Cracked.com is one of the greates websites on the internet today, specifically in the snarky intelligent nerd humor category. Today they posted an article about the worst super hero husbands and the entries on Hank Pym and Hawkeye have a lot of detail in them that kind of mesh up with what I was saying the other day about my ideas for the avenger’s movie. So go to the following website and read about how Spider Man sold out his marriage to the devil, Cyclops mentally cheated on his wife, and Mister Fantastic is a physically abuse misogynist.
I saw a bunch of movies recently so I thought I’d give my impression of them.
This is my kind of story. It has drama, intrigue, twists, turns, a hot milf pleasuring herself in the shower, a hot teenage escort getting naked, a hot milf on escort girl on girl scene, more hot teenage boning. Like I said, it has virtually everything I look for in a movie. Well a movie that I will download and watch by myself, that is. I doubt I would have gone to see this in the theater.
Here’s a quick recap of the premise. Julian Moore is getting old and thinks her Husband is cheating on her so she hires a call girl to try to seduce him to find out. Then the call girl kind of gets obsessed, and all hell breaks loose. Acting was good, pacing was good, no obvious plot holes, decent surprises, and lots of sexy times.
In short, I give it 7 out of 10 stars (that’s right i was going to make unique rating systems.) I give it 7 out of 10 high class hookers.
Toy Story 3
I should mention that I downloaded the 3D version of this, which means that I watched a blurry version of it since i didn’t have the special glasses. In this installment Pixar goes back to the well with the whole Andy is growing too old for his toys premise, but this time Andy is actually going to college so the movie also has that whole finalistic feel to it. (nope, that’s not a word, but i don’t know a word to put in it’s place)
Since Andy is going away to College his mom makes the logical decision to completely empty out his room since no college kid has to come back home during thanksgiving, Christmas, or the summer. Part of that process means that he needs to get rid of his toys…. which he still has despite being 17. So the toys are accidentally sent to a day care center and then there’s evil toys and then Woody has to try and save the day and blah blah blah.
A lot of people have said that they were crying at certain parts of the movie cause it’s emotional and I guess it would be hard not to be based on the fact that the entire movie franchise is about the loss of child like innocence. Still, I totally didn’t cry, and since I watched this movie by myself, there’s really no proof to the contrary.
I give this movie 8 out of 10 Barbie Dream Houses.
This was a fun action movie which put a new twist on the Predator series. Instead of the predators coming to Earth to hunt, they instead capture a bunch of the earth’s top bad asses and bring them to a game preserve they set up on another planet. There are three predators in this movie and I think 8 humans. There’s a hot sniper chick, a yakuza gangster, a Russian soldier with a mini gun, Shane Vendrel as a prison convict, a doctor ?!?!??!, an african war lord guy, a former special ops mercenary, and Danny Trejo.
So fight fight fight, kill kill kill, human’s get picked off one by one with surprisingly the most important human’s being saved for last. The final battle has that standard human’s can actually be awesomely bad ass without guns when we use our wits and set up ridiculously complex woodsy traps that should have taken way to long to erect. I like how this movie toys with the idea of what it means to be human and has it conflict it with each individuals instincts for self preservation.
I give this movie 7 out of 10 red triangle laser sights.
Percy Jackson the Lightning Thief.
I didn’t have any ambition to watch this movie, but I was at Rocco’s house and he was watching it, and he’s bigger than me so I couldn’t steal the remote. Harry Potter V 2.0 isn’t that bad. Look, it’s basically just like every other made for pre to early teen movie based on a book right now. The boy is kind of a looser, and has a best friend who is also kind of a looser. There’s a chick that may or may not be a love interest but she is totally not like most other girls cause she tries supper hard to be better than the boys. Then the boy learns that he is special and through virtually no hard work or effort he becomes awesome and kind of envied. Then the boy, his friend, and the chick disregard authority and put themselves in mortal danger against enemies that are strangely powerful enough to own the adults who are supposed to be in charge of the kids well being, but are fairly easily beaten by the kids who have no experience or real world training.
The highlight of the movie was this:
This is Roasrio Dawson playing Perciphony who the movie basically explains as being Hades sex slave. At one point Perciphony helps the young heros but only if she gets to keep Percy’s bff for some statutory rapey good times. Technically I don’t know how old Percy’s best friend in the movie is since he’s half goat, but they really seemed to be tip toeing around the fact that Perciphony is a horny slut that just wants to bang one of every type of creature in the world, and that the goat man totally wants to do it, but is also probably too young in the eyes of the law.
Anyways, this is a kids movie so no real people die, everyone is happy at the end, and Percy is now in a school with people that accepts him as one of his own. I still think a better story for kids would be one where the outcast actually gets ahead in his life by actually working hard since he is completly normal and then just accepts that he’s different and realizes the people at his school who doesn’t like him are assholes and only represent a small percentage of people… but whatever, this is a review of Percy Jackson.
I give it 6 out of 10 Awesomely Hot Rosario Dawsons.
There are two excellent series on Funny or Die: Drunk History and Between two Ferns. I wrote wwwwwwaaaaayyyy too much last night so I’m not even going to introduce these videos. (although if you never saw any of the other between two ferns you should watch a couple first so that you understand the premise before watching the Steve Carrel one)
As many of you know, I am currently working on a spec script for a TV detective series geared towards a network like HBO or Showtime. (also, I know there’s not many of you, or anyone actually, I just like that phrase. ) Most shows on cable run between 10 and 14 episodes. Unlike most detective shows, I didn’t want to make the protagonist solve a murder every week.
Instead I wanted him to have to solve mysteries that an average private detective might actually work. In truth most of the work a real detective does, wouldn’t really qualify as “Solving Mysteries”. They mostly do stuff like watch people to see if they are cheating on a spouse, faking a workman’s comp claim, lying about an insurance claim, or sometimes doing some process serving.
So below I have listed a rough outline of what I envision a 10 episode first season story arch could involve. Obviously as the protagonist gets better at his job and more comfortable in the world of a detective, he would work harder and more exciting cases.
I also think that each episode should have 3 main parts. The first part is that weeks case, which should be completed in that episode. The second part should be scenes that address the main character as well as supporting character’s quests to forward their agendas, whatever they may be. One person might be struggling to pay bills, another one is trying to become famous, another one trying to finish school, and maybe one trying to be a good father. I’m not going to address those things now since I’m not sure who all the characters will be yet.
