My Top Holy Sh!t TV Moments.

Below I have listed the top moments in MY television viewing history that made me say “Holy Shit” out loud.  Or at least something very similar to it.  From here on out i’m going to refer to this as a HSM.

By the way, there are going to be SPOILERS in this post so be warned.

ER – My First HSM

I have no idea if this is actually the first time I ever watched TV and then yelled out “Holy Shit”. In fact the first time was probably when I was watching scrambled porn and the picture came in focus for a split second and I a huge cock slapped against a woman’s face.  For argument’s sake, lets just say this was the first time I watched a prime time show in which something so shocking happened that I was left dumbfounded.

In season 3 of ER (I have no idea what season it was since I don’t care enough to look on IMDB) Dr. Carter gets a black friend Gant who is also a surgical intern underneath Peter Benton (a.k.a SOOOUUUULLL GLLLLOOOWWWW for all you coming to America fans)


Next week I will write a deconstruction on the evolution of Eriq La Salle’s hair

Peter was riding Carter and Gant pretty hard all year since that was what all surgeon’s in the ER universe did to their underlings. (except for the semi attractive pediatric surgeon who thought sleeping with Carter was the best way to inspire him)

… inspire his boner maybe teeheeheehee

So Gant is starting to slack cause it seems he can’t handle the pressure of the job, and is on call in the ER when a trauma victim comes in who had just got hit by the L train.  Gant doesn’t answer his page so Carter and Benton go down to do their thing.  When the guy comes in, it’s pretty obvious they can’t save him so they are just going through the motions, until they notice the victims pager keeps going off and the message is for Doctor Gant. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT

After Benton lets Gant die, Dr House brings him back to life or something. God I hate House

Gant is the guy who got hit by the train, and probably got his cause he was either exhausted from work and fell or was depressed from work and jumped.  I just remember feeling a chill cause I never saw this coming.  I don’t know if there was a lot of foreshadowing to this event, but if there was I was either too young and naive or too young and stupid to notice.  Either way, this scene blew my mind.

Breaking Bad – My most recent HSM

So do you watch Breaking Bad? If not then FUCK YOU. Sorry, that was over the top, but yeah you should totally watch it. It’s good. Actually it’s one of the few shows I can say, continually builds in it’s goodness from episode to episode from season to season continually raising the bar.  That being said the show is pretty straight forward and there’s not a whole lot of twists and turns.  The main character is pretty straight laced so, like him, most of the actions on the show are well planed and thought out.  In fact all of the brash actions that are taken in the show are usually done by people other than the main character Walt, the Nobel prize winning chemist/high school teacher/Meth Cooker.

Then I saw the second to last episode of the third season in which Jesse, Walt’s one time meth head and current cooking partner, is getting ready to kill a couple of drug dealers that had a year earlier gotten a kid to kill one of his friends and just recently killed the kid that had done the shooting for them.  The kid turned out to be the brother of Jesse’s new girlfriend, and his death had sent Jesse over the edge.

pictured: Jesse Pinkman and his crazy eyes

So Jesse does his usual irrational/emotional thing and takes a gun and goes after the two drug dealers.  As Jesse is walking in slow motion towards the bad guys (slow motion is the best way to walk when holding a gun) they seem him and start to pull their guns for a nice old fashion shoot out that Jesse probably sucks at compared to these real drug dealers. Before any slow motion shots are fired, the scene switches back to normal speed as you see an pontiac Aztec plow through the two bad guys. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.

Anyone who has seen the show knows this is Walt’s car, and that he has a broken windshield fetish that is insatiable.  This was shocking, but what really made me say holy shit was Walt walking over to one of the drug dealers who was crawling painfully to his gun, grabbing his the dealers gun, and then shooting him in the face, before telling Jesse to run.

To understand why this moment was shocking you really have to watch the whole series to see how measured Walt was in all of his actions.  In fact if Walt had just let Jesse get killed it probably would have been better for everyone including Walt.  Actually, the whole episode was filled with great scenes that show why it may be the best show on TV right now.

The Shield – Almost an entire show of HSM

The Shield is the first show I ever watched from the very first episode through to the very last episode, never missing an episode when it first aired on TV.  I always made time for it and didn’t rely on viewing it later online or on DVD.  I don’t know if there’s any show that I could get this amped up about today.  One of the reasons it was so great is that it was constantly out doing itself in shocking moments.

