Rubicon still doesn’t make sense so I watched some other shows

Rubicon

I just got done watching the 6th episode of Rubicon and I thought I’d do a quick recap of this episode and the whole season as a whole.

Recap Rubicon Episode 6:

huh? ohhhhh ok I guess.  *sigh* how much longer?

Recap Rubicon Season 1 so far:

whaaaaaaaaaa???????

"Oh look I think I see our show's plot finally arriving over there in the.... oh wait, nope that's a squirrel. Damn what the hell are we doing in this show."

And there you go.  I honestly don’t know where this show is going, and although it has some good dialog, good character development, great set designs, and great actors, it still doesn’t have any real discernible conflict.

….. I’m going to name this Treme syndrome.

This band plays a song every time treme is mentioned, even if it is a negative comment.

When I saw the first saw Rubicon, I thought there was some type of mystery or surprise reason as to why everything looked all old school (70s and 80s old school).   Now i’m thinking that there isn’t, and that is kind of disappointing.   Granted, not every show needs as many twists and turns as a show like lost, but I would like at least some twists, turns, conflict, and direction.

Sooooooooo let’s see what else is on TV.

Royal Pains:

Starring from left to right: Non-descript subtely hot no name white woman, The smart pot head from Road trip, Not the doctor from Northern Exposure, and a Hot Indian woman with a weird ass name.

I heard good things about this show, and wanted to watch it when it first came on TV last year… or the year before.  Whatever, IMDB it if you want to know when it first came on the air.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I downloaded and watched a season and a half of this show over the weekend.  … Nope, I was wrong, that is very sad and I am ashamed to have just admitted it. Christ, why do I write some of this stuff and then just not delete it. Weird.

At least its only a 12 episode season so it didn’t take long. Plus the show is on USA so there are no commercials making that actual episode length closer to a measly 42 minutes…. which still means I watched over twelve and a half hours of TV. Fuck.

Ok here is a recap of the first season and a half of Royal Pains:

Royal Pains Season 1 and a half recap:

ohhhhhh kay, not too bad, i’m digging it.

It’s predictable but it’s fun and the few twists (like having the Fonz show up) are not forced.  Also, the guest stars have been pretty awesome. (some hot, some…. well…. ok The Big Show was one of the guests, soooooo yeah there was that.)  The show has a good mixture of well timed humor, without going over board on the jokes, and just enough drama to make you care about the week to week goings on.

Oh and….

ppppllllleeeeaaaasssseeee let there be a Kama Sutra episode

So what else am I watching? Well there’s Louie, Mad Men, Burn Notice, Futurama and season 1 of the Wire.

Mad Men is very similar to Treme and Rubicon in the sense that they all move very slow and depend heavily on character development.  The one thing that makes Mad Men far superior to the previous two show is that Mad Men does have conflict with real implications.  None of the conflict is monumental and is mostly real world stuff like, divorce, raising kids, adultery, and ad work stuff.  Here’s my review of this season’s Mad Men episodes so far:

Recap of Mad Men Season 4 so far:

Awwwwwww Yeahhhhhh, drink that scotch and bang those broads and make that money Don Draper !!!! whoooooo!!!!!

Here’s a video showing how awesome Don Draper is.

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/don-drapers-guide/787241/

OK so let’s wrap this entry up.  I was afraid when futurama came back on the air it would suck because the creators tried to change it to make it more marketable and less likely to get cancelled again.  Instead the Futurama writers have embraced their core audience and have really made the show even better than before.

ok in truth if they really really really wanted to embrace their core audience there would be way more of this on the show….. btw never google image search the words “Futurama” “Amy” and “Leela” with the moderate search set to OFF.

Burn Notice just wrapped up their fourth season, and honestly, I kind of stopped caring about the season long plot lines they have going on.  I’ve seen every episode and even though they constantly recap what they are doing and why they are doing it, i still can’t follow it, probably because I just don’t care.

But the real thing I want to discuss, is what i’m excited to watch next…. so i’ll write about that tomorrow.

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I got two things working against me

So I’m writing a spec script that is based on an original idea of mine that features a crime solving detective who works part time as a porn star.  I felt that I had two major elements that would make the show original. The obvious one is having a main character who is a porn star.  I don’t know any show that has or had that.  I also wanted the porno aspect to be humorous but also be somewhat realistic in it’s depiction of how men in the industry are treated.