The final part of each episode, which doesn’t have to take place at the end of the episode, will be the hero’s ongoing season long quest to solve one big mystery. The more I think about this, the more it reminds me of what they basically do every week on Burn Notice. Michael, Hot Chick, and Bruce “Ash” Campbell, help out some looser who can’t stand up for himself and then at the end they do another mission to help them get one step closer (but not really) to getting Michael unburned or whatever he’s trying to do now.
The following pic is long, but totally worth it:
ok so with that out of the way, here’s my ideas.
Episode 1: Blackmail
Rod (the protagonist) accidentally signs up for a community college course on becoming a licensed private investigator. For whatever reason I decide on later, he stays in the class and decides to try a case or two. Rod doesn’t know where to go to get a case so he asks the instructor who says that he is too busy with other cases right now to work all of them, so he gives him one that he says should be easy and too boring for his tastes. (I want the instructor/PI to become a mentor to Rod throughout the season)
Rod is hired by a wealthy, but cheap, business man who is being black mailed. The business man wants Rod to find the person who is black mailing him, since he won’t pay the black mailer on principle. Rod Tracks down the blackmailer and finds some dirt on him, and exchanges that for the information he has on the business man. The business man is crazy happy and pays a bonus to Rod for his excellent work.
The next evening Rod is stunned when he finds out that the Blackmailer committed suicide. Rod knows something is not right.
Episode 2: Cheating Husband
Rod goes back to his mentor, who i’m just going to call Jim for the hell of it. Jim gives Rod some more work, but before Rod leaves, he pauses and Jim knows that Rod wants to ask him about the suicide. Jim says something cryptic about the dark side of the job and your clients, and that most people who hire a PI probably have something they want to hide themselves. Rod’s new assignment is to tail a husband and see if he’s cheating on his wife.
The wife who hired Rod is worried that her husband is being unfaithful since he’s been acting strange lately and she thinks he’s starting to get bored with her as they approach their 10 year anniversary. In a nice twist it turns out that the husband is actually sneaking around behind her back because he’s doing something super nice for their anniversary. Maybe have a little humor where Rod doesn’t get paid since he didn’t find any evidence of cheating.
Have Rod discuss the case with one of his friends (not Jim) and reveal that Rod figured out that the wife that hired him was actually having an affair and that was the main reason she wanted proof of her husband so she could leave him for the other guy but still get his money or something to that affect. These doubts about the motives of the people who hire him, makes him think to look into the suicide of the blackmailer from episode 1 who i should come up with a name for. Have episode end with Rod going to visit the widow of Henry the blackmailer.
Episode 3: Workman’s Comp
Rod goes to Jim for more work and Jim says he has two jobs available, the first is the recovery of all emails and encrypted information belonging to a recently deceased banker, or investigating a workman’s comp claim. Rod has no idea how to do the other stuff so he goes with the workman’s comp claim. Rod several times in the episode will initially seem to catch the comp guy in the act of doing something he shouldn’t be able to do, only to find out that he’s wrong. Finally Rod calls in a friend, who is a con man, to help him expose the workman’s comp guy as a fraud.
Have Rod feel a little bad since “some big corporation” won’t have to pay out benefits, then let Rod find out that the claim was going against a small family owned business that would have went under if the claim had been paid out.
Rod continues to investigate the suicide and finds out that Henry had bought a plain ticket earlier that day and had his bag packed. This is supposed to hint that he at the very least wasn’t planing to kill himself when he did those two things. (Not sure, but maybe have Rod discover it, by finding some sort of receipt that changed the plane ticket originally purchased for Henry and his wife, and now it’s just for her set a couple weeks later.)
Episode 4: Car Theft
Rod’s been doing well, and as a result he has finally had enough money to finish some of the restoration work he was having done to his 69 Cuda. Well, the car gets stolen, and Rod goes to Jim for some help since the police don’t seem to care all that much. Jim is out of town investigating a celebrity something who knows. Rod has to turn to the only person he knows who would know enough about the world of auto mechanics that might be able to help him; his dad.
His dad is an auto mechanic who owns a garage, and maybe there’s some daddy issues, or rod always hated how much work his dad had to do over the years just to squeak by. (btw, Rod had his car repainted which is something his dad doesn’t do and instead referred Rod to a good place, so don’t worry that rod was a dick and didn’t have his dad’s shop do the work on the Cuda).
Rod and his dad find out that the Cuda was stolen after the paint shop tipped off a chop shop in order to get a kick back. Have Rod work with the police who didn’t care before as well as the paint shop to set up a sting on the chop shop. This will help Rod down the line now that he has a cop buddy, who will hopefully feed him some work from time to time.
Rod is at an impasse with his personal investigation into Henry the blackmailer’s possible murder. He goes to the widow’s house to apologize and admit that he might have been wrong and that he’s giving up, but then he sees the business man leaving the house that was the target of the blackmail. Rod tails the Business man who heads to a private air field and boards a private jet. Rod then notices one of the ground crew loads up a piece of luggage that Rod recognizes as Henry’s luggage.
Episode 5: Missing Person
A woman is referred to Rod by that police man from the last episode. The woman’s daughter ran away a couple years ago. The daughter was 18 at the time, and the police at the time didn’t suspect foul play and couldn’t really pursue it a whole lot. The woman is broken up by the whole thing and just wants to know that her girl is alright and wants to see her again.
Rod takes the case, and it should probably be pointed out that he also discovers that Henry’s Widow… Dorothy?!?!? is also missing at this point, at least from what he can tell. (she’s not home, and car is there, and she never took the flight she had a ticket for that rod saw earlier) Rod talks to some of the missing girls old friends and scouts them to see if any of them still make contact with her. blah blah blah, Rod finds her.
The twist is that she is doing great now that she is away from her mother, who the daughter reveals wasn’t that good of a mother. I’m not sure where to go with this. Maybe the mother was abusive, maybe the stepfather was abusive and mother just ignored it, maybe it could be something more subtle than that like the mother always put the kid down and tried to stifle her. No matter what the scenario is, it’s clear to Rod that the daughter is and would continue to do better if the mother is kept in the dark.
