I use to keep a wordpress blog several years ago, and at the time I thoroughly enjoyed updating it on a near daily basis. Then, like most things I do in my life, I lost interest in it and just gave up. I’d like to take the time right now to explain that my life was just too crazy and exciting to keep up with a daily blog, but that would be a bold face lie that anyone who knows me could see right through.
So why am I starting a blog again? There are several reason. Number one: boredom
Number two: It is good practice for the other writing I would like to do.
Ok so there are only two reason, but at least they are both valid. Number one is depressingly/especially valid, but let’s focus on number two. Right now there are three writing projects that I’ve committed myself to. The first project is to eliminate my use of prepositions at the end of sentences. HAHA no i’m just kidding. I’m a terrible writer and will probably always do that.
My first writing project is a spec script for TV. I love TV in much the same way fat guys love …TV, so it seems natural for me to want to write something for that format. I have a rough idea of what I would like the show to be about, but I hesitate to explain it cause it will surely sound stupid and moronic. But this is my blog so who cares.
I want to write a detective series staring a private detective who wants to be a legitimate Hollywood actor, but in the mean time has to pay the bills by doing porn. Yep. there it is. That’s my idea. Go ahead and just let that soak in, and try and think of way that it could even have a remote chance of working. Yes it would be a long shot, but as a comedy the idea of Monk with a large dick is appealing to me. Shit, I really should reword that last sentence.
For that show to have any chance it would have to be on a channel like Showtime, Starz, or HBO, plus it would have to only dwell on porn topics fleetingly. There would also have to be one or more on going narratives spanning the entire season or series. The obvious ongoing plot lines that I can think of are the characters ongoing struggle to make it as an actor and land a real role in either a TV show or movie. His part time’s professions impact on his love life and the possible search for someone who is ok with his adult career. Each season could have one large, very difficult case that takes the entire season to complete/solve, much in the way burn notice divides up each episodes time between the weekly exploits and the season long quest.
I also like the idea that some of the weekly mysteries solved by the actor/detective/porno star are figured out in part to revelations he has while on the set of his pornos. For instance he could be doing one of those internet scenes where he sticks his manhood through a hole in a pizza box and offers a lovely lady a large pizza with extra sausage. Then he has an epiphany that blah blah blah was the criminal cause something something vegan whatever. So that’s the first thing I would like to write.
The second thing I would like to write is a sci-fi novel. Basically it would be one of those first contact with aliens kind of books. I’m not even sure if it would be that unique of a book, although I’d like to think that i’m the only one to write about an invasion by aliens where the alien’s themselves never actually come to our planet.
At this point I’ve written 60 pages, without a lot of prose in an effort to more or less, just get a storyline on paper. I have a general idea of what the plot is or could be but i’m not set on any specific outcome or series of events. I’m just writing each chapter and then letting the events of the story so far, point me in the next direction for the subsequent chapters. I have no idea if this will work and in all likelyhood I could just write myself into a corner. Thankfully I can always toss in a duce ex machina with a sci fi twist and i should be fine.
The third and final thing I want to write in the somewhat near future is a novel involving a bunch of con-men. I don’t know how many books there are that would fall under this catagory, but there’s a shit ton of movies (Ocean’s 11-13, The Score, The Sting, not to mention The Hustle on BBC television). I’ve already outlined this story including all of it’s twists and turns and double crosses and surprise endings, but I haven’t really started to write it yet, and there’s a good reason for that: it’s too hard.
Seriously, I don’t think I’m a good enough writer yet to author something as ambitious as what I picture that novel as a finished product. That’s the main reason I started working on the first two ideas. the porno detective spec script is easiest and completely in my wheel house as far as the combination of comedy and porn. The second idea, is harder than the first since it would be a full length novel, but it would be easier since it wouldn’t need to be a serious, or realistic, or grounded, or edgy. I could write it as just another sci fi book and be completely happy with it.
I figure that by the time I finish the other two projects, I might feel comfortable enough to dive fully into the con man novel.
So in summation, I’ll probably give up on all of these projects 3 months from now when I loose interest like I always do.
In the meantime I plan on updating this blog fairly often. My goal is to talk about… whatever. I’ll write sometimes about how my writing is going. Other times i’ll write about TV shows that interest me, especially when there are things that captivate my interest at the moment. Movie reviews, details of my poker sessions at the local casino, crazy shit and funny shit i find on the internet, and basically whatever else is on my mind.
Feel free to comment, but honestly, I’m probably going to be the only one reading this so I have no idea why I would be commenting on my own stuff.