This isn't very realistic

Most people think that being a male pornstar would be a mix of pure awesomeness and insanely well manufactured awesomeness, but from what I’ve read, and heard in behind the scenes interviews, life for the guys in porn can kind of suck ass. Not literally… well yeah literally too I guess.

My other unique aspect of the show would be it’s more accurate depiction of the type of work a real private eye usually does.  On most shows, the detectives are either solving a murder, or solving a theft. In truth most detectives are hired to either perform surveillance or research.  Surveillance work could be in the form of watching a subject to see if they are faking a work man’s comp claim, cheating on a spouse, or… well that’s mostly it.  The research cases are usually contracted to go through public records and verify that information submitted is accurate.  A business might hire a PI to do this type of research before hiring a new employee, making a capital investment, taking over another company, etc….

The thrilling life of a private investigator

There is also a very large field in the PI world for cyber related investigating.  These types of PIs spend their days looking for security holes in a companies IT setup, recovering lost data or encrypted data, and tracing virus and other cyber attacks.  I would have thrown some of this in to the stories but they are too complicated and more boring than funny.

With the things mentioned above I felt I had at least a good premise to build a show that was at the very least unique, although I still was a little worried that people would think the funny detective show is too much like Monk, Psych, etc… and that the porno angle would be too similar to Hung.

All the ladies want to pay Mickey "The Punisher" Mantle for sex

Then I saw this blog post on one of my favorite websites: http://warmingglow.uproxx.com/2010/08/first-trailer-for-fxs-terriers

Terriers from Creator/Executive Producer Ted Griffin (Ocean’s ElevenMatchstick Men) and Executive Producer Shawn Ryan (The Shield), is a comedic drama starring Donal Logue (The Tao of Steve) and Michael Raymond-James (True Blood). It centers on “Hank Dolworth” (Logue), an ex-cop, who partners with his best friend “Britt Pollack” (Raymond-James) in an unlicensed private investigation business. Comedic, edgy, original, a show about high stakes in the face of low expectations, Terriers explores what it’s like in today’s America to be “too small to fail.”

Ok actually the quote is a quote from some place else that was quoted in the blog entry. Whatever, the point is that it is a comedy / dramaedy that has a pair of private detectives doing real private eye work.  So that kind of makes my idea seem less unique, but after watching the preview it still looks like these guys will be doing PI work that is more on the high stakes side of things.

Well at least there’s no other show’s on TV that focus on the porn world.

http://warmingglow.uproxx.com/2010/08/hbo-making-a-show-about-porn

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mark Wahlberg and Steve Levinson are working with controversial writer James Frey… on a one-hour drama that will use both legit actors and real porn performers. The plot will focus on a giant video company under siege from Internet competitors and a girl from the Midwest whose boyfriend convinces her to move to Los Angeles to become a star.

Frey, who’s writing the pilot, said, “We’re going to make a sprawling epic about the porn business in LA. We’re going to tell the type of stories no one else has told before, and go places no one has gone before.”

Ok that one kind of hurts, especially since it’s going to be on HBO and that’s one of the networks I was going to send my spec script to.  Oh well there’s still Starz and Showtime.  Maybe I could sell it to AMC if they suddenly decide that increasing FCC fines is a core part of their business model.

Very popular but unknown pieces of music

I was watching a preview for season 5 of Dexter and they played the “Lux Aeterna” as the background music for the 1 min preview.  If you don’t recognize the name, you will probably at least recognize the song as the “Requiem for a Dream” music.  If you still have no idea what i’m talking about then check this out:

You totally have heard that music before cause it’s in almost every movie trailer ever.  I believe the composer is receiving royalties for the song’s use, but there’s another piece of music that is a thousand times more popular, and the creators never get any credit or royalties despite it being used in hundreds of commercial songs.  It’s call the Amen Break, and below is a quick youtube video that explains it’s importance and use even in songs from NWA.

It’s kind of fascinating to read up on that 40 year old piece of music, Classical music is still the leader in popular yet unknown.  O Fortuna is another piece of classical music you hear in a ton of movies.

Or if you need something less classical but not too modern than just toss in some Rhapsody in Blue by George Gershwin.  I think there was an airline that used parts of this song in their ads.

I was just listening to this and the word’s “Friendly Skies” popped into my head, and after a quick google search, it was indeed United that used this music in their TV spots.  It’s actually kind of a testament how well placed music can have such a lasting affect on a commercials’ message.

