Crazy work rumors

I got nothing specific to talk about today but I felt I might as well post something while I got a hot second to myself. One thing that is kind of ineresting is that the senior VP where I work resigned sudenly today. Now when I say senior VP I don’t mean a senior VP for a mom and pop operation like.. Biglazy Enterprise, this guy actually has a lot of people work for him and a lot of reponsibility. So usually when someone in that type of executive position leaves he or she gives three or four weeks, and some times more notice so there is a smooth transition. in this case my director pulled the department aside to let us know he resigned. My director also didn’t mention anything about, he’ll be missed, or better offer, or hey things change. Then she said that he’ll be in some time in the evening to gather his things when it is a little more private. This was odd since from what I know she (my director) and her boss (the vp) got along pretty well so something must be up.

Then one of my co workers told me that when they were leaving yesterday there were like 4 cop cars at the executive end of the building yesterday. hmmmmmmmmmm. Then i noticed that the winner of the united way prize contest was the VP. hmmmmmmmmmmm. Concidering how much money this guy probably makes (I’m estimating anywhere from 70 to 120 k) I doubt he would have tampered with a prize thing so that he could get a 15$ gift card to walmart or whatever the winners get. But that would make a kick ass rumor, especially when I spice it up with some sexual harrasment charges.

I almost want to make up a rediciouls lie/rumor and see if it catches on. “Yeah I heard he was fired cause he accidentally kicked the midget that works back in the returns section of the warehouse. He was just walking through looking at the latest harry potter palates and wasn’t looking down and wham. Then an argument ensued after he tried to apologize but inadvertantly called him a little person. Now I don’t know if I believe this part but evidentally when both were really mad and yelling the term oompa loompa came out. That’s when all hell broke loose.”

I bet if I emailed that “rumor” to 5 of my co workers the rumor mill would get started. Here are some other things that i should start as rumors.

  • The company is being bought out by a middle eastern oil comglomorate. They are affraid the oil supplies are going to run out and are looking for additional sources of revenue.
  • In an effort to move towards a paperless office every employee will get a $50 gift card for best buy to get a pda. We as a company can do this since we are going to get a kick back from the goverment (specifically the EPA) for cutting down on paper use which is a natural resource.
  • We are going to start a new Kaballa book club in an effort to cash in on the newfound popularity of the religion thanks to Madonna and some other celebrities. One sticking point before we can get the contract to sell some of the Kaballa books is that we need to prove that all of our business practices fall in line with the precepts of that religion.
  • McDonalds will be setting up a new hot entree vending machine in our cafateria as well as some of the other corporate offices in the central PA area. the vending machine will have a limited menu, but will have big macs, quarter pounders, chicken sandwiches, and chicken nuggets. The items are vacum sealed but are heated up before they are placed on your tray. The vending machine is rather large however since it also dispences soda, salads, icecream sundays, and coffee.
  • All work stations are being equiped with the new ergonomically correct keyboards that split in the center. This is because one of the I.T people got carprall tunnel and actually sued the company for workman’s comp. Because he was one of the head programers he made a lot of money, plus when he won the court case against us his future earnings were over 3 mil. This is also the reason why we had to lay off a couple of the other IT guys since they were way over budget this year.
  • Mike Johnson in the training department has a 11 inch cock that hooks slightly to the right.

Ok the majority of these lies won’t catch on but even if only one or two catches on it will be hilarious.

Later
Lazy

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