So part of the hook for my TV detective show will be that the main character works as a porn star. Male Porn star, cause there’s more opportunity for humor there since guys in the porn world are just kind of shit on. I didn’t mean that literally but i’m sure there is a market out there for scat porn. Lets just go ahead and eliminate the possibility of my protagonist ever doing anything like that.
I do however need to come up with several familiar porno scenarios that Rod (the detective) could find him self and then figure out how that works into the show and each weeks case. After some exhaustive research, I’ve come up with the scenarios listed below:
- Pizza Delivery – “I don’t remember ordering an extra large with sausage”
- Cable Repair Man
- Naughty School Girl
- Getting out of a Speeding Ticket
- Gynecologist visit
- catch someone pleasuring themselves – “need a hand?”
- Catch the wife cheating with her girl friend – Bam three way time
- Promotion at work
- pool boy
- Bondage (male tied up, cause the other way could be offensive)
- xxx porn parodys
- bangbus/bangvan/fake real life scenario
The last one might be funny if they do the thing where Rod pulls up in the van and offers the woman money for sex thinking that the woman is the porno chick he’d met earlier, but in fact its just some normal person that looks very similar and all hell breaks loose. Even better is if it’s an off duty cop.
The difficult thing will be trying to tie the porno into the case he’s working. I already know the cases I want Rod to work, but it’s going to be tough to fit these into them. What I think the next step should be is to write down the elements of each porno scene. Maybe from there I can make some kind of connection, or at the least show how those items might job loose some inspiration for Rod.
As with any of the “professions” on this list, I could just go real obvious and say that “The pizza delivery man” did it. That’s not really clever though. The elements of this porno cliche are: The pizza itself, the whole in the cardboard box, the pizza box, the pizza guy’s uniform, the delivery itself. Ok just spit balling here, you could set up a mystery where the bad guy gains entrance using a pizza guy disguise. Another idea is that the box and or pizza menu could be a clue. For instance the bad guy could use the letters from the menu to make a black mail note.
Cable Repair man
Once again we could have the bad guy dress as the cable repair man in order to gain access to some place. This would work with the bowling trophy case, where the repair man doesn’t really fix anything and nabs the trophy. Some other elements of the repair man are the tools he uses. Rod could be on set as the cable repair man and might be wondering why the tool belt they gave him has a hammer or some other tool a cable repair man would never need. Also it would be a good excuse to make a big Lebowski reference.
Naughty School Girl
Ok so here we have books, apples, classroom, chalk, rulers (in my mind i’m picturing rod going way over the top when spanking a porn chick with the ruler and just snapping it in half after the porn chick complains that he’s being too timid.) desks, chalkboard. Something could be written on the chalk board that triggers Rod’s memory, or maybe one of the books could do something similar.
Getting out of a Speeding Ticket
The ticket itself, the carbon paper, the cool aviator glasses, the uniform, the clip on tie, the radar gun, the dashboard camera, the siren, the lights. The dashboard camera could make Rod think about how a camera might accidentally capture a video of a crime, even though it is not trying to do that. For instance a camera at an ATM might capture someone being robbed across the street. This could be used in the workman’s comp case where instead of trying to catch him doing something he shouldn’t be able to do, Rod instead is able to check on the initial accident and see that it was staged by finding an outside video source.
I think a hypnotist would also work here, but just any excuse for Rod to kind of feel uncomfortable with the premise of the porno boarding on something kind of rapey where the woman is being taken advantage of. (like for the school girl scene he would really insist that the school girl is at least in college) Ok so the doctors office has a stethascope, needels/syringes, rubber gloves, random outdated magazines. Yeah I got nothing for this.
As the series goes on it probably would be less important for the porno scenes to relate to the case, since Rod should be getting better at solving them straight up.
Ok, now that i’m thinking about this, The porno chick in this scene could mention her referral from her family doctor, and the word referral makes Rod think about the possibility of the place that painted his car was getting a kick back after referring the car thieves to it.
Catch the wife cheating with her girl friend
This could tie into part of the ongoing story and be featured the week that Rod catches the wives together.
Promotion at work
Office setting means computers, sticky notes, office phones, water cooler (actually would be interesting to see them have porno set in an office but of the water cooler area in the open since the proposition would be inappropriate there and only Rod would notice that.) copier, cubicles. Nope I got nothing for this one.
Pool, water, that net on a long stick i think is called a skiff, the filtration system, deck chairs, beach towels, sunscreen. The only thing i’m thinking is that maybe this makes rod realize that the woman who hired him in episode two or three to check on her husband was actually having an affair. He then talks about it later to his buddy shifty.
I never did understand the premise behind this cause it seems there would be way too many problems with the set up. 1st, the babysitter has to be 18 or older and in which case why is she still a baby sitter. Is she baby sitting an actual baby, or just kids who may wake up at any moment once the baby sitter starts moaning in ecstacy. What about the wife. Is it a single dad? I just don’t understand how the scenario would work.
I don’t know what specific items or characteristics this scene could have in it that would be a trigger for Rod. Since it would seemingly take place in any room in the house (hopefully aside from the kid’s room) I could basically use any item that would be in a house that would also be a prop in a porn movie. Looking at the episode guides I made last week, I have used the porn scenarios listed previously to cover the first four episodes. Episode five is a missing person’s episode and I’m assuming I could use something in the house of the mother of the missing daughter to tie it into the porn scene. Like a picture frame or painting on the porn set reminds Rod of a painting or picture in the house.
Rake, grass, leaf blower, lawn mower, Mexicans (holy shit is that racist), fertilizer. Not really coming up with anything here, but I did have a thought. In one of the later episodes, Rod should have an Ah Hah moment from a porn set that solves his case, then he goes to confront the person or solve it or whatever, and it turns out he’s dead wrong and is really embarrassed.
Whips, leather, chains, handcuffs, ball gags, weird looking sex toys. I’m thinking maybe a discussion about a hand made or custom made sex toy could be related to the poker chip fraud thing. Like the baking process for a glass toy reminds Rod about the high pressure furnace for the chips.
Jane Bond – Quantum of Soul Ass. Inception… aly awesome tits.
Shitty Van, hald held camera, moron laughing annoyingly, Terrel Owens.
Ok, that’s enough for today. I think the next thing i’m going to do is make a list of all the characters and expand on them a little.