Back to Classical mussic, there’s plenty more you could site as music that everyone recognizes but aren’t familiar with the composer or his original work.  You have Theme for the Common man, Ride of the Valkyrie, Bolero, and even Beethoven’s 9th, but if you ever watched Saturday morning cartoons from the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, or even 90’s then you’ll have to recognize the following as a piece of music played anytime a peaceful countryside is shown.

Expendables Review

If you were not eagerly anticipating the release of the Expendables (staring virtually every action star in this history of everything forever) odds are good that you either have a vagina or have had at least two different cocks in your mouth during the course of your life. Just to humor the female and effeminate, lets review the basic premise of the movie based solely on the previews:

  • BOOM
  • EXPLOSIONS
  • RAMBO
  • TRANSPORTER AND JET LI
  • RAMBO VS IVAN DRAGO
  • CHEESBURGER EDDIE WITH AN AUTOMATIC SHOTGUN
  • BBOOOOMMMEEEXXXPLLOOSSSIONN
  • RAMBO IN A CHURCH WITH TERMINATOR AND JOHN MCCLAIN
  • MOTORCYCLES
  • CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO
  • MICKEY ROURKER IS A BAD ASS WITH HEARTFELT WORLDLY KNOWLEDGE

And for the MMA fans there was small dog enthusiast Randy Coutor

Honestly, having an old school style action movie with some of the biggest action stars of the past 30 years, meant that this could be a movie where I could just turn off my brain and just sit back and be entertained.  I read that when Stallone had first started writing and shooting this movie he wanted it to be a straight comedy similar to Tropic Thunder.  Early on he dropped this when he realized that making an action movie constantly funny is extremely difficult.

I think that there were a few small parts in the movie where you could see the remenents of the original straight comedy script.  Sometimes it worked and added some well timed humor that makes a movie like this great.  Two or three times however the jokes fell flat and seemed cheesy. … which now that I think about it, would also be a staple of most 80’s action movies.

Also a staple of 80's action movies: Sexy Sax music

So as expected the non action parts had both good and bad dialog.  In fact I would say that the dialog from Mickey Rourke was excellent when Rourke’s character explained how the life he had led had destroyed his soul.  The polar opposite of this could be seen in Arnold’s dialog and lines in the church scene with Stallone and Rambo.

Dialog aside there is also the matter of the non action based sub plots.  Insert a crazy hot love interest.

Charisma Carpenter is soooooo hot... just google her playboy pics

This movie either needed to add more detail to this story or make it a lot shorter and more obvious.  As it played out on the screen it took up just enough time to kind of get interested, but not enough time for it to feel compelling.   These criticisms could also be leveled at the sub plot with Dolf Lungren who played a surprisingly larger role than I had anticipated.  His story involved him dealing with a drug problem, becomming a loose cannon and getting kicked off his team, struggling to find a place in the world, siding with some bad guys, turning on his life long friends, and finally getting redemption as he laid bloody and dieing.

Oh and he also uses the POWER OF GREYSKULL in a fight with Jet li

All of that took place in about 20 minutes of screen time, which means that all of this was rushed and it was hard to really care about “Gunner” as a character.

But who care, this is an action movie, and the actual action was very awesome.  Not the most awesome action ever, but they did do one thing very very well.  They gave each guy at least one big moment.  Even the bad guys had a moment like when Stone cold beat up Stalone.  Here’s my list of favorite kick ass moments.

  1. Cheeseberger Eddie/Terry Cruse mows down the bad guys with the automatic shot gun when his buddies are pinned down
  2. Jet Li and Stratham double team a minor boss (video game term that seems appropriate) and finish him by Jet breaking his neck with a viscous kick
  3. Stalone letting loose with full auto on his hand gun as he reloads with almost no pause
  4. Jet Li kicks the shit out of Dolph Drago
  5. Drago shakes off the ass whopping from Jet and tosses him around like a giant russian tossing around a tiny chinnaman
  6. Stratham and Stallone destroy the dock (I’d explain how this happened but it was too awesome for words… and kind of hard to explain quickly)

So lets wrap up this review by talking about the ending…. it kind of sucked.  All the good guys, and even quasi good guys lived, and had a knife throwing party.  One of the good guys should have died at the very least, or at the veryest leastest Lundgren should have died after he was shot right by the heart and told he was dying.

I give this move 8 out of 10 intimidating Bruce Willis Stares

Not That one

Ok closer

There you go

Predictions of Sons of Anarchy Season 3

When The shield started it’s seventh and final season, I was extremely excited when Sons of Anarchy premiered because I thought it would be a good replacement for my weekly anti hero drama fix.  For the most part, it is.  The one thing I do hate however is how many people love the show.  This is probably my biggest failing as a human being. I hate when a lot of people start loving something that I already discovered. Ok actually my unhealthy over eating, laziness, chronic masturbation, and poor hygiene are probably my biggest failings, but all of that is besides the point.

