, but maybe she just kills while wearing sexy lingerie.  Seriously, you have to admit that would be a very compelling story line.

Julie Benz’s ghost will play devil’s advocate to Dexter’s ghost dad

Ok they aren’t ghosts, but just parts of his personality that share screen time with him.  Still this one is obvious and has to happen.  She will probably be pushing Dexter to be all about the family, while the dad is all like, Dude you shouldn’t be a father, dump the kids off with that bitch of a grandmother and go murder some bad guys like old times.

this picture has nothing to do with anything, but I just want another chance to show why I want to Bang her in th.... ewww her abs are kind of intimidating

NFL Week 3 results

I went 10 and 6 in picks last week and 2 and 1 in the picks that i would have bet money.  That brings my yearly record to 22 – 23 – 3.  If I would have just bet on all the under dogs with less than a 10 point spread I would have gone 9 and 4 bringing that betting strategy year long record up to 26-14-3.  If I had bet money on the games I mentioned I would have bet money on, I’d be up 25 bucks right now after three weeks, which is fairly lame.

NFL picks week 3

my picks in bold.  The only ones I might put money on would be Sandiego over Seattle and Oakland over Arizona and Jets over miami all for 25 bucks cause I can’t pick these games. They are too hard.

9/26 1:00 ET At NY Giants -3 Tennessee
9/26 1:00 ET At New England -14.5 Buffalo
9/26 1:00 ET At Baltimore -12.5 Cleveland
9/26 1:00 ET Pittsburgh -2.5 At Tampa Bay
9/26 1:00 ET Cincinnati -3.5 At Carolina
9/26 1:00 ET At New Orleans -3 Atlanta
9/26 1:00 ET San Francisco -3 At Kansas City
9/26 1:00 ET At Minnesota -13 Detroit
9/26 1:00 ET At Houston -2.5 Dallas
9/26 4:05 ET Washington -5 At St. Louis
9/26 4:05 ET Philadelphia -3 At Jacksonville
9/26 4:15 ET Indianapolis -6 At Denver
9/26 4:15 ET San Diego -4 At Seattle
9/26 4:15 ET At Arizona -5.5 Oakland
9/26 8:20 ET At Miami -2.5 NY Jets

Monday Night Football Point Spread

9/27 8:35 ET Green Bay -3 At Chicago

NFL week two betting results

Without taking too close of a look I already know I sucked ass this week with my picks.  My biggest weakness in my picks was letting week 1 surprises affect my decisions for week two.   Some teams came back kto earth, and some played up to the level they were predicted to be at all season. Sooooo i sucked.

I went 4 – 11 – 1 in week two games betting who i thought would win the point spread.  In the games I would have actually betted on if I was betting I would have lost the fifty on NE, 25 on NO and 25 on Seattle and won fifty on KC. So I would be down fifty for this week and even for the year overall. 

If I had bet all underdogs where the line was less than 10 points I would have gone 9 – 4 – 1  which is way better than i did picking myself.  Ok, I need to step up my game for next week. Well at least i’m winning in most of my fantasy football leagues. whooooooo!!!!