One of the worst thoughts in my life…. and poker stuff.

At one point this weekend I had a thought run through my head which if said out loud would probably cause people to instantly hate me. It has happened to all of us I’m sure. Usually the only time you say it out loud is when you are with really good friends who have an open minded sence of humor, or if you are reallllly drunk and you have reached that point where you no longer have an unspoken thought. Sometimes the thought is borderline racist but your not a racist person, but you can’t help commenting on the fact that all Asians are whatever. Or maybe the thought revolves around kiddy porn, and it’s humorus effects on the catholic church… and sometimes little league baseball.

Basically while the comment might be funny it will probably be one of the deciding factors of whether you go to heaven or hell. So what was my thought? I’m first going to give you the thought and then give you the back story. This way you can think about how bad it would sound if someone just blurted this out durring an afternoon brunch.

“Maybe God put retarded people on this planet as a form of comedy relief.”

Ok I know that sounds bad especially if it were said in the produce section of your local grocery store, but hear me out. Thursday of last week there was a fire drill where I work. No one (except some in managment) knows if it’s a fire drill or a real fire because the alarms are exactly the same. Plus it is a very large facility so there could be a fire almost anywhere without me knowing about it. Well it’s the end of October here in PA so it’s starting to get a little bit colder outside. While standing outside waiting for the all clear sign, a lot of the people were complaining that they wish they had grabed their coat before they ran out of the building. Others were saying they forgot their cell phones in the rush.

As I’m scoping out this scene of 100 plus people standing on the bookspan lawn I notice one of my previous trainees. He’s a tubby white guy with suspenders, oversized glasses, a constant confused look on his face that seems to match his near random hair cut. This guy at some point in his life had been in an accident that left him with diminished mobility, speech, motor skills, and has also affected his mental capcities in some regards. He is a good guy but if you look at him you would probably use a term like mental challenged or retarded to describe him. I look at his right hand and see that he’s holding a box of grahm crackers. For some reason this was the funniest mental image to me. The idea that the alarm sounded and while other people were grabing their coat, cell phone, possibly pictures of loved ones, he grabed the box of grahm crackers and hurried to the door.

I wasn’t the only one who thought this was funny since the group of people i was standing with all found humor in the situation as well. Then I started to feel guilty about it. Like I shouldn’t be laughing at that. Maybe those crackers are really important to him. Or maybe he just thought that if there was a fire he might be outside for a while he might get a little peckish. Still I found this very funny and while hanging out with my friends I was going to tell them this story. Then I remembered that without seeing him standing on the lawn with his box of grahm crackers, they would probalby not find humor in the story and I would end up saying “Well you had to be there.”.

So I started to feel guilty again since I was watching the UCLA game gigling to my self about someone who has been put in a bad situation in life. Then I started to think about, why would god ever put some one in that situation so that he’s a burden to everyone, or why would he make children with birth defects. Then I thought why would he make an image like the grahm crackers so uncontrolbly funny that I would be forced to burst out laughing in the middle of all of my co workers on a cold October morning. That’s when it occured to me that maybe God wanted me to laugh at that moment. Maybe that people like that are there for my amusment and it’s all part of God’s grand scheme.

Then I started to hate myself even more for even thinking that, and I immediatly dissmis the theory. Like I said, these types of thoughts are not rational, logical, reasoned thoughts. They are the thoughts that come from your ID. Kind of like when you see a really hot women and you think, man it would be worth going to jail if I could rape her. It’s just that primative part of your brain that doesn’t rely on reason. I’m just really affraid i’ll get to heaven and St. Peter will say “Hey good job saving all of those people on earth by dedicating your life to finding the cures to cancer, AIDS, Hepatitis B, Polio ver 2.0, and the bird flu. Plus the way you solved the hunger problem in every third world countries was genious. I’d really like to let you into heaven but because you once had the thought that the mentally challenged were put on this earth for your amusment I have to deny you access to the kingdom of heaven. Oh plus you failed on trying to cure Hepatitis A, so that didn’t help your chances either, but good job on bringing the peace to the middle east.”


3 thoughts on “One of the worst thoughts in my life…. and poker stuff.

  1. Dossier on AlitoSamuel A. Alito Jr., 55, is a jurist in the mold of Justice Antonin Scalia. Nicknamed “Scalito,” or “little Scalia,” by some lawyers, the federal appeals court judge is a frequent dissenter with a reputation …Hi, I was just blog surfing and found you! If you are interested, go see my drugs related site. It isnt anything special but you may still find something of interest. Come in and check it out if you get time :-.

  2. Great – so here I have something witty to add to someone’s blog, and I have to share the comment space with some spammer. Just my luck.Anyway, I think you’ve underestimated the value of grapham crackers in a fire.First, of course, if the fire takes a long time to put out, you’ll have something to eat. And unlike saltines, they won’t make you thirsty. You can share your graham crackers, which will make you popular and might get you laid.Second, if the fire gets to be a raging inferno, it might start throwing sparks out into the parking lot. When this happens, you can just get your graham crackers wet, and then run around slapping your soggy graham crackers on the sparks landing on people’s cars, keeping them from catching on fire. No one cares if the office burns down, but if their car caught on fire, they’d be upset. So, if you had graham crackers you could save a lot of people all that pain and suffering. And the office sleeze might give you a freebie too.So anyway, when I was looking for a picture of graham crackers, I went to nabisco’s web site. Surprise! They had a bunch of shockwave games, including Texas Hold’em and some other cool looking ones. But the one that caught my eye was “CORNHOLE!”. I’m not making this up. It’s at Nabisco I don’t know what they were thinking, when they came up with this one, but once you load it, it even asks if you would like to use the “Mouse Thrust” option. OMG. Corporate America!

  3. Mouse Thrust!!! HA!Okay, back when I was 12 or 13, I lived by a retarded gentlemen and his parents. For this next occurence, I am going to hell. I know it. Now, the tale. He used to work at Messiah Village, as a janitor. One snowy day, he was walking home from work, and I could not resist bludgening him with a perfect snowball from about ten paces. WHACK! He gurgled “Hey! Who did that???” He looked around and saw me. “(MY NAME), did you see who threw that?” My reply “Nope, I have no idea” He responds “Okay then” As he proceeds to walk away, WHACK!!! Another snowball, to the back of the head, JFK style. Now, although he was retarded, he and his family were annoying. Hence my “OUT” when ST. Peter looks over my records. Then again, there was the five foot snow penis complete with balls that we built in his front yard. His dad saw the completed “project”, and said to us in all sincerity, “that’s a mighty nice snowman”. Oh yeah, there was also their lawn mower which my buddy and I super glued every moving part on, and blew it up. Yep, hellbound.

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