So now it gets tricky, what does Rod do? I’m thinking he literally tells her he can’t find her, and returns her advance or something. While he does that he also hints that she is doing well and offers the mom some advice. If i go with the scenario that it’s an abusive stepfather then maybe Rod could slip her some literature on shelters for abused women or something. Man that seems very direct and obvious, but i’m sure there’s a subtle way of putting it out there that if the mother wants to get away from the husband the daughter will be there to support her. (just spit balling here, maybe the daughter runs one of those types of shelters out in, what ever other place she now lives and if the mother takes up the offer she’ll be away from the bad husband/dad and be back with her daughter)
Rod tracks down the flight information on the private plane the business man took, and it turns out it was headed to the same place Henry’s widow was originally heading on that ticket of hers.
Episode 6: Stolen Property
Rod goes to Jim to find out what he has for him this week, and Jim says nothing. Rod wasn’t prepared for this but probably should have since it wasn’t reasonable to expect Jim to just always have a job waiting for him. Jim gives Rod some advice on getting new clients, and the most important of which is networking your friends and family. Maybe cue up a montage of him asking all of the people he knows if they need any detective work, and then end with his dad replying just like everyone else did “no.” then have him think for a moment and go, oh wait, yeah, actually I do. Then his dad points him towards some person he knows who had something stolen.
Since the last episode might have been kind of heavy in terms of emotions and drama, this one should be more light hearted. Maybe have the stolen item be some type of trophy (bowling trophy perhaps??!?!?) and Rod has to go under cover on the team that came in second to try and figure out who on that team did the stealing. Obviously it would be too easy if it was any of those people so give them each an alibi, and then move on to other suspects.
Finding a bowling trophy, probably shouldn’t really be a big deal so I think we need to up the stakes by having something very valuable hidden in the trophy be the real reason it was stolen. Maybe this could be something where a drug smuggler, or diamond smuggler was using the trophies to ship product and one accidentally got sold to the bowling league, then bad guy snuck in and took it back. Ummmmm use this as another opportunity for Rod to make friends with more cops or DEA or whoever handles stuff like diamonds.
Rod continues to investigate Henry the Blackmailer’s suicide and drops by the business man’s estate knowing full well he’s not going to be there. Maybe it shouldn’t be a huge estate or anything, just a really nice place. Anyways, while he’s there he meets with the business man’s wife who the business man wanted to keep in the dark regarding the black mail attempt. Something is unsettling about the wife, and she some how reveals (not on purpose) that she knew about whatever the black mail was about (husband cheating maybe?)
Maybe, juuuussstttt maybe the business man’s wife has something that links her to the missing widow who I think I named Dorothy. This could be something subtle like a somewhat unique hair clip, or locket, or who knows. Maybe earrings.
Episode 7: Counterfeit Chips
Rod goes undercover as a baggage handler or a TSA agent at that small airfield where he is expecting The businessman (who also needs a name…. Ted) to arrive at. Maybe Rod uses his connection he gained from the bowling trophy case to make this happen. Rod uses this opportunity to inspect the luggage of the returning Ted, especially the case that was Henry’s. During inspection, Rod sees that the luggage is of very fine quality and has a somewhat hidden compartment that is empty. In fact everything in the bag is the same as when Rod saw it in Henry’s house and he only now noticing that the clothing and other belongings in it are those of a wealthy man.
Rod is confused but move’s on to this weeks case, in-which he has to find out who is manufacturing counterfeit poker chips being used at one of the Cali Casinos. The casino isn’t getting the police involved at this moment because whoever is doing it is only doing it in very small amounts. It’s better for the casinos to loose this small amount than call in the cops and basically announce to everyone that it’s possible to cheat them if you know how to work with clay and have experience with photo shop.
The chips are fairly good knock offs, but they are only made of clay instead of a clay composite like real chips and therefore more brittle. Plus the center sticker is easily removed since it’s not a vinyl well secured material. Rod tracks down the source of the clay the forger is using in his one dollar chips since it’s an odd shade of white that isn’t popular. Rod meets the clay supplier, who won’t reveal his list of clients, but rod finds them any ways and actually eliminates them as potential forgers since none have pressurized ovens needed when making chips.
Rod then realizes it’s the kindly old clay maker who is doing the forging and as it turns out it cause he is basically broke and uses the money to supplement his income since most of the money his shop makes goes to his small staff of one or two college students. Soooooo lets have a happy ending and have the casino offer to buy a bunch of his chips, that are clearly different and marked as no cash value, that the casino can then sell as cheap souvenirs in their gift shops. Of course in return the old forger can never let anyone know how easy it would be to rip off the casino with some higher value chips.
Rod reviews the information on his first case and starts to wonder if that wasn’t the first time that the business man Ted was blackmailed. Or better yet, lets say that Rod is trying to figure out why Henry had Ted’s suitcase presumably before he blackmailed him. Rod now starts to dig heavy into the travels the business man did prior to the black mail incident in hopes of finding how Henry might have gotten a hold of that luggage.
Rod uses his part time gig at the TSA and his buddy from the Diamond trophy case to review tapes from flights Ted took. As he looks through them he finds one of the videos that shows Ted and his wife arriving back in town and the wife dragging Ted along to a cinnabun or something before garbing their bags. Ted looks anxious like he doesn’t have time for that. Then another video at the same time at the baggage carousel shows someone grabbing the recognizable case of Ted’s and it’s not Henry, but Dorothy, Henry’s Wife. (Also, there needs to be something about the luggage that is makes it unique and easily recognizable)
Episode 8: Intellectual Property
Rod goes to Jim to ask for advice on the Henry the Blackmail murder stolen luggage case. Jim asks Rod, why he is going after this case so hard, and Rod gives some kind of explanation such as his guilt over Henry’s suicide and or murder and how Rod might be partially to blame. Plus the more he looks into the people surrounding the case, the less he likes what he sees and he wonders if Henry might have been the most honest of them all. Jim gives some advice and relates it back to his most impressive and hardest case. He tells him about the case and even points out a plaque or something in his office that has some awesome headline, and jim explains that one big case can set you up for life as a detective.
Almost on cue someone shows up looking for Jim. It turns out it is someone Ted knows from his part time job and he is forced to pretend he doesn’t know her as she hopefully will also follow through on the same charade. She does but clearly is getting a kick out of it, and asks Jim if his deputy investigator can handle her case, which he can i guess. In her line of business she is use to dealing with a lot of piracy of her production companies DVDs and online content. It’s part of the business, and in truth there’s a certain amount that you just live with, especially if the movie being pirated on a file sharing site is several years old and it’s not even like copies aren’t being made any more.