When the show first started I liked the idea of Jax having a tortured conflicted set of morals that were the echoed in the writings of his father’s memoirs.  As the show has gone on however, it almost seems like the show has moved away from Jax’s internal conflict and has instead just decided to try and appease the fans and feed their sentiment that Jax is totally bad ass.  So instead of him trying to amend his ways and be a better father the show seems preoccupied putting Jax in positions where he can look bad ass.

All of this is causing me to think Jax is kind of a douche bag and that in this season it would be great to see someone finally put him in his place.  I’m not sure if that is a prediction exactly but I think the writers have to get tired of Jax always coming out on top.  So with that being my general theme for the third season, I would also like to put forward some additional, more specific predictions.

Jax is unable to go after his child because of some legal something.

I think Jax and the rest of SAMCRO are still under investigation for the weapon charges they got when they went to that church and Henry Rollins fired off a shot.  Now Jax will have to either try and sneak out of the country (if you assume that IRA guy took the kid to Ireland), or rely on someone else to go after the kid in his place. Either way, Jax will have to struggle with not being able to go after his kid and will instead be forced to focus on club business.

The Club continues to struggle and blah blah blah

I don’t have any specific ideas on how they struggle from a financial position, and maybe that isn’t the concern this year.  Maybe they have money since Zobel is gone, but now have to fight to repair their reputation with the people they had been selling guns to.  My guess is that they bring in a new bad guy or group.  Maybe a rival white biker gang.  That way it’s not so racially charged.  Ohhhhhh how about a fanatical church group like those crazy bastards at the West Boro Baptist church.

Lem is awesome

Ok this is even less specific than the other stuff I’ve mentioned before, but Kenny Johnson is supposedly going to be a major player this season and he played Lem on The Shield.  Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe Lem could be the one to be the antagonist.  Like one of the other charters is beefing with the redwood originals and that is where the club’s conflict comes from.  Maybe all the other charters are pissed because the originals are bringing heat onto their entire club.

The chronic masturbator is shown more and then gets killed

I think that the writers were surprised with how much everyone liked that accountant with the masturbation problems and the two fingers.  I think they will play that up in this season, make you love him, and then kill him dramatically.  I don’t know exactly why they will do this, but probably will help establish the seriousness and evilness of whoever this years main protagonist is.

The Sheriff’s cancer turns terminal

I forget his name, but i’m sure you know who i’m talking about.  I don’t know if he’ll die this season or if his cancer will just get so bad that he isn’t able to be a major player in the show which forces the deputy to take even more of an active role than before.  This will be bitter sweet for most if not all the characters.  I think this will also force the deputy to change his approach since he realizes that the Sheriff wasn’t just being a lackey for SAMCRO but was also keeping order and peace by giving the bad guys just enough rope.

My Current Crushes

With every blog or other form of online diary/bulletin board I’ve ever had, I would invariably get to the point where I jot down a list of all my man crushes.  I think i’ll deviate from the norm and for once list all of the women I have a crush on.  Of course these aren’t real people (well technically they are real), but just celebs that if I was in college would have posters of them hanging in my room.  I also thought a good reason to jot this list down, would be to give anyone browsing my blog, a better understanding of some of the random women I reference from time to time.

Olivia Munn

Might as well start with my top choice…. you know if in some bizzare world I actually was allowed to choose who I could… you know… with the sex!?!?!!

look she's Ema Frost... you know, from the X-Men, duh, the telepath who is with Cyclops now that Jean Grey died after becommind the Phoenix

Olivia has the following things going for her: She’s hot and kind of Asiany, on the Daily Show, is supposedly a geek/nerd, doesn’t mind dressing up as hot comic book characters, seems funny in most of her interviews, is a published author.  Her only apparent  downside is lack of giant boobies.

in addition to looking hot, I think Olivia is also making fun of Asians or something

And with all the entries on this list, I will try to end it with an awesome Gif.

Alison Brie

If you ever watched community and you have a penis then you are in love with Alison Brie.  It’s science.

She’s adorably upbeat as Annie

She’s sexily uptight and old fashion as Bill Campbell’s wife in Mad Men, and slutily sluttastic in some online show in which THIS HAPPENED:

Rashida Jones

Rashida is probably the only one on this list who has more going for her than Olivia Munn.  Seriously, check out her Wikipedia page. It says stuff like she has near perfect memory, and is an accomplished singer.