Even the first episode ended with a WTF HSM ending when Vick shot Detective Terry Crowley.  They never hinted at this, even when they did the list of actors in the credits at the beginning of the show’s first episode, listing him as one of the regular actors.  I could point to a dozen more moments, like Shane killing Lem, Shane killing himself, Acevada’s BJ, Lem burning the money train money, Dutch exposing the serial killer, etc…

there's no way i was going to throw in david acevada giving a blowie

With all the HSM in the show, the two most surprising moments were the two times did the least surprising thing possible, or more correctly were forced into an unshocking moment.   The first moment was when Shane basically gave up while his attempted murder accomplice was being interrogated by Vic and Dutch.  Up until that point Vic and his crew would always fins some way of either getting out of an unwinnable situation or that very least delay whatever possible bad stuff was headed their way.  In this scene Shane knows that he’s about to be found out as an attempted cop killer, and he quietly slips out of the Barn, never to come back.

"Shit, now i can't play on the Farmington Police softball team this year"

The other shocking moment to me, was when Vic finally confessed all his sins to the FBI in exchange for immunity. This was shocking cause we finally got to hear Vic almost, kind of, a little bit, suggest that he was wrong/evil/guilty.  Just like the Shane leaving the barn moment, I was shocked since Vic had always fought any urge to clear his sole and confess his sins, although truthfully he didn’t seem that remorseful and he was only doing it to save himself and his wife while at the same time burning the ever loyal Ronnie.

Like many of the moments on the list, you only get the full affect if you watch the series up to this point (although since this is the second to last episode why wouldn’t you just watch one more to complete the series)

The Wire – Get on with it Mother HSM

I’ll keep this one short since most of these other entries have been pretty long, and this one is simple.  It has been scientifically proven that The Wire is the best TV show in history.  Science has also proven empirically that String Bell is one of the most interesting and creative character on TV ever.  In fact the idea of a business savy smart black drug king pin had never been seen before. (that might not actually be a fact, but I had never seen a drug dealer portrait in any way other than a stereotype).

Not many people remember the Wire/Office crossover where String Bell uses Dunder Mifflin as a front for his Heroin operation

So you spend three seasons building up a character so much so that he seems indispensable to the show and then he gets cornered in one of his buildings being renovated by Brother Mazone and Omar little.  While watching it you knew that Stringer had to die and that there was no way out, but it was hard to believe that the show would kill off such a central figure. Then BAM HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.

Doesn’t the part where he says “I ain’t strapped” remind you of Clint Eastwood playing William Munney in Unforgiven when he’s sick and confronted by little bill in the bar? No? oh ok, never mind then.  Still you got to love String taking control of the situation and telling them to get on with it.

24 – Jack Bauer Diamon Cutter

This is how Jack Bauer leaves his house for work every morning.

I think it was season two or three, Jack was in the the LA coliseum where the Trojan’s play and was fighting some goon in one of the seating area entrances.  Jack was all messed up from having died earlier that day as he often does when saving the world.  Even though he was hurt Jack was still man enough to kill the henchmen in the coolest way possible.

That’s right, you just saw jack put the guy in a head lock, then the guy tries to slam jack into the wall, jack counter’s by keeping him in a headlock and using the momentum to walk the wall and using the downward force to snap the guys neck.

Honorable mention on this show should also go to the episode where Jack Bauer shot Curtis.  This isn’t an honorable mention just because Jack shot someone as awesome as Curtis, (even though that was kind of shocking).  It’s an honorable mention cause in this episode Jack also gives up and weapely quits, and then a nuclear bomb actually goes off in Cali.

24 – Cerano “strikes out”

Much Like Stringer Bell getting killed in the Wire, I was shocked when they killed David Palmer since he was such an integral and loved character.  The added WTF aspect to this death is that no one saw it comming. So it would have been like if Dr. Carter and Dr. Benton had found a pager on the guy hit by the L train and it turned out to be a secret code the drug dealers in Baltimore used, which meant it was stringer bell who got killed …. by Walt from breaking bad.

actually it really wasn't that mind blowing... but that scenario would be all kinds of crazy awesome.

Lost – 1st Flash Forward

Ok this one shouldn’t count since I in no way said holy shit or was even surprised when it turned out that the last episode of season 3 of lost was featuring a flash forward in their character development scenes that ran through each episode of lost.  In fact fairly early on in this episode I did kind of guess that it was a flash forward since I’m awesome at guessing that kind of stuff.

Even though I knew what was going on (and Jack for some reason tells people to go visit his father in his office?!?!?? wtf) it was still an excellent episode, and excellent twist, and kind of encapsulated what made Lost at times so great. (yes the show also sucked balls at other times).

You know what really would have been a Holy Shit Moment in Lost?  If they would have actually revealed the answer to ALL of the mysteries during the final episode.  Of course that probably would have created the following effect to most Losties:

This also happens when intellegent people watch MTV for more than 2 straight hours

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