Her problem is that several of her most recent DVDs and Online releases have appeared on several Porn versions of Youtube prior to their release. This has killed her pre ordering and initial sales, which are critical to her companies success. She’s already put in measures to ensure no one leaves the office with any media devices, and has also monitored all of the data being uploaded from their servers. As the episode goes on, it should become apparent that Rod is way over his head with all the computer stuff and is basically just ridding shot gun as the chick does all the real detective work.
Rod tries to learn how to do this stuff on his own, and tries to download some torrents and other stuff to his home PC and immediately gets a virus. While Rod and hot chick work on his PC they do a little back and forth dialog where they work out a theory on how the movies are getting released on those sites, and specifically how they are leaving the production offices. The reason they never saw any one large file containing the movie, or a string of files all going to the same place is because whoever is stealing it is breaking up the movies into small pieces all with innocent sounding names that are unrelated, and uploading them to a variety of file sharing sites.
Maybe have part of the companies preventative measures be having a team that spends time uploading false files to discourage downloaders who are looking for something copyrighted of theirs. Sooo hot chick and Rod figure this out and find the culprit who confesses that she is being paid by one of the rival movie producers to do this so that the his sites and movies are the only ones people actually need to pay for. And now Rod has a friend who knows shit about computers, who can help him down the road.
Rod does the real detective thing and looks through all the public documents on Ted, Dorothy, Henry, and Ted’s wife….. Samantha?!?!?!. So he finds the will that is on record for Ted which basically says that when he dies, almost all of his assets will go to his alma mater and several other charities. There’s also a prenup that says if there’s a divorce for any reason, there will be no alimony, and not an equal split of money. So Samantha stands to get nothing if she either left Ted or he ever died.
Episode 9: Another Stolen Car
Start out episode with Rod thinking his car was stolen again, but then comediclly realizing it was just behind a big van that pulls away. He says he doesn’t want to work another stolen car case, and minutes later he’s talking with another co worker who has just found out her bright pink Mercedes was stolen. This co worker chick knows that Rod is a private I since she works with the other hot chick who knows computers and worked with Rod on his last case. This chick makes some kind of deal Rod can’t refuse and reluctantly takes the case.
Rod talks with that one cop from before to try and find a list of some of the chop shops in order to scope them out. This turns up nothing, but a bunch of evidence the cop can use in a future case but that doesn’t help Rod at all. Rod starts to go through a list of all of this chicks enemies which is surprisingly long in a montage kind of way. (btw all the enemies are other hot chicks, and maybe one random dude in there, who he and rod can have a bitch session with) Rod accompanies this chick to a publicity event where she meets fans, and one of them seems overly infatuated, and even asks for a locket of hair or something. (Maybe have something subtle that the guy has that would have been in her car that would also be NO wait.) It’s a chick and she has the same purse as the hot chick with the missing car, but Rod figures out that it’s actually the hot chick and that she stole the car cause she’s crazy obsessed.
The whole chick being in love with another chick makes Rod decide to follow Samantha, Ted’s wife and tails her and finds her rendezvousing with Dorothy in some out of the way place and it’s clear that they are together, and then Rod snoopes around and uses binoculars or high powered camera to look in the window and snap some pics of a small case that probably would have fit well into Ted’s suitcase’s hidden compartment.
Episode 10: Insurance Adjustment
Rod meets with Jim for more advice on the whole love triangle possible murder thing, and Jim reminds Rod that having motive, and opportunity are nice, but you still need evidence of a murder, and everything Rod’s uncovered still doesn’t change the fact that it appears to be a suicide. Rod goes back to the scene of the suicide and finds that Dorothy’s house is completely empty and a for sale sign is out front.
He sets up a time with the real estate lady to look at the house and in the mean time takes a case from an insurance company who has a client who is filing a claim after a lightning strike caused a building to catch fire. It is simple run of the mill thing as Rod takes a look at the remains with the owner who shows his the charred remains of the various pieces of artwork like paintings, vases, statues, other stuff… Rod picks up a piece from a vase that the man says was made in the 1800s and worth about 7 grand.
Absent mindedly rod pockets the small piece and takes it with him after he’s done cataloging everything there. Rod is only a couple blocks from that clay forger guy from a couple episodes back so he stops in to see how he’s been doing and he’s been doing fine, and Rod give’s him a bunch of his business cards in case he or anyone else needs any PI work in the future. While there they get to talking and Rod shows him the clay piece from the 1800s and the Clay guy says that couldn’t be more than 20 years old because of something or other.
Rod investigates the fire further and determines that there never was a lightning strike and that he just used the bad storm that day as the perfect time to commit arson, and then they find all of the real artwork tucked away somewhere like a storage locker.
Rod goes to meet with the real estate lady to see Henry and Dorothy’s now vacant house and spends most of the time in the bedroom where Henry supposedly hung himself. While looking around, Rod finds something that indicates in some way that it wasn’t a suicide. Maybe an aspirin pill that looks just like the heavy sedative Henry took before he killed himself. Also maybe he sees that the bulb is loose in the over head light and that there is a couple of very straight scuff marks on the floor directly under the light. Or how about a small hole on an opposite wall, that is just below where a smaller hole was from where a picture was hung.
Episode 11: Terrorist Alert
For some reason Rod is hard up for money and needs a new case, but Jim only has one available and that’s because he would never want to work it. Rod doesn’t care just as long as the money is ok, but regrets it when he finds out that a community watch group wants him to spy on some Pakistani American’s who they think are terrorists. Obviously Rod thinks that the watch group comprised of 4 our five old ladies who live in the houses around the Pakistani family, are being more than a little racist. buuuutttt, Rod needs money.
Rod watches the incredibly boring family for a while before finally going up to the dad and mom and apologizing without really giving away why he’s apologizing, and hopefully i can write this part so that it’s funny. Rod goes to report his findings, or lack there of, and notices something peculiar with the location where the watch group meets every other day. One of the old lady begrudgingly accepts his findings and peels off several Franklins from her gangster’s role. Rod is ready to leave when he sees that one of the young Pakistani children is high as a kite and takes him or her to his family to see what’s wrong. Rod puts two and two together and next thing you know the DEA is busting down the doors of the old ladies and finding that they are making ecstasy or something along those lines….. oh and that DEA friend has to confiscate the money the old ladies paid him for spying on the Pakistanis.