She’s also hot, so there’s that as well.

Plus Rashida was awesome during her stint on the Office, was fantastic in I Love You Man, and is currently awesome in Parks and Recreation.

Couldn’t find a Gif so here’s this Funny or Die Clip.

Amber Heard

I honestly feel this chick could end up being the next Angelina Jolie.  I could make a cheap joke about Amber buying up a bunch of African kids in 10 years, but really what I mean is that Amber could do the Angelina thing where she gets naked a bunch early in her carrer doing small but good movies and then later on is still sexy but just does big time movies.

Although, I kind of hope she never gets any good roles like Angelina or she may be tempted to not get naked all the time.

Or sexily wet.


GIFSoup

Alice Eve

This is just a new chick I discovered a couple months ago when I started watching some movies I had been putting off for a while.

She was in She’s Out Of My League, which wasn’t really that spectacular and aside from her body, she wasn’t that spectacular either.

What was spectacular was her role in Crossing Over in which she got naked… and acted or something.  Maybe dramatically, I don’t know. I kind of kept drifting off after her nude scenes.

Oh yeah, and she’s supposed to play Emma Frost in the next X-Men movie, which as I should have noted above with the Olivia Munn Cos-play, Emma Frost is the sluttiest of the X-Men…. except for wolverine. Man has that guy gotten around. You know he totally banged she hulk right? right?!?!?


GIFSoup

Honorable Mentions:

Rachel Nichols ESPN

lucia micarelli

Ashley Greene

Asia Carrera

Stores Online

Right now I am relaxing at Atlanta Bread Company (a.k.a the poor man’s Panera) eating some frontier chicken chilli and listening to some clown at the table next to me try and sell some web service to a yuppie couple.  It sounds similar to the Stores Online presentation I went to a couple years back.

this is an image from the store online website.

For those who don’t know, which is hopefully most of you, Stores Online is a company that offers quick, simple, and easy to set up ecoomerce websites.  Here’s how it works from the perspective of the person who has always dreamed of running an online business:

  1. You sign up – Pay Stores Online (it’s not free)
  2. Look through the list of website tonight supported vendors
  3. Decide what you want to sell
  4. Use the simple template driven Website creation tool
  5. Use the simple software to load all the products you wish to sell onto your site
  6. Sign up – pay, for the supported Merchant Account
  7. Market your site with SEO (search engine optimization), and other methods
  8. ???
  9. Profit
  10. Buy tons and tons of hookers and cocaine

Yep I  threw in a South Park reference.

Here’s the thing; while the nuts and bolts of what they say they offer are true (easy to set up, large list of vendors, etc..), the likelyhood of sucess and income potential are very over inflated.  It’s like when you watch a commercial for Stacker Two or Hydroxy Cut and the voice over says in an enthusiastic shout “Just look at these atypical results”.  People hear that and think “oh these are the typical results and according to this commercial it is likely i will have the exact same results.”  The commercial is actually counting on the viewer not knowing that the word “atypical” means “not typical”.

These get rich quick websites also pray on the ignorance of their targets by going after people who don’t have a large amount of knowledge of the internet and how ecommerce works.  The biggest of these ignorances is the amount of effort that is involved in running and maintaining a website, even as simple as the one being advertised.

As I continue to listen to this sales pitch I hear the sales person using several familiar tactics:

  • Rhetorical questions
  • Unfair comparisons
  • Sucess stories
  • Misleading or inacurate math
  • No pressure but time sensitive

I would continue to bitch about this guy’s presentation, but to be fair, I can’t hear the name of the site or service he’s selling.  But I do know StoresOnline so I went there and I found this page with Customer Testimonials:

All of those customers look like stock photos.

I decided to take a closer look at that last listing there for MtHealthy.com so I clicked on the link which gave me this page.

hahahahahahha

Ok, to be fair the domain mthealthy.com seams to be doing fine and this seems to just be a problem with them linking to mhealthy.com (notice the lack of a “t”) by accident.  Either way this was funny to me. I also looked at a bunch of the other sites and I really think that the pictures and write up are completely unrelated to the sites.

I’m half tempted to ask the guy the name of the site as he and the yuppies head out, but I think it probably would have came across poorly if I had.  Oh wait, it’s not a couple. It’s one person as the buyer and then a sales person and some random hot chick he’s using as bait for the customer. Well played sir.