Rod meets up with his cop buddy who agreed to let him take a look at the coroner’s report that officially ruled Henry’s death a suicide. Cop buddy is only doing this since Rod gave him all that great intel on all of those chop shops. Rod reviews the photos and as in all hangings the familiar V shaped strangulation marks are found around the neck which indicate that rope was pulling up vertically most likely from the weight of Henry as he hung from the ceiling. (This as opposed to a straight line across the throat indicating someone strangling from behind.)
The blood toxicity shows a heavy sedative in the system, which the Coroner suggested Henry took to dull the senses so the event wouldn’t be so painful of shocking. Rod takes another close look at the report and then again at the picture using a magnifying glass at one point, and then leaves.
Episode 12: Bodygaurd
Rod still needing money takes a gig as a body guard for a celebrity despite the fact that he has no training in any type of martial arts. His main job isn’t to protect the young woman from bad guys but to be more or less a baby sitter who keeps her out of trouble. During the Episode Hi-Jinks ensue until the celeb forces Rod into a fight with some huge bouncer at a bar and Rod looses. While he’s knocked out, this celeb gets a hold of some pills and tries to kill herself. Rod wakes up in time to save her. At the hospital Rod asks the doc some questions that tie into Henry’s murder.
Someone you think is Rod is snapping pictures of Samantha and Dorothy as you see them sell that small case to a couple of shady looking dudes. As Samantha and Dorothy get in their car, they are followed to the private airfield where a jet is waiting for them. As the door to the plane opens you see Rod stroll down the steps. Man in the car is still snapping photos. Talk talk talk, Rod explains his theory:
Samantha wanted to Leave Ted, but couldn’t cause she knew there was no money there. So she needed a way to get hold of something very valuable from Ted that could not be traced and that he wouldn’t notice missing, at least not for a while. Ted got most of his money from smuggling diamonds, which is what his fancy suitcase was for. Samantha distracted Ted at the airport after they returned to the States with his latest shipment, and used Dorothy to snatch up the luggage, which contained the diamonds. Next you had to substitute the real diamonds for counterfeit diamonds, but you couldn’t simple just give the bag back. That’s why you had Henry black mail Ted with information that was conveniently found in Ted’s luggage.
Ted didn’t remember packing this incriminating evidence, probably because Samantha supplied it to Dorthy well in advance. When Ted received the black mail notice he hired me, hoping I could track down who had the suitcase, but unfortunately all i brought him were the black mail originals. I at first felt guilty about letting Henry’s name slip, but i’m sure it was Dorothy and Samantha’s intention to kill him the entire time. Using a blackmail attempt gone wrong as a believable reason for Henry to off himself all you had to do was make it look more or less like a suicide.
Substitute his Tylenol with this almost identical looking heavy narcotic and Henry was just droggy enough for you to put a nose around his neck and then use a pulley on the opposite wall to help pull him up while at the same time staying away from his thrashing hands and feet. The only thing Henry was able to hit while he fought for his life was the nearby over head light and his own face when he scratched his chin while futilely pulling at the rope cinched around his neck. Next you put a desk under his feet and then shoved it away to create the illusion he had stood on it to put his head around the noose.
The problem here is that the marks you left on the ground wouldn’t have been caused by someone simply kicking over a desk. My guess is that your adrenaline was kicking in by this point and you put a little too much gusto resulting in the deep long scratches in the wood floor. Now you remove the pulley simply secure the rest of the rope to the overhead beam and put the family portrait back up over the hole the pulley made.
Ted probably shows up a little later on to try and get his suitcase back but is spooked when he sees the dead guy. He has to wait till a couple days later to come back and steal the suitcase when Dorothy has supposedly left for vacation. In fact after Ted Grabs the luggage and sees what he believes are the real diamonds, he flies to the same location that Dorothy was headed, probably to either have a friendly chat with her or possibly put her in the ground.
Dorothy never took that flight, but instead stayed here with Samantha and used that time to set up the sale of the stolen diamonds and sell off everything else they owned before they hit the road. My guess Ted’s layover in the canary islands before heading home was so that he could stash his stones at one of the offshore banks he does regular business with.
Everything was going smooth until your original buyer got busted in a bowling trophy mix-up. That delayed your departure date until after you could find a new buyer.
The chicks reveal that the last part was taken care of, and that it doesn’t matter cause Rod can’t prove any of it, especially the murder part. Rod says you are right, but thankfully we do have you on film selling stolen diamonds to Federal Agents. Now you see the guy taking pictures is Jim and he’s smiling. Rod’s DEA arrests them and tells Rod later that he was hoping for something a little more diffinative in terms of a confession when talking to Ron just then, but in all likely hood they can probably get one of them to flip on the other. Plus the smuggling charges alone will put them away for a while.
Last scene of the season has Rod and Jim enjoying some drinks in Jim’s office as it pours outside. Jim has just walked over to refill Rod’s drink as Rod looks around the office asking Jim about the one painting which Jim reveals is his second favorite decoration. A couple seconds go by as Rod stares at the painting as the only sound you hear is from the crackling in the fireplace. Rod then comments on it painting and then he turns around to see Jim sitting in one of his chairs. It takes Rod a second or two to notice that something isn’t right. When he approaches Jim, he sees that he’s been shot in the forehead and is dead. There are no open doors or windows and it’s just Jim and Rod in the room as the scened fades out.
So there you have it. I have a lot of work to do, to shore up the season long story since if you view it just from the bad guys perspective the pacing of their actions don’t really make sense especially if there is a week taking place between each episode. Still, my favorite part is just the ending to the first season with a new take on the murder mystery standard Locked room murder.
We all knew this day was coming; the day that I would write a post detailing my own super hero movie fan fiction. Truthfully I would never actually write a piece of fan fiction, cause that’s just sad and pathetic, but I have no qualms about day dreaming about what story lines I would write.
Before I start my pretend writing I would have to take a lot into account with the Avenger’s movie.
- Which Heroes are going to be in the Avengers in the movie
- Who will play them
- Who will the bad guys be
- How unrealistic will the movie be (in terms of how realistic they are: Punisher < Iron Man < Spider Man < Fantastic Four)
Lets start with the last one first. One of the reasons movies like the x-men, Spiderman, or Iron man works is that each hero is believable within their movie world. In Iron man you have a world just like our with th eonly exception being that there are several people who are vastly superior in the field of technology. Iron man fights other bad guys who are super bad because of the technology they use. In Spiderman you have a hero who is normal until he gets sudden super powers accidentally from an outside source, and the villains are pretty much the same. In X-Men you have good and bad guys who have always had weird powers but are outcasts.
So in all these cases the heroes and bad guys are relatively the same. In an Avenger’s movie you would have to have a combination of people who are super because of either a life time of training, an accident, technology, or supernatural gifts. This creates an odd blend that is just ignored in a comic book but might seem odd in a movie.
This is why I always thought Hulk and Superman movies were a bad idea unless you put them in a world where they could fight bad guys on the same level as them.
Of course you could never have the Hulk fight Superman cause they are from two different comic book universes and that would just be plain silly. Plus who would you root for, and how could either of them beat the other? It’s just a silly idea that would never… what’s that? They actually did that?
Ok let’s focus and get back to the subject at hand. In the Avenger’s I guess you would have to decide between trying to explain how there is a world in which there’s Norse god’s, Gamma Ray Giant Green Monsters, Technologically insane battle armor guys, and one dude who can shoot arrows really good. (seriously, that’s Hawkeye. He’s an Avenger and all he does is shoot arrows.
So do you try to force some reasoning down the audience throat as to why the Avengers would need someone like Hawkeye or black widow who have absolutely no super powers when they already got Thor and The Hulk bench pressing mountains in their spare time? I say you basically just ignore that and just assume that anyone buying a ticket to see the Avenger’s movie just won’t care about that.
That does kind of segue us into the next point. Who are the Villains going to be? My thinking is that you have to have someone powerful enough to give Thor and the Hulk a run for their money. Seriously, the Bad guy can’t be someone like Doc Oc or the movie will be over in 5 min after the hulk rips off the robotic arms and Thor caves in his skull with his big ass hammer. Now the question is, do you bring a Norse God bad guy, A super Power Alien bad guy, or some human that is now super powerful? No mater what you decide on, you need some regular quasi human bad guys as well, or Hawkeye is just going to be sitting back going “Fuck that, I’m not fighting him. That dude just picked up a bus and used it like a bat. I don’t have any arrows for a situation like this”
Here’s what I think would work. Have the bad guys multi layered. Have it start with some human bad guy like … Christ I don’t know, The Red Skull. I don’t know anything about him, but lets just go with that. He would be the bad guy through most of the movie and the only one we really know about. Lets say that he has some ingenious plan where he turns either the Hulk on the Avenger’s or Thor on the Avengers. So you have basically hulk vs thor with probably iron man and a little Capt America helping out the guy who isn’t brainwashed at the moment.
then this leaves Hawkeye and black Widow and Nick Furry to try to take down Red Skull who I guess is kind of super enhanced like Capt america so it is actually hard for them. They defeat Red Skull which frees The Hulk, but we learn that Red Skulls real motives for turning the hulk bad was so that he could detract the Avengers while he some how did something I don’t know. Ok let’s just throw in Ultron.
So *sigh* the original Ultron was created by Hank Pym (a.k.a Ant Man) who was a member of the Avenger’s and is supposed to be a caracter in this movie. Hank Pym is super smart like Reed Richards (a.k.a Mr Fantastic) but he’s kind of a dick and in the comic use to beat his wife and made Ultron to beat up the Avengers just so that he could show up and save the day at the last minute. Well when he showed up he couldn’t save the day and all hell broke loose.
I’m thinking that maybe you use Ultron here but set it up that Ant Man (Who has the power to get really small…. like my penis) created him as a last resort to bring down the Hulk. Pym uses a bunch of Iron Man technology and tosses in some other technologies like the almost invincible stuff they make Capt America’s shield out of, and maybe other stuff.
So Red Skull did all of this just to get Hank to finish Ultron which he then unleashes on all the Avenger’s, but wait there’s more. Someone has to come up with the idea that this was all to complex (maybe they think this after they beat ultron) for red Skull to set in motion. Here’s where the layering comes in. It was actually Loki, Thor’s evil step brother who set all of this in motion and was the puppet master of the red skull. Next thing you know, Loki revives Ultron using some Norse Magic or whatev, and now the fight is really on.
So maybe, Loki, uses Ultron as a Suit to make him even more powerful. Ugh, whatever I don’t care. Look, All I really wanted to get to, was the idea of throwing in The Infinity Gauntlet into Avenger’s II.
Once the first movie is out of the way, and everyone is like, oh cool, the Avengers was good and didn’t seem disjointed and Campy, I can’t wait to see them raise the stakes on the next movie, that’s when you throw in Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet. For those who don’t know; Thanos is like a space god on the save level as the silver surfer who collected all of these rare cosmic gems which when put together gave him complete control over the universe. He then used this control to kill half the population of the universe which was his way of flirting with the God of Death who he’s in love with.
So, here’s a completely nerdy thing I learned from reading a bunch of the Comic Con posts on nerd websites: The actual Infinity Gauntlet itself is going to be used as a prop in the background of Odin’s throne room in the Thor movie. So how bad ass would it be if at the end of the first Avenger’s movie they have one of those after the credits scenes where you see Thanos sneak into Odin’s throne room and take the Gauntlet which only has one of the six gems. (see Odin and everyone is distracted by Thor and Loki battling on Earth.
So to promote the next Avenger movie revolving around the Infinity Gauntlet, you could have ending scenes at the end of all the other comic book movies that come out in the mean time that shows Thanos gathering the remaining gems. Like he could be seen getting a gem from Mephisto who we last saw in the Ghost Rider Movie. Then he gets one from Galactus who we saw in The Fantastic Four. Plus you could also have end of credits or previews or whatever that shows a bunch of the other super heroes getting killed in Thanos’ extermination of half the universe.
The best part is for those scenes you could kill off spiderman, Ghost Rider, Juggernaut, whoever and you wouldn’t have to worry about actually getting the actual actors who played them. You could get them if you wanted since it would just be them standing there in costume and then vanishing and wouldn’t be a big commitment to them. Plus you could tailor the Avengers II plot and action around who you could get to play the characters. If you can’t get Hugh Jackman to play wolverine, than just say his character was killed in the extermination. If the guy who played Reed Richards has nothing to do and needs the money than have him be one of the guys who lived.
Although this could backfire when you have guys who have played multiple super heroes in multiple movies.
Below I have listed the top moments in MY television viewing history that made me say “Holy Shit” out loud. Or at least something very similar to it. From here on out i’m going to refer to this as a HSM.
By the way, there are going to be SPOILERS in this post so be warned.
ER – My First HSM
I have no idea if this is actually the first time I ever watched TV and then yelled out “Holy Shit”. In fact the first time was probably when I was watching scrambled porn and the picture came in focus for a split second and I a huge cock slapped against a woman’s face. For argument’s sake, lets just say this was the first time I watched a prime time show in which something so shocking happened that I was left dumbfounded.
In season 3 of ER (I have no idea what season it was since I don’t care enough to look on IMDB) Dr. Carter gets a black friend Gant who is also a surgical intern underneath Peter Benton (a.k.a SOOOUUUULLL GLLLLOOOWWWW for all you coming to America fans)
Peter was riding Carter and Gant pretty hard all year since that was what all surgeon’s in the ER universe did to their underlings. (except for the semi attractive pediatric surgeon who thought sleeping with Carter was the best way to inspire him)
So Gant is starting to slack cause it seems he can’t handle the pressure of the job, and is on call in the ER when a trauma victim comes in who had just got hit by the L train. Gant doesn’t answer his page so Carter and Benton go down to do their thing. When the guy comes in, it’s pretty obvious they can’t save him so they are just going through the motions, until they notice the victims pager keeps going off and the message is for Doctor Gant. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
Gant is the guy who got hit by the train, and probably got his cause he was either exhausted from work and fell or was depressed from work and jumped. I just remember feeling a chill cause I never saw this coming. I don’t know if there was a lot of foreshadowing to this event, but if there was I was either too young and naive or too young and stupid to notice. Either way, this scene blew my mind.
Breaking Bad – My most recent HSM
So do you watch Breaking Bad? If not then FUCK YOU. Sorry, that was over the top, but yeah you should totally watch it. It’s good. Actually it’s one of the few shows I can say, continually builds in it’s goodness from episode to episode from season to season continually raising the bar. That being said the show is pretty straight forward and there’s not a whole lot of twists and turns. The main character is pretty straight laced so, like him, most of the actions on the show are well planed and thought out. In fact all of the brash actions that are taken in the show are usually done by people other than the main character Walt, the Nobel prize winning chemist/high school teacher/Meth Cooker.
Then I saw the second to last episode of the third season in which Jesse, Walt’s one time meth head and current cooking partner, is getting ready to kill a couple of drug dealers that had a year earlier gotten a kid to kill one of his friends and just recently killed the kid that had done the shooting for them. The kid turned out to be the brother of Jesse’s new girlfriend, and his death had sent Jesse over the edge.
So Jesse does his usual irrational/emotional thing and takes a gun and goes after the two drug dealers. As Jesse is walking in slow motion towards the bad guys (slow motion is the best way to walk when holding a gun) they seem him and start to pull their guns for a nice old fashion shoot out that Jesse probably sucks at compared to these real drug dealers. Before any slow motion shots are fired, the scene switches back to normal speed as you see an pontiac Aztec plow through the two bad guys. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.
Anyone who has seen the show knows this is Walt’s car, and that he has a broken windshield fetish that is insatiable. This was shocking, but what really made me say holy shit was Walt walking over to one of the drug dealers who was crawling painfully to his gun, grabbing his the dealers gun, and then shooting him in the face, before telling Jesse to run.
To understand why this moment was shocking you really have to watch the whole series to see how measured Walt was in all of his actions. In fact if Walt had just let Jesse get killed it probably would have been better for everyone including Walt. Actually, the whole episode was filled with great scenes that show why it may be the best show on TV right now.
The Shield – Almost an entire show of HSM
The Shield is the first show I ever watched from the very first episode through to the very last episode, never missing an episode when it first aired on TV. I always made time for it and didn’t rely on viewing it later online or on DVD. I don’t know if there’s any show that I could get this amped up about today. One of the reasons it was so great is that it was constantly out doing itself in shocking moments.
Even the first episode ended with a WTF HSM ending when Vick shot Detective Terry Crowley. They never hinted at this, even when they did the list of actors in the credits at the beginning of the show’s first episode, listing him as one of the regular actors. I could point to a dozen more moments, like Shane killing Lem, Shane killing himself, Acevada’s BJ, Lem burning the money train money, Dutch exposing the serial killer, etc…
With all the HSM in the show, the two most surprising moments were the two times did the least surprising thing possible, or more correctly were forced into an unshocking moment. The first moment was when Shane basically gave up while his attempted murder accomplice was being interrogated by Vic and Dutch. Up until that point Vic and his crew would always fins some way of either getting out of an unwinnable situation or that very least delay whatever possible bad stuff was headed their way. In this scene Shane knows that he’s about to be found out as an attempted cop killer, and he quietly slips out of the Barn, never to come back.
The other shocking moment to me, was when Vic finally confessed all his sins to the FBI in exchange for immunity. This was shocking cause we finally got to hear Vic almost, kind of, a little bit, suggest that he was wrong/evil/guilty. Just like the Shane leaving the barn moment, I was shocked since Vic had always fought any urge to clear his sole and confess his sins, although truthfully he didn’t seem that remorseful and he was only doing it to save himself and his wife while at the same time burning the ever loyal Ronnie.
Like many of the moments on the list, you only get the full affect if you watch the series up to this point (although since this is the second to last episode why wouldn’t you just watch one more to complete the series)
The Wire – Get on with it Mother HSM
I’ll keep this one short since most of these other entries have been pretty long, and this one is simple. It has been scientifically proven that The Wire is the best TV show in history. Science has also proven empirically that String Bell is one of the most interesting and creative character on TV ever. In fact the idea of a business savy smart black drug king pin had never been seen before. (that might not actually be a fact, but I had never seen a drug dealer portrait in any way other than a stereotype).
So you spend three seasons building up a character so much so that he seems indispensable to the show and then he gets cornered in one of his buildings being renovated by Brother Mazone and Omar little. While watching it you knew that Stringer had to die and that there was no way out, but it was hard to believe that the show would kill off such a central figure. Then BAM HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.
Doesn’t the part where he says “I ain’t strapped” remind you of Clint Eastwood playing William Munney in Unforgiven when he’s sick and confronted by little bill in the bar? No? oh ok, never mind then. Still you got to love String taking control of the situation and telling them to get on with it.
24 – Jack Bauer Diamon Cutter
I think it was season two or three, Jack was in the the LA coliseum where the Trojan’s play and was fighting some goon in one of the seating area entrances. Jack was all messed up from having died earlier that day as he often does when saving the world. Even though he was hurt Jack was still man enough to kill the henchmen in the coolest way possible.
That’s right, you just saw jack put the guy in a head lock, then the guy tries to slam jack into the wall, jack counter’s by keeping him in a headlock and using the momentum to walk the wall and using the downward force to snap the guys neck.
Honorable mention on this show should also go to the episode where Jack Bauer shot Curtis. This isn’t an honorable mention just because Jack shot someone as awesome as Curtis, (even though that was kind of shocking). It’s an honorable mention cause in this episode Jack also gives up and weapely quits, and then a nuclear bomb actually goes off in Cali.
24 – Cerano “strikes out”
Much Like Stringer Bell getting killed in the Wire, I was shocked when they killed David Palmer since he was such an integral and loved character. The added WTF aspect to this death is that no one saw it comming. So it would have been like if Dr. Carter and Dr. Benton had found a pager on the guy hit by the L train and it turned out to be a secret code the drug dealers in Baltimore used, which meant it was stringer bell who got killed …. by Walt from breaking bad.
Lost – 1st Flash Forward
Ok this one shouldn’t count since I in no way said holy shit or was even surprised when it turned out that the last episode of season 3 of lost was featuring a flash forward in their character development scenes that ran through each episode of lost. In fact fairly early on in this episode I did kind of guess that it was a flash forward since I’m awesome at guessing that kind of stuff.
Even though I knew what was going on (and Jack for some reason tells people to go visit his father in his office?!?!?? wtf) it was still an excellent episode, and excellent twist, and kind of encapsulated what made Lost at times so great. (yes the show also sucked balls at other times).
You know what really would have been a Holy Shit Moment in Lost? If they would have actually revealed the answer to ALL of the mysteries during the final episode. Of course that probably would have created the following effect to most Losties:
I finally saw Inception Sunday night after trying to ignore all the internet reviews, forum discussions, and random comments from friends and strangers over the past week. I was really excited to see this movie for several reasons:
- Chris Nolan – He’s made Dark Knight, Batman Begins, Memento,… other stuff – so it stands to reason this should be excellent.
- I’ve never seen a Leonardo DiCaprio movie I didn’t like.
- The premise, or what I had gathered from the previews, sounded interesting and unique.
- I love Mind F movies (a.k.a wtf movies) like memento, usual suspects, shutter island, 12 monkeys, the prestige, seven, fight club, etc…
- bwwwwaaahhhhhhhh (i love that sound, not the vuvuzala sound, but the bwwwaahhh you hear in the trailer ….. and also in the Dark Knight)
- The previews made it look like the CGI and other effects are just epic
I was surprised when I went to grab my seats and I saw the theater was half filled. For the second week that a movie is out, there usually isn’t that many people in the seats. FYI – I saw Predators the night before, and there were only four other people in the theater.
Lets start out with the simple things first: The acting was great. Well maybe that is misleading since I really can’t tell the difference between good, great, amazing, and incredible acting. I usually can only pinpoint when the acting is either not very good, or just plain horrible. Still, every character was believable to me, which I think has a lot to do with good casting and good acting.
The visuals were stunning. I think that amazing special effects are taken for granted now that CGI has advanced to the point it is currently at. That being said, most movies have a tough time making CGI truly feel real. It’s either completely fake but awesome like in Avatar, or it is realistic but somewhat commonplace. With the later you get this weird blend where you are watching something that is supposed to be real, and you are surprised by how realistic it looks even though you know it’s not. You can usually point to certain objects or scenes and say wow, that’s great CGI, but in Inception it’s hard to tell what is CGI, and what is sets, and what is miniatures.
That’s one of the things I love about Christopher Nolan, a lot of his effects are real, which is why they look so good. He doesn’t rely on CGI since it is at times easier and cheaper than blowing up a real car, or smashing a toy model and slowing down the frame speed. If I remember correctly, The Dark Night had almost no CGI if any at all. If you want a good example of how CGI still isn’t up to replacing real sets and miniatures, take a look at the space battles in Return of the Jedi and compare it to the space battles in Revenge of the Sith. I totally think the effects from almost 30 years earlier look better. Also, I’m a huge nerd for bringing Star Wars into this review.
OK, so lets start talking about some of the more complex stuff. How about the premise? In short the movie is set in a world, i’m assuming is sometime in the near future where our everyday technology hasn’t progressed a ton and no evil alien/lizards have taken over and machines are still are friends. In this future we are able to link people and go into their dreams. While you are in their dreams you can do stuff like steal their secrets and maybe possibly suggest ideas to them.
Theres all kinds of explanations throughout the whole movie that goes into details that explain how the dreamer interacts with the visitors and the subconscious and the what not, but you don’t need to really know that cause there’s tons of action and crazy awesome weird gravity fights.
The one thing I like about this is that if you die in the dreamer’s dream you don’t die in real life, you know, cause that would be stupid. Instead you make up; UNLESS you can’t wake up in which you go into this scary sounding limbo place that doesn’t actually seem that bad when it happens in the movie.
That might be my only complaint about the movie. They build up the dead but sleeping limbo as a place you go to have your brain melted, yet when it happens to a couple of the guys they come out of it seemingly unscathed. Plus it didn’t seem that hard to get out of, despite the fact that it was supposed to be crazy hard to escape from.
So let’s talk about the best part of the movie, for me at least anyways, the ending. I always love open ended endings where the viewer is left with an ambiguous conclusion. In Inception the ending gives us two possible scenarios.
- Everything that was going on in the real world of the movie when they weren’t in a dream was real.
- The entire real world was actually a dream and every level they mentioned (i.e third level dream) was actually an additional level down. In essence the entire movie was taking place in Leo’s dream that he can’t wake up from.
I like to think that the whole thing is a dream that Leo/Cobb hasn’t woken up from since that would be more awesome and WTFish. Still there’s a lot of arguments for and against this. I think that there is no real answer and that Chris Nolan deliberately wrote it so that either explanation could be true.
In summation I give it 5 out of 5 stars. (i should come up with a better rating system based on the movie itself, like 5 out of 5 wtf dreams)
Also, for those who like pictures and hate lots of words, here is an info graphic I found that is supposed to detail all the multiple levels of dreams, characters, and kicks.